Baby sitter issue - nice art supplies ruined, help me put it in perspective - Page 2

[CarrieMF]

Your oldest is almost 5.  It is possible they asked her if those paints were okay to use & she said yes or your dd asked if they could use her paints(which they are hers).  Same with the mosaics.  Unless you purposely say something is off limits it is reasonable to think that crafting stuff is okay to use, especially if it's in view.  Your dd may not have been able to see it, but she may have known it was up there or the sitters asked her if it was okay to use them.

With the bathing, they could be bathing them because they are getting messy when playing with them, especially with the paints.  If it was all over their clothes then it was probably all over the kids too.  Would you have rather they gone to bed with paint on them?

[firefrenzy]

I was babysitting on my own at age 15.  The parents were always clear on what was expected during the time I was watching the kids.  I had some families tell me that the kids could color and do crafts and then show me which craft supplies were allowed (the mother was a scrapbooker and wanted to make sure the kids didn't convince me to get the expensive craft stuff out for them).  I also had parents tell me no crafts or no tv.  As a baby sitter, I preferred the parents who were very specific about the time together (including what to feed the kids and when, what they wore to bed, etc) over the ones who left very few instructions.  (I had a mom leave me with an 4 month old with no instructions on the baby's feeding schedule and got mad at me when I called her moments after she left when I realized she didn't tell me his eating schedule and how much he ate...)

If I were you, I'd give them another chance and communicate clearly with them your expectations.

[hippiemombian]

I just want to put my 2 cents in. I am an adult and don't have the slightest clue on the proper way to handle paints/brushes. I've never really painted outside of art class in elementary school, so I am clueless. I don't think you can really get mad at her, just because it is obvious to you doesn't mean it is to everyone. Maybe she didn't tell you because she wanted it to be a suprize, the pictures, not the stains. Maybe they have a different standard of neat and messy. Stains on kids clothes in my house isn't a big deal. It sounds more to me that youre upset because you didn't get to use the paints with her and the babysitter did. The next time I just would say something like "Just so you know this is what is okay for them to do while we are gone, the stuff that is out of her reach is off limits. If you want to paint again here are paints that she can play with and here is where her paint apron is. I'm a stickler for staying tidy so try to make sure the paint stays on the paper" or something like that. I really think it was an honest mistake. I would be mad if she had gone through personal items in my bedroom, but usually stuff in the open common areas is free game unless specified elsewise.

[zebra15]

Im an adult as well. I've done daycare, babysat and nannied overnight for kids.  Honestly, you are getting upset over the little things.  If *I* saw those little bottles of paint, even today, I probably wouldn't know what they were really for and if the kid wanted to use them, that's what we would do.  As a babysitter its MY JOB to keep the kids happy and safe.  Unless you tell me directly - no painting- then there is a chance we will paint.  Many many kids use one brush for all colors of paint, sometimes rinsing the brush in a cup of water.  I don't always give a play-by-play to the parents of what we exactly did for the hours they were gone.

I figure they are going to check the laundry either that night or the next morning.

I figure if the kids are dirty, they get a bath.

IMO the whole point of a sitter is for everyone to have fun.  The parents go out and have fun, the kids stay home and do something different and have fun.  Also, you need to remember that things happen differently while you are gone and the sitter needs to accommodate as she goes along.  So even though you may say 'no bath' that kid could end up covered in craft material, or covered in juice, or covered in dirt from playing outside and a bath is needed.  I'm sorry but I'm not putting a kid to bed who has juice in her hair, dirt on her legs and feet and paste up her arms.  Its just not going to happen, no matter what mom said- that kid is getting a bath!

[DariusMom]

I think it sounds annoying (especially finding paint-stained clothes later in the week) but nothing to get rid of good responsible babysitters for! It sounds as though you and your DH have really needed to get out and be together w/o children for a long time and that the date nights are doing you a lot of good. Moreover, you sound very cautious about babysitters, in general, and you do trust these people and your girls like them.

I don't want to negate your feelings. You feel what you feel. However, feeling "violated" because of what sounds like an honest blooper on the part of trusted caretakers comes across as over the top. I agree with the PP about doing some self-reflection to think about why you feel violated (which is pretty strong language!). Is it purely the money? (you're on a tight budget and this is money down the drain?) Is it that you didn't get to use the paints first with your DD? Is it that you're ultimately not very comfortable giving up control and leaving your girls and are, therefore, grabbing on to an annoying but seemingly minor mistake as an excuse to stop using these babysitters -- which, based on what you've said, means no more date nights? I think there must be something else deeper going on here for a feeling of violation to come from this incident.

[mamazee]

I would think that they would probably think any craft supplies within view were a reasonable way to occupy kids. In fact they probably think it was a good way to occupy kids. They probably wouldn't know how expensive they were or how you wanted them to be used.

They should have known to have them change into old clothes, or wear smocks or something, and also they should have cleaned up properly afterward, if they were going to do messy crafts.

Also, if I told someone not to bathe my kids and they did, I would not be happy.

I think you have some reasonable complaints, but to be honest I agree that you do sound a bit controlling - not way controlling or anything, but saying that you don't want them to bathe the kids because you want to give specific instructions? That seems a bit much to me. If it's OK for them to bathe the kids, I'd give up on how they do it, and if it isn't OK for them to bathe kids, then I'd stick to that.

I'd keep them but I'd give more specific instructions, in writing. "Do not give the kids a bath. The following activities are fine, but please don't let the kids use anything not listed here." If you're really picky about what they can do, then you have to explicitly state it rather than expecting other people to just know. Like for me, if there are craft supplies in the house, they're available to use, whether within reach or not, and whether within sight or not. If they belong to the kids, the kids can use them. I'd just not want the mess left. It would not occur to me if I were watching someone else's kids that something in the house intended for the kids was not to be used, unless it were specifically stated in some way.

[mtiger]

Another thought wrt the bath situation... I have babysat kids who have gotten fussy, missing Momma & Daddy, etc. A bath is often the ticket to calming them down, distracting them, helping them through it. Most kids like to play in a tub of water. It doesn't mean it was done to be subversive.

[Linda on the move]

I'm really surprised at the responses.

We didn't use sitters a ton when the kids were little, but when we did, they never once ruined anything or stained clothes. I don't see that as much to ask. I would think that most people would realize that unless art supplies say "washable" in giant letters, kids shouldn't wear regular clothes when using them.

[CarrieMF]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I'm really surprised at the responses.

We didn't use sitters a ton when the kids were little, but when we did, they never once ruined anything or stained clothes. I don't see that as much to ask. I would think that most people would realize that unless art supplies say "washable" in giant letters, kids shouldn't wear regular clothes when using them.

How would the sitter know they were regular clothes?
 

[riverscout]

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Edited by riverscout - 6/21/11 at 10:38am

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Flower of Bliss 

I am trying to work out my issue with the painting thing.  Part of it is that these paints were on their own on a shelf of adult books up out of kid reach.  I don't understand why they would even think they were for kids.  They are part of a special set we recently got for DD1.

Probably because dd said "those are my new special paints."  I'd assume a child was allowed to use her stuff but that they were up high because they required supervision or so that dd2 didn't get into them.  Anyway, I'd put things like that in my bedroom next time.  Sucks, though.  I hate wastefulness.

[mumkimum]

I would make a special mention that you'd prefer the kids not use craft supplies in their reach, show where the okay ones are as well as smocks, etc.  I'd also ask to make sure any clothes dirty with art stuff just get put on the washing machine and/or mentioned in case they need stain treatment.  I think with a little talk about that stuff, this is unlikely to get repeated by your sitter.  If your dd mentioned they were her paints that does seem like something that becomes okay to do, etc. as pp's mentioned.  If you don't want the nightly baths, I'd comment that you've noticed the frequent bathing is bothering your kids skin, please not tonight on any specific night.  

I'll add that, as a teen babysitter, I wouldn't have gotten out paints or done baths unless it had specifically been mentioned to me by the parents - but I was used to asking or not doing things that way at my own home, and if people are used to regular kid baths or not having to ask about supplies they'll do things differently.

As an artist - I feel badly for you about the paints .  It just stinks to have something like that used improperly, with the expense, etc. . .

I have materials like that I use with our kids, but it's definitely kept away/out of sight.  I probably over-lecture dd about caring for her brushes and stuff like that in the first place - but I have cheaper stuff that I leave out that I'd I might mention to a sitter or something, but even dd (who is 4) knows that I need to get asked about the art stuff and that it requires a certain set-up - smock, art mat for the surface, etc..  Maybe going over that with your kids (with the purpose that they can do more of it on their own anyway, even with you around) might help too? - they could help self-enforce stuff like having their smocks, taking care of stains on their clothes.  

[Agatha_Ann]

Originally Posted by zebra15 

Im an adult as well. I've done daycare, babysat and nannied overnight for kids.  Honestly, you are getting upset over the little things.  If *I* saw those little bottles of paint, even today, I probably wouldn't know what they were really for and if the kid wanted to use them, that's what we would do.  As a babysitter its MY JOB to keep the kids happy and safe.  Unless you tell me directly - no painting- then there is a chance we will paint.  Many many kids use one brush for all colors of paint, sometimes rinsing the brush in a cup of water.  I don't always give a play-by-play to the parents of what we exactly did for the hours they were gone.

I figure they are going to check the laundry either that night or the next morning.

I figure if the kids are dirty, they get a bath.

IMO the whole point of a sitter is for everyone to have fun.  The parents go out and have fun, the kids stay home and do something different and have fun.  Also, you need to remember that things happen differently while you are gone and the sitter needs to accommodate as she goes along.  So even though you may say 'no bath' that kid could end up covered in craft material, or covered in juice, or covered in dirt from playing outside and a bath is needed.  I'm sorry but I'm not putting a kid to bed who has juice in her hair, dirt on her legs and feet and paste up her arms.  Its just not going to happen, no matter what mom said- that kid is getting a bath!

[puddle]

I would be annoyed, but...

As other PPs have said, the way you phrased the no baths thing sounded like you just didn't want to make extra work for them so you weren't going to ask them to bathe the kids, not that you minded them getting a bath.  I would just only have products in the bathroom that you're okay with them using when they bathe the kids.

With the paints, they probably assumed that since the paints belonged to DD, they were fair game and also washable.  If they thought the paints were washable, then there was no need to mention the paint on the clothes.  And I wouldn't throw away the paints just because they got mixed together.  Your DD probably won't mind if they aren't pristine next time you use them with her together, the right way.  Let her use the mixed up paints for practice, and then next time if you buy them again then she'll have it down by then.

I'd just be more specific next time and use it as a learning experience for all of you.

[meemee]

OP in my books too this is not a big deal. 

inspite of everything - expensive paints, etc. 

i wouldnt even note the bath because i know bathing can be life saver when you are stuggling to babysit.

destroying the paints. now come on for all of you how many of you have even touched paints since school (unless its your hobby or ur profession). you have now learnt they dont know how to take care of paints (i find that strange though that they mixed it all up). 

while yes it seems disrespectful i think a lot of the paint issue was due to lack of knowledge.

here is the thing though. whenever you have others in ur house you have to live with what happens. what appears as common sense to you might not be so to the other person. 

i let a lot go because even if i didnt agree with what they did - the babysitter took good care of my child and played and did stuff with her rather than stick her in front of the tv. 

[Polliwog]

It looks like that paint comes in tiny containers. If I was to see something that size, it wouldn't occur to me to not dip brushes in it. "I" know that you're supposed to add water to it but most people wouldn't.

[moppit]

Were you paying these people, or was it a favour? If they were just babysitting to be kind I'd keep my mouth shut, but if you were paying them I would be very annoyed! I would write out a list for next time of what I expected.

I would never use someone elses supplies or food or anything unless they said it was okay. If the baths were because of the paint I think that's okay but I would have told you as soon as you got in that they had had baths and why.

[crunchy_mommy]

OK I totally would be annoyed if someone used up my expensive paints or bathed my kid but from what you describe, I would say it's not the sitter being thoughtless or anything... I don't use a sitter (yet!) so maybe my thoughts on this are useless anyway... but it sounds like you really like to be in control & want things done a particular way. I am exactly the same way (that's partly WHY we don't use a sitter!!) so I understand it, I think. But I guess you just have to figure out what you want out of a sitter. Would it work better for you if you rented a movie for the kids to watch and set out dinner (or the dinner ingredients) and asked them only to do those things that you've left on the dining room table? Or would you be willing to be flexible and let some things go, but just specify the 3 most important things you want done a certain way? Either option is valid, you just need to pick one & discuss it with your sitter. I also think it would be acceptable to say something like, "Anything higher than DD1's head is off-limits to the kids," so that they understand the system you've set up in your home. In our home, things like expensive paints are hidden and the only bath products in the tub are the ones we feel comfortable using on DS. So if I walked into your home, I guess I'd just assume you had some kind of similar setup, unless you told me otherwise, and that everything out in the main living areas was available for general use. It would be very different if the sitter rummaged through your bedroom closet and came out with paints, you know? It really sounds like the sitter was just trying to keep the kids happy (painting) and make things easier on you (bathing), so if you like this sitter, I think it makes sense to hash it out first within your family and then with the sitter.

[SuburbanHippie]

Originally Posted by Flower of Bliss 

Once I start hiding, what else I should hide?  Food in the pantry or fridge?  Toiletries? 

Well, that seems a bit dramatic.  The "special paints" that your DD knows are hers are a pretty obvious thing you would want to at least discuss with a sitter since they are out in plain view.  If you fail to discuss it and it's out in the open, it's pretty much fair game.  So your choices now are either discuss it with them so they know for the future or hide the paints.  I don't think you need to hide the food in the fridge or hide the toiletries you don't want them to use for your DD's bath, but you have to at least talk to these babysitters so they know what is off limits.  Communication with your sitters is really the key here.

[2xy]

I'm surprised that the kids' clothing wasn't protected during painting, but not surprised that someone didn't know how to handle paint. How to work with art supplies is not something I consider to fall into the category of "common sense."

I don't think you need to hide your food and toiletries. I think you simply need to communicate with your sitter.