thinking about UC

[ehdesign]

I live in a small town in BC and had a horrible experience with my first baby and a hospital birth. So many things went wrong that could have been prevented, they made me feel unwanted and uncomfortable, and they laughed at my birth plan, and they gave me oxytocin while i slept without my permission! I was appalled.

Unfortunately in my town there are no midwives. I would have to spend a month out of my town in the nearest town with a midwife to even get one (and still not have a homebirth).

There are "unregistered" midwives here that i've heard of through the grape vine.. but i still dont know. I'm thinking of having my doula (or two) and some other lady friends who have attended births to be around for it.

I'm not even sure what questions i need to ask in this situation. I know my doctor would probably hunt me down and drag my ass to the hospital if he knew i was in labour and not going there...

do i continue with my prenatal check ups with my doctor (which seem pretty pointless anyways)? what could they do if i stopped going and they knew my intentions?

What is the "procedure" (for lack of better word) after birth, with registry, check ups and all that?

and if something goes wrong and i end up in the maternity ward with those nasty nurses again...i dont even know!

I need advice!

-e.

[Kerynna]

I'm sorry your first birth experience was not what you had hoped for in terms of care.  I am still learning about UC, but I wish you the very best.  I definitely think you should continue your prenatal visits until you are established with a midwife or other caregiver.

I'm sure you'll get lots of helpful advice here. 

[JamieCatheryn]

I don't have advice specific to where you are, but generally and in my experience I have some answers. Prenatal care from a professional is optional, there's no law requiring it that I've heard of. Child services or the like could get called in to investigate reports if someone was concerned I suppose. Best thing to do is ask for your records and say you're going to go with someone else, no need to mention that care provider is yourself, or an unregistered mw. You can check your own vitals, and buy pregnancy urine test strips if you want to. Use a fetascope or doppler to listen to baby. Use a BP cuff. Consider checking your hemoglobin, and your blood sugar. Keep records, a diary to track things so you're very aware what's going on. Be very informed, read read read, but listen to your intuition most of all. Don't hesitate to call in help if you might be developing any complications that good diet and safe supplements don't fix.

Unregistered midwives can be great ones. Check locally about their reputation and interview them. Having a midwife can help moms feel confident all is well and that minor problems can get handled without transfer. I chickened out of my UC because I had a strange but still safe labor pattern, a MW would have helped me stay home. My second birth I hired a great one, unlicensed, competent and respectful and encouraging. If you feel more confident and comfortable doing it on your own though, just learn the normal process of birth and the range of normal variations, and learn to discern issues that could need outside help. Doulas sometimes won't attend a UC for fear of being looked to to fill a midwife's position, a legal risk to them and something they aren't quite trained for. Others will support you gladly.

After the birth: Well after a home birth you normally clamp or tie the cord and cut it once it's done pulsing, check baby over that all is well (you can read a midwifery book for guidelines), see a pediatrician within a few days if you want to for the official newborn checkup. To register here in Kentucky we called the vital statistics office, filed papers with record of pregnancy (from my midwife), record of birth (a sheet of all the birth statistics and specifics, pics can help sometimes too), and the state's birth registration form.

[Magali]

I think you need to discuss with your Dr. exactly what happened, and what they can do to make you feel more comfortable this time.  Do you like your Dr. and how did he treat you?  A doula is a great idea.  Are there any hospitals a bit further away that you could check out?  You definately need an advocate at the hospital, and you need to be taken seriously.  It seems that there are a few issues here that you need to work through.  If you like your DR.  I would suggest staying in his care until you have another option.  Giving you oxytocin in your sleep is unacceptable.  Did you make a complaint? 

[zoebird]

i love how these responses don't even speak to UC or even support UC. lol

I agree that if she will be treated by her doctor, then she should definitely have a talk with him about her prior experience and how not to repeat it.

If she wants a midwife, instead, it might be a good idea to go with a local, unlicensed one -- if she feels comfortable with that.

Before going through the primary questions, OP, you really need to decide if you feel confident with UC, which includes an outcome where you simply show up at the hospital and have to deal with those same nurses. And, possibly having somehow raised their ire ahead of time. There's actually quite a bit to make peace with and learn about -- not just these logistics.

do i continue with my prenatal check ups with my doctor (which seem pretty pointless anyways)? what could they do if i stopped going and they knew my intentions?

If you want, you can continue with your check ups. A lot of women do-- they just don't tell anyone their plans. Then, they say "oops, the baby came too soon!" and go into the hospital or make an appt with the family doctor for some time after the birth (varies from person to person; we had to wait 3 days because our doc was on holiday). 

Staying with your appointments can help if you do decide to go in for an emergency, and you can still bring up what your experience was and talk to your doctor about it. This way, if you do go in, at least everyone's aware of where you stand.

If you choose to forgo your check ups, you can simple say that you are going with another care provider. They can assume whatever, and it's rare that they'll assume UC. They usually assume another doctor or a midwife. I wouldn't worry about it overmuch.

I suppose that, worst case scenario, they could use the court system to force you to do what they want, but this is rather arduous for busy people.

What is the "procedure" (for lack of better word) after birth, with registry, check ups and all that?

I can't say what the registry process is -- as it varies based on location. For check ups, I assume that you simply make an appointment. and for "all that?" I don't know what it refers to. :)

and if something goes wrong and i end up in the maternity ward with those nasty nurses again...i dont even know!

If something goes wrong, you'll want to be there, and while the nurses may be nasty, at least you know that you need to be there and that it's the right thing for you and the baby. KWIM?

[JamieCatheryn]

Wow I'm sorry, I certainly didn't mean to sound unsupportive! Not sure how I came across as such! She asked about UP and I said that's legally fine but some people can raise a stink about it anyway, one can do ones own prenatal care and I mentioned some options, and advice not to discuss it with an OB who is professionally obligated to oppose it. I personally benefited from an unlicensed mw at birth which she also asked about, but said if UC is what she's most comfortable with, get prepared and do it.

[riverview9]

I think these are good responses and don't sound unsupportive of UC. Instead of deciding to UC solely because you hated your hospital experience, think about what UC consists of. If your uncomfortable being solely responsible for your own care then look more into the underground midwives around you. You ould also stay home as long as possible and go to hospital at last minute. If you don't mind the prenatal appt then go to them. if they drive you nuts and you seem them as unnecessary then do your own prenatal care and use the OB incase something unusual arises

[zoebird]

i think they are supportive of the mother and good advices -- since I repeated both -- but they actually both direct the mother *away* from UC and not toward it in any specific way. not that a post has to, but I thought I would answer the questions (best I could based on the information) from a UC-centric perspective (where UC is already the choice made). :)

[ehdesign]

Thanks for the responses!

I wanted a home birth so badly with my first child, but it wasnt an option. I didn't know of any midwives in my town (I've heard of a few now tho), and the closest midwife in either direction, was at least 2 hours away (hr long ferry, +hour drive) We live in a very secluded town, and there is only one hospital. In this towns obstetrical mind, there is only one way to birth.

I am a young mother (I was 20 when my first was born) and the medical industry here looks down on that (Im one of the OLDER young mothers too!). My doctor is a descent doctor, but he has A LOT of patients and doesnt really get to know them, or pay attention to whats going on. My prenatal appointments are MAX 15 min. And I have to re-ask or explain any questions or concerns I have. Unfortunately, I've already switched drs once (to this dr last time i was pregnant) and he was my only option.

I am confident in myself, and my body to deliver this baby at home. My husband is confident enough to help me, although he would rather not be completely alone in the situation (at least have someone else there in case a problem arises), this is why i was thinking about the midwives here.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk to a dear friend of mine who is planning to UC next month. We are going to talk about her birth plans, as well as other options she has considered. She knows many more people here in town than I do, so I'm hoping she can get me in contact with the midwives.

[JamieCatheryn]

Sounds to me a great set up for a UC. Whatever you do you're willing and wishing to be responsible and in charge of all the external factors. Attending your friend's UC might be a great experience and having her attend yours, help to normalize the concept for you and each of you have someone else supportive and educated about it who isn't busy giving birth.

If you'd like the support and cost isn't prohibitive, a midwife to check in with might be good if you like one that's available, getting somebody experienced and knowledgable to confirm what you already know. Now, if you were laboring and a complication or possible emergency came up you would have immediate phone support if you hired a midwife, but if she's 2 hours away she would be very limited in how much help she could give beyond giving some suggestions. One concern that women who are most comfortable with UC have about care providers present is losing touch with their intuition, losing confidence, getting out of the state of mind and hormones that helps birth happen, because suddenly somebody else is in authority. A quiet respectful midwife and/or calling her in late or after the birth can help that. But so can going it alone and learning ways to work with a normal labor or one with variations of normal, and how to recognize any real trouble and address it.

If you have to end up with a hospital birth, either planned or for a minor complication, a doula, your husband, a birth plan, and very assertive attitude will get you a lot closer to what you want and need, though you and you team would have to face a hundred extra annoyances just for you to give birth. I was 19 with my first, had a supportive OB but unsupportive hospital, and the OB was out of town. My DH had to remind them of my wishes constantly and remind them (diplomatically...) they weren't the boss of me repeatedly when we declined routine intervention and humiliating procedure. If you can keep it safe and keep your confidence, home is the way to go. Whether alone, with friends, or with a mw gets you those requirements best is a personal choice.