Sharing my koi assisted waterbirth plans - Page 2

[nicolian]

[samstress]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen 

You, dear, have created quite the stir. I bow down to you

you should read the comments on her blog...they're fantastic.

[RosemaryS-F]

Gil, I love it.

[Jane]

Apparently, someone shared it on Reddit, and Dave Barry posted it on his blog. Woot! Taking the world over with koi-birthin'.

[yellowdart]

Yep, this showed up on my FB friends feed from a guy totally unrelated to the birth crowd.  I was like :O

[~pi]

Jane.

[Jane]

[extrasharp]

Jane, somebody posted this on our koi board.  If your serious, please reconsider.

My first concern obviously is your baby.  I've had koi for 25 years, I've pulled them out, scraped and scoped (took off some slime coat and look at the slide on a microscope) and even though healthy, most have parasites and bacteria they've built and immunity. The PP or Potassium Permaganate that your planning on disinfecting the pond with would have to be an enormous amount and still most likely not enough to control bacteria and parasites.   If it does, it'll kill your biofilter which will takes 6 week to get reestablished to control your nitrite and ammonia.  If you want an idea of what in your pond, scrape a little pond goo from the side or your filter and see what all lives there.

My pond has been monitored closely and tested weekly and fish are scraped on a regular basis.  I still scrub myself when I have to get in.  You want to put a torn vajay jay and subject a babies eyes and nostrils to pond water?

Next the fish. You take a risk any time you add PP, not to mention whoever is doing the treatment when its mixed and added has to have protective gear to prevent blindness.  I'd hate for my nervous hubby to try to get this mixed up while I'm screaming its time.  Also who's gonna take care of the fish after you release the blood, poo and amniotic fluid or if they stress from the PP?

Fish assist the baby to the top?  Seriously?  The fish are going to be terrified with the commotion and the part about your hubby assisting with the net?  Please tell him a koi that size risks serious internal damage being lifted with a net.  It should be guided in a large container and lifted with water.

Put your birthing tub beside the pond if you want to share the experience but for yourself and baby, please use clean water.

Best of luck.

Cindy

[matte]

I am almost certain that the koi-assisted-childbirth website is intended as satire, and as such is BRILLIANTLY SUCCESSFUL. Of course, like any case of brilliant satire, I pray to God it does not represent an actual plan of action ("A Modest Proposal" anyone?)

I have read this site like four times, and every time I die laughing. Thank you Jane!

Edited by matte - 7/1/11 at 11:00am

[lovelylisa]

ohhhhhhh...ddc crashing to say this is awesome.I wish I had thought of it!

[KABB]

Oh I am so happy to hear this is a farce. I know there are extreme births but the catching the baby in the net...that's just too much. I would have believed someone was crazy enough to do this if it wasn't for the net comment. I was hoping this was all one big joke. 

[Snugglebugmom]

  I wonder if I can get away with giving birth in a wolves den.  I like the name "Births with wolves". 

[rainface]

I laughed so hard I think I pulled something...

The new running joke in our house is that we are going to have to stop on our way to the hospital and pick up a bag of goldfish for the birthing tub. 

I salute you. 

[tutucrazy]

Wait, this was a hoax? I've read through the thread several times and I'm totally confused at whether it is real or not. Do I have placenta brain or something?

[Drummer's Wife]

I hope you are getting a lot of ad revenue off all those clicks, Jane!

Brilliantly done.

[Vancouver Mommy]

ddcc.

Brilliant. I absolutely loved it.

Also discovered that approximately one in ten people have no discernible sense of humour.

[KABB]

I don't think it's that they have no sense of humor, I think that it's that they don't think giving birth with fish or catching a baby in a net is funny.

ETA: basically she took one of the most precious, heart warming, fulfilling, life changing events someone will EVER go through and made it into a big joke just to get attention.
 

Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy 

ddcc.

Brilliant. I absolutely loved it.

Also discovered that approximately one in ten people have no discernible sense of humour.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by KABB 

I don't think it's that they have no sense of humor, I think that it's that they don't think giving birth with fish or catching a baby in a net is funny.

ETA: basically she took one of the most precious, heart warming, fulfilling, life changing events someone will EVER go through and made it into a big joke just to get attention.
 

Oh yeah, that is *exactly* what she did. The same way that virtually every stand-up comedian has done since...well since babies were being born.  People need to get a sense of humor.

Like this site http://www.quotegarden.com/pregnancy.html

or even better-Dave Barry> These are from "Babies and Other Hazards of Sex."

Pregnancy 
"The female reproductive system is extremely complicated, because females contain a great many organs, with new ones being discovered every day." (pg. 11)

Diapering 
"Oh, I realize there are diaper services that come to your house and drop off clean cloth diapers and pick up the dirty ones, but even those diapers are now disposable. The instant the driver is out of sight of your house, he hurls the dirty diapers into the street and drives off briskly." (pg. 22)

"If your baby has diaper rash, the pediatrician may say 'Just leave the diaper off for a while.' This would be a wonderful idea if the baby would stop shooting wastes out of its various orifices..." (pg. 46)

Anesthesia 
"Here is the system that was used for having babies during the Eisenhower Administration: At the first sign of pregnancy, the husband would rush the wife to the hospital, where she would be given modern medical drugs that would keep her from feeling contractions, or anything else, including a volcanic eruption in the delivery room...One big problem with this system is that drugs can have adverse effects on the baby, as is evidenced by the fact that every single person born during the 40s, 50s or 60s is really screwed up. 

"Today we have a much better childbirth system...the woman is not allowed to have any drugs unless she agrees, in writing, to feel guilty." (pp. 26-27)

Delivery 
"...You will be taken to the delivery room, where you will be placed in the Standard Childbirth Position...Medical researchers have tried for decades to come up with a childbirth position even more humiliating than this one, but they have had no success." (pg. 33)

"What to do immediately after birth: Close your eyes tightly. This is in case the doctor takes it into his head to show you the placenta, which is a highly unattractive object...In the old days, when people were decent, the placenta was disposed of quickly and quietly and was never talked about...now people bandy it about openly in public, as if it were a prize-winning bass." (pg. 35)

 

 

http://www.quotegarden.com/pregnancy.html

[Avani]

Calling attention to a highly questionable way to birth on a public board is worth bowing down to her? Weird. I too found it offensive she thinks those people that chose to UC are stupid but yet birthing with a bunch of large fish isn't. Whether this is made up or not it's just another ploy that draws attention once again to the judgement of how ridiculous the natural minded can be. Some people work really hard to go natural and deal with harrassment and judgements and this just seems like a strange way to get attention whether it is a joke or not. If it is a joke then you sure do have a lot of time on your hands to screw with people. Calling more attention to Mothering by the seemingly endless amounts of new trolls that are appearing daily is a major bummer. It was so nice when I could actually trust the people that were posting for real and needed actual support and advice. THis is just above and beyond.

[Avani]

What bothers me is that she is literally pulling attention to Mothering. It's unecessary. Anyone remember the sweet mom who homebirthed and I believe Uc'd her triplets? SHe received threats and harrassment to the point of having to leave Mothering. So pulling attention like this is unfair. The number of crazy postings I see now are obviously troll like and this just adds to it. In a way it's just making fun of those that do birth with dolphins. Or UC. Or don't vaccinate. What's ridiculous to some is a way of life to others.