I lurk here often, but don't think I've posted in this part of the forums yet. I am in desperate need of a pep talk.
First, a little about me:
1) I have an almost 12 yr old, a 9 yr old, and 17 month old twins.
2) We homeschool.
3) I work from home as a writer, with steady work and deadlines that take at least 10 hrs per week.
4) When I'm not feeling overwhelmed, I am strongly committed to homeschooling, keeping my babies home with me, and my writing work.
I'm feeling way overwhelmed, and lately, I'm feeling like sending them children all off to boarding school, the baby twins to day care, and taking a never-ending trip to the Bahams.
Ok, not really.
But I am seriously burnt out. It may be because the twins are in an intensely active time and are literally climbing the walls. It may be because we've had construction work in our house (replacing all pipes and bathrooms) for the past 8 weeks and I'm going nutty from the mess, noise, strange people in my home at all hours, and chaos.
It may also be from the twins being at this age where they want to nurse ALL THE TIME. If I sit on the couch, they are on me in a moment wanting to nurse, and fighting over who gets to nurse first, and then trying to kick or push the other one off their side.
It may be from the lack of sleep, lack of time to myself, needing to spend any time I do get to myself on my work -- I don't know.
Maybe it's from everything!
All I know is I need a break desperately.
I've tried a babysitter in the past, to come for a couple hours while I was home. It was more work! I had to babysit the babysitter, who couldn't deal with two babies at once, and my babies only wanted me.
My husband watches the babies at night for a couple hours, to give me time to work, but even then, sometimes my little girl will cry and cry until I take over. And it's only two hours, and two hours when I must work. Not exactly alone time or relaxing at all.
My husband said he will take the kids all out in two weeks for six hours, so I can get a break. He will take a day off work for this, and can't do it earlier for me. I am HOPING that the work in our house will be finished, so I can really have a day to myself completely. But that remains to be seen!
And sometimes, I feel like I'm not giving my babies enough time. Yes, I nurse them all day, they crawl on me, I spend so much time just on feeding and diapers and such. But I feel like most of the day, I'm just trying to get some space and time slightly away from them (like across the room, not in my lap.) I feel like I should be on the floor playing more than I already do, and then I start to think maybe daycare would be better for them. Then I bring myself back to reality and remember daycare isn't ideal either.
I'm not sure what I need, just to vent, or some reassurance. I have no idea. I do my best to care for myself, but I just can't find the time these days for it!
I don't want to give in and quit being a SAHM. But I'm afraid if I don't do something to turn this around, or at least get some real support, I will feel tempted.
Thanks for any wisdom or support,