I used to visit here often, but as we moved to the country and did not have ready access to the internet, I lost touch (to my detriment, really). I could go on and on about how the system failed me and taught me that my body is broken. My story is just like so many I have read on here, and I am ready to take back my births. Let me fill you all in so you can lift me up and show me I CAN do this, if we are blessed with another child.
I was all for a water birth with my first son in 2004. In the end, we were wheeled in for an emergency c-section after 27 hours of labor and waters ruptured, only at 7cm, and baby firmed wedged in my pelvis with the largest part of his head coming down first. I wish my midwife would have done something to turn him, now that I know that can be done. I tried for a VBAC with my next son in 2006. My waters broke before the onset of labor and after twelve hours of laboring with no support (I think hubby was suffering severe depression from the recent death of his father, but that is another story as to why he was not a support system), my labor ceased. I relented to a c-section because I was essentially all alone and just could not do it without support. Though the hospital was friendly to VBACs (so they said), the midwife slept through my labor, seldom checking in on me and did not try to remind me how much I wished to have a vaginal birth. So, along comes number 3 in 2008. This pregnancy was different because our home life was disrupted. We live in a mid to late 1800s home and discovered it was riddled with lead paint (we should have known). We went through the whole pregnancy with different crews coming and going, botching the lead safety standards and endangering the children and the unborn baby's health. We had to move out but only had a place temporarily. As our time their dwindled down, we had few choices. My due date was nearing and there were zero signs of impending labor. We talked ourselves into a c-section, even though I could have tried for a VBAC at that hospital. I feel foolish now to have done so, but the stress of having no where to stay that was close to the hospital wore us down. My husband had to return to work and we were almost 2 hours from home at this place with me as the sole driver. Our family went to live with friends closer to home the day after I was released. The stress was intense as the new contractors botched even more work on the home, making it another 6 weeks before we could safely return. My last baby, our first daughter, was a scheduled c-section. At that point, I was convinced that I was broken, born incorrectly made to never vaginally birth a baby. I was once again a fool of the system, a system that has long lost the vision of what God designed women's bodies to do.
Now that I have spilled all that on you all, maybe you will understand me a bit better. I suffered deeply not being even one of the first few people to hold my baby, not getting to nurse right away. I felt I had let my husband down, and myself, since I just could not make this happen. Laying in the OR, listening to the doctors talk about how much I've bled, or the adhesions, or random gossip...it was .lightyears away from my dream of a peaceful water birth. There are endless more details, but this is the most consise I can be without boring every one to death ;)
I am praying for more children. I am completely open to more. The last OB said that I he would not tell me to not have more, but that I had many adhesions and risk damaging other internal organs if I were to have another c-section. I doubt he, or anyone in my state associated with a hospital, would take me on as a VBAC candidate. I am pretty sure I would not want another hospital birth anyway, as it always seems to head down the road to the OR.
Am I nuts to want a VBA4C? I have read several stories of others that have succeeded, and others that ended in rupture. I will say that I grilled the OB at my post-birth exam. The answers I was looking for are: my uterus is not thinning, and actually looks nice and thick and I have MANY adhesions. I am starting to realize that there is probably no real reason I cannot give natural birth, if I were just allowed to have the time to let my body work without interventions and if I had a proper support system.
Do adhesions make a VBAC more dangerous? If it is any indication, I keloid consistenly with almost any wound that isn't superficial. I had a total thyroidectomy that has a large keloid, for example. Would that mean my scar is likely strong and less likely to rupture, seeing as keloids are so thick (just a thought)?
I soooo appreciate all the lovely stories and words of encouragment that I have read here. Thank you all! Please, either set me straight, teach me some truths, or show me a way, because if I am able to have another child, I will not be signing up for another c-section! (sorry that this turned into a mini-book!)