help me analyze this :(

[daurelia]

Hello friends,

I could really use someone to listen to me obsessing and give a second opinion about what is going on here. I've never been pregnant before and even in just these two weeks I feel like I'm being challenged emotionally in totally new ways.

As I wrote in the spotting thread, on Monday (6/13) I started spotting. It was just a light brown discharge on the toilet paper, a very tiny amount, never enough to show up on my undies or even a panty liner. A couple of days there was more of it than other days-- and it was closer to a dark brick red instead of just a light brown streak. But it was never enough to even necessitate a panty liner. Just on TP.

Well, it has continued. FOR SIX DAYS. Today and yesterday it's much, much less- barely noticeable really.

But it's still there- when I wipe, there's a slight streak of brown.

I've asked every woman I know who has had a baby if they spotted during early pregnancy. They all said "no, I didn't, a friend of mine did though and she miscarried".

So this last week I've felt so down, and so distrustful of my body-- it's a terrible feeling. I've never felt that way before. I'm really struggling here.

This is going to sound like a stupid question but... is it possible to miscarry slowly? Or is miscarriage ONLY a big obvious gush of blood?

On Friday I took a preg test just to reassure me. The line went dark immediately- a strong positive HPT. Is that a good sign? Or if I were miscarrying would that still happen?

augh. I've stopped feeling excited about this baby because I feel so uncertain about whether or not it will happen.

When typically can you hear the heartbeat? I'm going in 2 weeks for an US and I'm hoping to hear a heartbeat then. I'll be 8 weeks then. Is that too early to hear it?

Thanks for any thoughts or perspective on this. Sorry if I sound nuts here-- I FEEL nuts. I really appreciate you listening.

[cwoodard]

Hugs. I haven't been through spotting, so I can't help with that, although it sounds like a good sign that your pregnancy tests are still strongly positive and the spotting might be tapering off.

You can usually see the heart beating on a US around 5-6 weeks. With my first baby, I had a US at 5.5 weeks (very early because it was IVF) and saw the heart beating. So you should definitely be able to see that when you go in for yours :) I think you can't HEAR a heartbeat for a few more weeks still.

[daurelia]

Thank you, Cynthia. I really appreciate that information.

I'm reminded of another thing: because of this spotting I was dragged into my OB's office (who I will be leaving soon to transfer to a CN-Midwife practice!)... They did an US when I was 5 weeks 4 days, and she said it was "inconclusive". I mean, not only no heartbeat but only a "cluster" that she said might be the beginning of an embryo but said it was too soon to see anything in my case.

So I'm really feeling disheartened here.

Is it possible I'm not really pregnant?!?!?! Or I miscarried slowly? I am so confused and upset, augh. I never thought there would be a gray area to pregnancy. I figured I'd either be pregnant or not pregnant.

[thecoffeebean]

I experienced spotting during my first pregnancy (DD is 17 mo old now). I was diagnosed with a subcorionic hematoma- basically a bruise that was from where the placenta attached. I had light to medium spotting from about 6 to 14 weeks, sometimes brown but sometimes bright red. I know it's scary but you could very well have something similar and your baby could be fine. Plenty of people experience this- it's not normal but it's common. I remember how scary it was seeing blood on the TP.

When I think back to my first trimester with DD, all I remember is dread and sadness. I was certain that I would miscarry any moment. This pregnancy, I know that no matter what happens, I don't want misery to cast a cloud over my early days of carrying this baby.

You're in my thoughts- try to take it easy and keep us updated with what you find out!

[mrskatiekuj]

By 8 weeks you should be able to at least see a heart beat by u/s.

with my m/c I didn't have any bleeding and it wasn't until my 10wk u/s that showed the baby had stopped growing at 6 wks, and there was no heartbeat - so yes I suppose you could miscarry "slowly".

I hope this spotting is benign, and at the risk of offering you more anecdotal evidence, i have personally known more than one woman who had bleeding throughout her period and gave birth to a healthy baby.

Good luck momma, I know how stressed and worried you must be feeling!

[mamanoish]

I know this is hard to deal with. I have had 2 previous miscarriages and every time I go to the bathroom I look for spotting. EVERY TIME.

But if it makes you feel better, in both cases for me I didn't spot lightly for days. With my first one it was just an insane amount of bleeding about a week after my period was due. With my second miscarriage I was 7w3d and noticed a tiny bit of blood when I wiped. It got heavier and heavier and before I went to bed I needed a panty liner. The next morning I had cramps, extreme back ache and was losing everything. When I went to my midwife she offered to draw my hcg and then again the next day to check to see if the levels were dropping, but I just requested a U/S so I could get it over with then because I knew I had lost the baby. When she scanned me, there was nothing. No sac, no embryo, nothing like what you see when a women is pregnant, so I'd say that because it's THERE on your U/S that is hopeful for you. But obviously I'm not a doctor/midwife and this is just my personal experience. Hope it helps though! 

[parsley]

Sorry you're having such a hard time, Daurelia!

For what it's worth, I've had very light spotting with both of my pregnancies.  With DD, it was a super intense cramp at 4 1/2 weeks, spotting and then nothing ever again.  With this pregnancy, I had brown spotting for about 24 hours last week (again 4 1/2 weeks pregnant).  I panicked a bit but it's gone away now.  I think that if you don' have cramping it is less likely that it is a miscarriage.  Though, unfortunately, only time will tell. 

As for seeing the heartbeat on the u/s.  Any chance your dates are a little off?  Or maybe you had late implantation?  With dd I went in for an ultrasound at what I thought was 6 weeks, turned out it was 5 weeks.  They couldn't see anything on the u/s and suggested I probably had had a miscarriage.  They did beta tests and the numbers doubled 2 days later, the dr. then thought it must be ectopic.  Turns out, my dates were just wrong and the docs weren't listening to me about cycle length, etc...  So, the lack of a clear pic on the u/s could really just be that it was too soon to see anything. 

Did you get a beta test?  Is your hcg doubling?  If not, maybe you can go in and get that done to help answer your question, and hopefully ease your mind. 

Good luck.

[daurelia]

Parsley, Mamanoish, Katie and Coffee, wow, you all must be WONDERFUL mothers because I feel so comforted by what you have told me. Thank you so much.

I'm late seeing this & replying because I shoved away the internet yesterday in a fit of anguish. "dr. google" was telling me scary things. I had multiple crying fits with my DH and then went to sleep at 8:30pm... wow. Maybe I really am pregnant ;) I do feel better today. Could these be ricocheting emotions caused by hormones? Or maybe I'm just so traumatized by this experience... I'll never know which.

Katie, anecdotal evidence does make me feel better, since I've been asking my few friends who know that I am pg if they spotted, and they all say no and look very concerned :/

Coffee, I wonder if I have the condition you describe?? This bleeding does feel like it could be the result of a slight bruise, since it's so slight-- just a little trickle-- and it's only brown. And Coffee, the way you described your first trimester when you were spotting made me tear up a little because that is EXACTLY how I feel. This subtle feeling of doom that I can't shake. You all don't know me but I'm normally a really upbeat and happy person-- this has been a really challenging week for me. I don't want pregnancy to be like this for me and I've gotta find a way to shake it.

Mamanoish, while the stories of your MCs make me so sad for you-- how hard that must have been-- it does help me to hear from someone firsthand what theirs was like to compare to whatever is going on with me. It certainly sounds very different from this week of brown discharge. I appreciate you sharing that with me. I am rooting for BOTH of us to make it through this scary first trimester.

Parsley, glad to know I'm not the only one spotting. I do feel kind of alone on this strange issue. Now that you ask, I think I did implant a little on the later side-- I experienced implantation bleeding on 12 & 13 DPO. So it's possible that that's why the US tech wasn't able to see anything concrete yet.

Sigh... I just have to get through the next 10 days before my next US until I know more. Unfortunately my husband will be out of town for business later this week, I'll feel extra alone :( 

I really appreciate everyone' s support, SO so much.

[slimkins]

Daurelia, my experience was almost identical to what smbcoffe wrote. From the type of blood to the time period in which it occurred. Is there anyway you can go in for another u/s? Even if only for peace of mind right now. I had one during my sixth week, and even though the spotting continued for weeks after, it really did take the edge off my nerves. Spotting for such a long time, or at all, really is so hard on the emotional bond you are trying to form with your baby. I think even more so when it is your first pregnancy. I was always hoping for the best, but expecting the worse. And that does take a toll on you. I will say that after you have a confirmed heartbeat, even though you keep bleeding, you do breathe a slight air of relief. You still get nervous every time you wipe, but you are better at telling yourself everything is going to be ok... and actually believing it. :)

Hugs to you mama.

[hildare]

hey!  don't get discouraged! 

you should see a heartbeat at your 8 week u/s.  my doc has a machine that lets you 'hear' it, so maybe that too?

i had a few m/c before this one.  i bled very heavily and had pretty dramatic pain.  i have also talked with docs etc extensively about it.. and they all say that brown blood is "old" blood.  i hope that makes you feel better, and just hang in there.  :) 

when i had a chemical pregnancy, the test went back to negative pretty much immediately.  i think if you're not feeling cramping, you're going to be ok at this point...

did you get betas? 

[bluedaisy]

So sorry you're going through this - I do know several people who had light spotting in the beginning of their pregnancies, including my sister and one of my best friends.  Both of them have healthy babies.

They were told as long as the blood is not red and there is no cramping, it's normal and nothing to worry about.

You should call your OB and tell him/her your concerns - waiting 2 weeks for the u/s is too long, IMO - I think they should be able to let you in for an earlier u/s or do beta tests since it's affecting you so much.

Praying everything is just fine!!

[cwoodard]

I'll be chewing my nails along with you daurelia :/ Sorry your hubby has to go out of town, and I hope your next ultrasound shows a happy, healthy baby! 

[APToddlerMama]

DDCC.  I spotted from weeks 6-13 with my son and then again in the second trimester at some point briefly.  I'm 16 weeks pregnant now with number 2 and spotted for 6 days with implantation, then again at 8 weeks, and again starting last week.  It is a total emotional drain and sucks, but I have talked to a billion women who spotted and had healthy children.  Try not to worry yourself too much.  My 5.5 week ultrasound showed a sac with nothing in it.  My 6 week 2 day ultrasound showed a heart beat.  Hang in there... It is hard but there is much to be hopeful about. 

[daurelia]

Hello everyone,

I miscarried today. This has been one of the most traumatic experiences of my life-- I know, I've had an easy life, for sure. But still. Went to the doc and it was clearly a miscarriage, but I already knew because the bleeding had greatly increased. Because my husband is going out of town on Thursday we decided to take the medication that speeds up the process-- I didn't want to be alone for the worst of it. Today has sucked to say the least.

We got pregnant the first time we tried this May-- and this whole whirlwind experience of TTC, going through the TWW, finding out I was PG, spotting for a week, and now this... well, I just feel so completely emotionally drained from this experience. I thought it was hard but I would get a baby in the end so it would be worth it. Now I have nothing and I don't know what to do next. Drink a glass of wine, maybe?

Also, I don't know when we can try again for professional reasons (I was hoping to capitalize on time between finishing grad school in Dec and finding a job the following summer), if I'm not having a baby I need to get a job right away, and it takes time before a job will not be assholes when you need maternity leave.

Anyway. I wish you all tons of luck- what a great group. This was my first experience being in any sort of DDC, and when the time is right in the future I hope the next one is as nice as you all are.

Thanks for your thoughts and support.

[:loveher:]

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband, daurelia.  

[wc12]

Hi Daurelia, 

I am so sorry that you have miscarried.  I know this pain firsthand.  The loss is unbelievably sad and at times feels like just too much.  Allow yourself the time to grieve and process what has happened.   

--E

[bluedaisy]

Daurelia, I'm so sorry to hear that - it is a traumatic experience, you've experienced a very real loss.  Give yourself time and permission to grieve

[Mooncat]

so sad to hear it.  sorry you're having to go through this.

[Alenushka]

May you recover

Edited by Alenushka - 6/21/11 at 6:44pm

[thecoffeebean]

I'm so sad to hear that, Daurelia. I'll keep you in my thoughts/prayers. This is a really traumatic event, and you will need time to grieve it. Best wishes to you.