Considering switching to UA or a home birth..

[Lisa1970]

I am having miserable "luck" with doctors. I have been considering for some time switching over to home birth, but am scared that I cannot handle it. My dh wanted us to switch to home birth long ago. I live in a smallish suburb with no birth centers or midwives. I went out looking for midwives who will come to our home. There is a birth center about a 45 minute-hour drive from here. And we have considered unassisted birth.

Here is the history...

Baby 1...induced, hospital was very abusive, baby ended up born by csect after 4.5 hrs of pushing and passing meconium the entire time. He was born dead and had to be revived and his organs had starting shutting down. By some miracle, he pulled through, but he has brain damage. That was hospital A

Baby 2...wonderful VBAC.... hospital B

Baby 3...mistake at hospital killed this baby....Hospital C

Baby 4.......doctor lied to me at last second and told me I had previa so I would consent to csect. found out later he had lied from the other doctor.....

Baby 5....at 36 weeks, doctor, who previously said vbac was fine, changed to csect and threatened me with CPS if I did not consent. She found out I sued the doctor and hospital from Baby 3....hospital B

Baby 6....in car accident which broke my water at 20 weeks. Dr was fine, she tried hard, had him at Hospital D

Baby 7.....Dr was still fine, still hospital D and still doctor from baby 6. But, she was not comfy with csect. She did not require me to have a repeat C, but I had one because she was obviously always so nervous

Baby 8...this one. I have 2 different OBs. One is from baby 6 and 7, and the other came recommended at ICAN. The ICAN doctor only practices at hospital A. I tried to tour, but the hospital is still as nasty as it ever was and I had an anxiety attack just trying to visit the hospital.  OB from baby 6 and 7 has switched to Hospital E, no longer practices at hospital D. I am worried she will start to panic at the end again. Plus, I am not impressed by Hospital E. I was up there for a UTI and they were very bossy and procedure oriented, to the point of bringing me to tears. The nurse was very rude and nasty. It is a very small hospital with very few nurses. There was not even a curtain near the door and she exposed my privates and kept opening the door, which went to public hallway where strangers could see me. 

So, it feels like I have no options. I heard there is a doctor down in the city, which will mean at least an hour drive, that does VBACs. Honestly, nothing positive has ever come of going to the hospital for me. Plus, I have been so traumatized by hospitals, that I am scared to go at all. I admit to wanting pain killers, but am wondering if they are worth it. I have really been put through hell by hospitals. Plus, my son who has to live with the brain damage and my son who does not get to live at all. (btw, while hospital A and Hospital C were not the same hospital, they were run by the same administration, just different locations, and shared staff).

WWYD? Please no insults, I am already 26.5 weeks pregnant and spending too much time stressing and crying about this. 

[XanaduMama]

I'm so, so sorry for all these awful birth experiences, and especially for the loss of your baby and the injury to your son. If I were you, I'd start a very serious quest to find a HB midwife who will and can attend your next birth. Ask around in your local Tribe for some recommendations, if you're having trouble finding anyone. You should also visit the birth center, take a tour, talk to them, see what you think. For me, 45 minutes is definitely not too far to travel for the right birth environment. Depending on your state's licensing laws, though, they may not be able or willing to take a VBAC who wasn't a transfer of theirs--that's how it was in NC, where my babies were born. But given your (totally justified) anxiety about hospitals, interventions, and the self-serving ways of OBs, I'd recommend a homebirth. My first birth, in the hospital, was not even traumatic, and my HB felt unbelievably healing. Good luck mama! Sounds like you deserve some.

[LiLStar]

I'd seriously consider that birth center, see how you feel about the midwives there. If they're wonderful, they'd be well worth the drive! 45 min isn't that bad. And do they also attend home births? If so they may be willing to come to you. That would also get around laws that forbid vbac at birth centers, if any such laws exist in your state. At the very least, set up an interview

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[cinderella08]

I'm so, so sorry for your bad experiences!

I'd consider looking into that birth center for sure if I were in your situation!

[MegBoz]

I'd look at HB first & foremost - but that requires a good MW who is skilled & who you trust. Have you ever labored in water? With the right emotional & physical support, comfort of your own home & a big tub, you may find the pain more manageable than you think.

If you still want to think about the hospital though, IMX, L&D at a hospital are totally unrelated to other practices in that hospital. For example - the 2 worst hospitals for birth in the greater Baltimore area - BY FAR -are GBMC & Hopkins. Hopkins still practices "nothing by mouth" for goodness sake - and OF COURSE cEFM is required for all births. An awful place to birth, yet it's one of the top hospitals in the nation for serious illness.

GMBC has a 45% CS rate (& I've heard rumors that is only "primary" CS - actual total CS rate is 60%). But their ENT practice is great. I had my tonsils removed there & still go to my ENT there. One of the docs in that ENT practice is the best for clipping infant tongue ties.

So I wouldn't let the UTI experience get me too upset about birthing at that hospital. GOOD LUCK!