I am having miserable "luck" with doctors. I have been considering for some time switching over to home birth, but am scared that I cannot handle it. My dh wanted us to switch to home birth long ago. I live in a smallish suburb with no birth centers or midwives. I went out looking for midwives who will come to our home. There is a birth center about a 45 minute-hour drive from here. And we have considered unassisted birth.
Here is the history...
Baby 1...induced, hospital was very abusive, baby ended up born by csect after 4.5 hrs of pushing and passing meconium the entire time. He was born dead and had to be revived and his organs had starting shutting down. By some miracle, he pulled through, but he has brain damage. That was hospital A
Baby 2...wonderful VBAC.... hospital B
Baby 3...mistake at hospital killed this baby....Hospital C
Baby 4.......doctor lied to me at last second and told me I had previa so I would consent to csect. found out later he had lied from the other doctor.....
Baby 5....at 36 weeks, doctor, who previously said vbac was fine, changed to csect and threatened me with CPS if I did not consent. She found out I sued the doctor and hospital from Baby 3....hospital B
Baby 6....in car accident which broke my water at 20 weeks. Dr was fine, she tried hard, had him at Hospital D
Baby 7.....Dr was still fine, still hospital D and still doctor from baby 6. But, she was not comfy with csect. She did not require me to have a repeat C, but I had one because she was obviously always so nervous
Baby 8...this one. I have 2 different OBs. One is from baby 6 and 7, and the other came recommended at ICAN. The ICAN doctor only practices at hospital A. I tried to tour, but the hospital is still as nasty as it ever was and I had an anxiety attack just trying to visit the hospital. OB from baby 6 and 7 has switched to Hospital E, no longer practices at hospital D. I am worried she will start to panic at the end again. Plus, I am not impressed by Hospital E. I was up there for a UTI and they were very bossy and procedure oriented, to the point of bringing me to tears. The nurse was very rude and nasty. It is a very small hospital with very few nurses. There was not even a curtain near the door and she exposed my privates and kept opening the door, which went to public hallway where strangers could see me.
So, it feels like I have no options. I heard there is a doctor down in the city, which will mean at least an hour drive, that does VBACs. Honestly, nothing positive has ever come of going to the hospital for me. Plus, I have been so traumatized by hospitals, that I am scared to go at all. I admit to wanting pain killers, but am wondering if they are worth it. I have really been put through hell by hospitals. Plus, my son who has to live with the brain damage and my son who does not get to live at all. (btw, while hospital A and Hospital C were not the same hospital, they were run by the same administration, just different locations, and shared staff).
WWYD? Please no insults, I am already 26.5 weeks pregnant and spending too much time stressing and crying about this.