Please tell me your NON-NURSING routines for bed.

[mrskatiekuj]

I have a 3 yr old and an 18 mo old, both start the night out in a bed together and come into our bed in the middle of the night. Daughter has been weaned for the last two weeks, and I'm feeling at a loss for a routine to get her to bed. My son is super easy and falls asleep quickly on his own.

Our routine is such:

bath

jammies, brush teeth

my husband and i snuggle in bed and read books with them with some warm milk.

then this is where we have lost it...she no longer wants to rock with my husband, which is what we did pre weaning (I would nurse then my husband would take her and rock her to sleep).So right now, she basically just cried herself to sleep lying next to me in bed, last night this went on for two hours!!

how do you get your young toddlers to actually fall asleep without nursing?

[To-Fu]

I'm not sure, since I'm still nursing my 3yo and 13mo.  Hopefully not forever, though!  So I'll be watching this thread for ideas.  Hope you get some good ones. :)

[little birds]

I have no advice, but I'm subbing for ideas. Putting my twins to sleep is taking hours, and nursing just doesn't make them sleepy anymore (what the heck?!).
Good vibes, mama. I just keep telling myself it's all such a short period of our lives in the long run and it'll get better, right?

[brennan]

For dd, who is 2 1/2

-Bath

-Daddy cuddles while mommy gets everything ready (plug in night light, get jammies etc), bed time snack

-jammies

-read 2 books

-turn on her music, its putamayo dreamland I think (its in dd's room and she's asleep, sorry not going to verify)

-rub her back for one song then kiss her good night

I'm pretty lucky in that if she didn't fall asleep while I was rubbing her back, she falls asleep pretty quick after.  We do have some nights where she needs water, needs to pee, needs to talk to daddy etc etc.  She always has access to books she can read if she can't fall asleep, usually books with flaps or a lot of pictures and she likes to look at them.  

In the beginning, there was a lot of snuggling, and rubbing her back to sleep.  A lot of wimpering, but even after a week of that she started to do it on her own.  The books seemed to help.  We got her some new books, like I said flap books were a hit.  We also gave up naps when we were making the transition so that she would be tired (I know this doesn't work with all kids).  We would look at the books and then eventually she would drift off.  We have had the same bedtime routine since she weaned, though she recently moved to her own bed.

[LittleKind]

My 8mo has never nursed to sleep. I have a strong let down and it is not relaxing for him at all. Routine:

sit at table with us for dinner. he self feeds and gets messy.

wipe down, diaper, looong lotion application with calm whisper talking, pajamas

sit with dad and read stories

walk around house saying goodnight to everything. i use the sling, dad does not, but still cuddles him close.

I think the low voices, repetitive "good night stove, good night plant, good night ___" and rhythm of walking is what does it.

Then lay down next to him when he's mostly asleep and he gives in. Sometimes not and we get up and walk more.

[new2this]

Our routine starts around 6 pm on a good night. 

Supper. 

Bath (every other night or if supper was messy)

Pjs and bottle if she needs one

Cuddle with daddy if he is home. Till she is calm and and almost sleepy.

Say good nights and I put her to bed. Turn on her giraffe music thing cover her up and usually she goes right to sleep. 

It was pretty much the same when we nursed only difference was she was ready to nurse again by the time we went to bed. 

She is on average in bed by 830 at the latest. But most nights 8pm. She is 10 months BTW

[mamaprovides]

My kids (3y & 13m) start their bedtime routine 4 hours after they wake up from their afternoon nap OR (since the 3y doesn't always nap) the 3yo is in his room by 8pm

Dinner (between 5-6pm)

They go with my husband and I take this time to pull it together

Free play (not always "free" sometimes structured) If someone is REALLY excited or teething or something we make them run and run and run...but for the most part it is music.

OR

Bath (not always every night) They take a bath together. & Brush teeth

Then some time all together winding down but still playing (not always as soothing as one would hope...these days almost always ends in tears)

Usually take turns having one on one time while my husband and I pretend to talk. Read books, play candy land, snuggle,

Then good night kisses in the form of a rocket ship that blasts my son into outer space and he docks at "besito (kiss) station" (me) & docking with "satellite besito" (13m)...very cute...then he goes warp 9 to bed.

Dad & 3yo read 1 book and  he gets one to book for quiet time & sleeping with (cat in the hat is really pointy...grrr)

meanwhile 13m old & I nurse and say goodnight...the alternative is I settle her down and rock her until she is very very calm or asleep. However, on nights when she is teething or I am inferior to the great almighty daddy...he comes rescues her from my clutches, gives her some chamomile and either rocks her to sleep or puts her in the swing.

I put 13m with 3y about 30-45m after 3y goes to bed. (I really like the sibling bed)

My husband walks the dog while I set up the next day

Then we spend sometime together

THEN one of use clears the bed of books and toys and rearranges the 3y while the other changes the 13m diaper. Then it's all into bed...kid mom kid dad and dog at my feet.

You're right...this is tough. I have a much looser routine with my daughter. But with my son I do remember what we called hell week...and yes, it was my husband in bed with him while he screamed for me. It got a little better each night. but changing the routine and not going back to what we did before really made the difference. Over the years we have changed who is reading the bedtime stories as a way to signal the reset button and show a new routine.

[sosurreal09]

We still nurse and mostly nurse to sleep but when DD is having a hard time going down after nursing I give her a nice body massage that was always in our routine when she was an infant b/c she was really really hard to put to sleep. I just do something simple starting with the feet, legs, bum, back, and neck. We don't usually do the belly anymore. I just lay her on my chest when she wants a massage and sometimes I will sing or hum when I do it.

Good luck!

[Italiamom]

One thing I would suggest it to just keep doing the routine you laid out.  It looks pretty good to me, honestly.  But just be prepared for it to take longer...  Two weeks is really recent!  It took our son probably a month and a half to really get used to not nursing to sleep.  It might not be that your routine isn't working, but just that at 2 weeks, it's not "routine" yet.  I think for an adult, doesn't it take 4 weeks to make something routine?  Maybe adding an extra book, or some soft and sweet songs with the lights out...  But really, OP, it looks like yours is a pretty standard, excellent bedtime routine.  Now all you need is a little more TIME of practicing to take it to routine, especially if nursing was part of it just a few weeks ago. 

[Mama_of_1]

Any updates on progress from the OP?  Curious how the bedtimes are going...  I'm thinking about adjusting our bedtime routine with DD to not nurse to sleep or nurse in bed laying down.  I'm starting to suspect that it's encouraging her dependence on wanting to nurse at night also. 

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by Mama_of_1 

Any updates on progress from the OP?  Curious how the bedtimes are going...  I'm thinking about adjusting our bedtime routine with DD to not nurse to sleep or nurse in bed laying down.  I'm starting to suspect that it's encouraging her dependence on wanting to nurse at night also. 

Just IMHO and experience by not nursing to sleep and going through hell making it that way the two do not correlate! My DD was still waking at night 2-3 times no matter what even when I did not let her nurse to sleep and it just made my life harder. I think babies/young children are dependent regardless and I have known plenty of FF moms who have experienced baby and toddler wakings even though they don't wake for milk.

I think all babies/kids will sleep through the night when they are ready. My DD was an all night nurser who is now STTN and I did not do anything to encourage it. she did it all on her own. She started STTN at 18 m/o and would always have a week out of the month that she would still wake and now it's just a day here or there at 21 m/o. 9 times out of 10 she is STTN now even though her cousin (who hasn't had any milk at night since 6 m/o, was ff and now on cows milk) will wake up 2-3x a night still and is 25m/o. I think it is very much the child and not the nursing.

[Italiamom]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I think it is very much the child and not the nursing.

Yup.  This.  Completely.  DS probably only nurses a few times a day now, never to bed, never at night, and he still wakes several times per night.  Nightweaning helped his number of nightwakings (he wakes every few hours, vs. every 40 minutes to nurse), but he's never slept through the night.

[mrskatiekuj]

thanks everyone for your responses. we are back to having daddy rock her to sleep, and this is what is working for now. she goes out really quickly after they start rocking. Laying in bed with her was just not working for me, especially because she has a bit of a biting problem - and thought it was really funny to try and bite me while I was trying to get her to go to sleep. I would eventually like to transition to her just laying in bed with my son and I and falling asleep, but I feel like it will come when she is ready.