So DH is a paramedic and came home from work yesterday to tell me that there will be no way in h-e- double hockey sticks that we will be co-sleeping. One of the guys on his shift went on a call where the dad rolled over and suffocated one of the babies. It was a set of twins.
I tried to explain to him that there were probably extenuating circumstances that caused this to happen and that there are "rules" to safe co-sleeping.
I'm frustrated! Sorry just needed to vent!
Would he consider a co-sleeper or a little bed next to yours? That is how my Hubby and I are compromising.
Awww, I'm sorry Hawaiian Blessing 
It's hard to compromise on stuff like this. I think the idea of a cosleeper is a really great "at first" compromise. Studies do still show a lot of the same great benefits with cosleeping as with bedsharing -- the cosleeper right next to you still helps baby to regulate breathing, still helps baby to feel more secure and less alone, still helps to reduce the incidence of SIDS... I know it's probably not what you want to hear. I'd feel pretty crushed too if DH were saying no to something important to me.
Although, I would make the compromise for now, and hold on the possibility that it will probably change (in your favor). The realities of parenting are that it can actually be really, really difficult to keep baby OUT of your bed. You're tired, daddy is tired, you fall asleep nursing, daddy falls asleep with baby on his chest, or baby flat out won't sleep in the co-sleeper. Your DH is probably standing firm now, but at 3:30 in the morning when you've both been trying to get baby to sleep in that co-sleeper (gently, of course) for several hours, THEN is the time to gently, lovingly point out, hey, there are safe ways to share a bed.
Parents make lots of plans. I was the opposite of you! I NEVER wanted my DS to sleep IN my bed. I only wanted him next to the bed, in his co-sleeper. But as a parent, I was pretty quickly faced with a choice. I could follow my kiddo's cues and compromise on what I wanted (and everyone got more sleep), or I could have stuck to my guns and gotten WAY less sleep. In the middle of the night, I'm guessing your DH will crack and do what he needs to do so that everyone gets more sleep.
In the meantime, I'd try to start compiling some articles on safe co-sleeping for him. I wouldn't push the issue too much. Give him time to cool off about it, and try not to worry too much. I know a whole, whole lot of parents who said, "my baby will never be in my bed." And even though none of those parents are crunchy in any way, shape, or form -- ALL of them ended up having their LOs sleep in their beds sometimes.
I'm sorry. Everyone has a horror story they have heard when it comes to co-sleeping. My dh is also nervous about it. He found this http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Secure-Sleeper-Colors/dp/B00012CHFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308545177&sr=8-1 and said if we used it he would feel more comfortable. Maybe you can get him on board that way. Have you let him read any articles or information on how co-sleeping can be safe and beneficial? I hope you guys can come to a compromise.
My DP was pretty nervous about co-sleeping with DD when she was born. He was worried that he would roll over on her. We talked about it and also got a co-sleeper. DD did use the co-sleeper some, but ultimately she slept in the bed with us. For a long time I kept her between the co-sleeper and myself, so the DP would not have to worry about rolling over on her (I was not worried about this actually happening). As she got bigger he was no longer worried about it. He is not at all worried about co-sleeping with #2.
Also, it was one of those things that I was somewhat non-negotiable about--being that I was the one nursing DD numerous times a night and sometimes all night almost continuously. The more sleep I got the better 
I agree with everyone!!
I think it's a great compromise to co-sleep but not bedshare if your hubs is having doubts.
It's possible you'll get a good sleeper, and by 2-3 months old, be getting good chunks of sleep. My best friend's baby is just shy of 3 months and does 8-9 hour stretches at night. I'm in disbelief b/c I thought those babies were myths. But hey, if that happens, it wouldn't matter if you were co-sleeping or not. (besides the obvious benefits of co-sleeping itself, of course.)
On the other hand, you may get a crappy sleeper who wakes every 30-45 min to nurse, and unless your partner can help with that, he's going to be SOL and the baby is going to be in your room at least. That's insane to have to get up that many times a night to nurse!
My heart goes out to the little baby who suffocated and his family. That's an awful tragedy.
I have a co-sleeper and plan to attach it to the bed. I worry a bit about having the baby in the bed with me on DH's side, so plan to keep him between myself and the co-sleeper. DH is a heavy sleeper. Anyone have a good link to safe co-sleeping rules?
I have a co-sleeper and plan to attach it to the bed. I worry a bit about having the baby in the bed with me on DH's side, so plan to keep him between myself and the co-sleeper. DH is a heavy sleeper. Anyone have a good link to safe co-sleeping rules?
A good list of 'rules' is in this article
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/faqs-about-sleep-problems/safe-co-sleeping-research
In our home, co-sleeping works for me & DS, but not for DH, he's such a light sleeper, that he wakes more often than I do, the dog breathes funny, DS moves around too much (in another room), with a baby in bed, DH gets no sleep at all, so we'll see how this plays out ... We always had the guest room bed before, so DH could get a solid night's sleep when needed. Now, that bed is DS's bed, I'm thinking of putting a twin in the baby's room when it's finished so that we do still have a spare sleeping surface, and she'll need her own bed eventually, so getting it now isn't a big deal.
Eeek! That's a terrible story! That poor family :(
My husband was deadset against co-sleeping too, so we agreed on a crib next to the bed. However, after he fell asleep holding her on his chest a few times, he realized that we all sleep much better together. She hasn't left the bed yet (she's 2.5) and I'm the one who wants her to move out! I think your husband will come around once he realizes how easy and safe it can be. If not, a cosleeper or sleep positioner is a good idea.
My DH is a very deep sleeper and rarely even wakes up when there's a screaming baby right in the bed with us. So, I made sure to ALWAYS keep baby between me and the co-sleeper. Never, ever in the middle of me and DH. I worked out just fine. Now, DS (2yo) is so wiggly in bed that most of the time he takes up the entire middle of our Cal King bed and DH and I are hugging the edges all night. 
When this babe comes, DS will still be in the middle of DH and I and the baby will be either in the co-sleeper or between me and the co-sleeper. My fear is that DS will decide he wants to climb over me to the side where baby is. We're going to really have to work on boundaries. Luckily, I have become a very light sleeper since becoming a mama.
Thanks for the link! My DH is fully on board with co-sleeping, but I'm getting sick of hearing family snarkiness about it, so it's good to have an easy-to-read article to pass along.
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/faqs-about-sleep-problems/safe-co-sleeping-research
Now, DS (2yo) is so wiggly in bed that most of the time he takes up the entire middle of our Cal King bed and DH and I are hugging the edges all night.
DH and DS are in our king size bed right now (I'm on the futon, so I can get better rest). And any time I go in there while they're both sleeping, DH is always hugging the edge, taking up maybe 1/5th of the bed, and DS will be spraaaaawled out right next to him. Kiddos 
I soooo want to be sleeping in my comfy recliner instead of the bed, like I did from about 32 weeks on when pg with DS. But the boy is still nursing at night and will freak out if the boobs aren't within reach most nights. He starts out in his own bed and at his first waking (usually between 1am and 3am) joins us in our bed. Some nights he just goes back to sleep, but others he will throw a fit if he can't have his "nummies". I'm kind of ready to be done with this night nursing business. 
DH and DS are in our king size bed right now (I'm on the futon, so I can get better rest). And any time I go in there while they're both sleeping, DH is always hugging the edge, taking up maybe 1/5th of the bed, and DS will be spraaaaawled out right next to him. Kiddos
Some parents find that it's a good compromise to have the baby sleep between mom and the edge of the bed, rather than between the two parents. You could get an extra-long guard rail to put on your side of the bed. Nursing mothers are so in tune with their babies, especially at night. They often move between deep and light sleep cycles simultaneously. The risk of a nursing mother rolling onto her baby and not noticing (unless extreme obesity, drug/alcohol use, or certain medications are part of the picture) is very, very low.
Many nursing mothers find that they cannot get enough sleep without some form of co-sleeping. It can be argued that it is safer to go ahead and plan to co-sleep (if it appeals to you) so that you have your bed set up safely (ie: no thick blankets, heavy pillows, pillow-tops, etc) and are used to having baby there. It would be less safe, IMO, to bring baby into bed with you out of exhaustion for the first time in the middle of the night when you have your regular blankets on, you're not used to needing to be aware of baby's presence, and your DH might not be aware at all that baby is there.
Here's a good article:http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/11/co-sleeping-safety/
A favorite book of mine is James McKenna's "Our Babies, Ourselves." He refers to many studies about the safety and value of co-sleeping, among other interesting topics!
We happily have co-slept off and on with our girls' since the second week of dd1's life. lol! We do usually start out with baby in the bassinet, so that we get some alone snuggle time, which we NEED! But for that first feeding, baby stays in bed with us until I get up the next morning.
Well the good news is we had a nice long chat and I explained to him about how to bed share safely. Gave him this link.
I'm going to borrow his book as well. He's feeling a little better. I think that as our birthing date approaches he's getting a little more and more nervous about everything (which is understandable). It's our first. He's not a terribly heavy sleeper unless he's gotten no sleep at work or a nap the following day coming off shift. If that were the case we would probably make other arrangements for sleeping. Either but babe between me and the edge of the bed our he might have to sleep in the spare room etc. It's a very rare occasion right now with the station that he is at.
Does anyone know if Tempurpedic/memory foam mattresses are safe?
Thanks for all the comments.
Our hearts are definitely breaking for this family.
Well the good news is we had a nice long chat and I explained to him about how to bed share safely. Gave him this link.
I'm going to borrow his book as well. He's feeling a little better. I think that as our birthing date approaches he's getting a little more and more nervous about everything (which is understandable). It's our first. He's not a terribly heavy sleeper unless he's gotten no sleep at work or a nap the following day coming off shift. If that were the case we would probably make other arrangements for sleeping. Either but babe between me and the edge of the bed our he might have to sleep in the spare room etc. It's a very rare occasion right now with the station that he is at.
Does anyone know if Tempurpedic/memory foam mattresses are safe?
Thanks for all the comments.
Our hearts are definitely breaking for this family.
My dad forbade co-sleeping, but then mom just kept waking up with us sleeping with them - she'd bring us there to nurse and fall asleep. So he had to get over it. That's what often happens, I hear. We can make all the plans in the world and then Reality Strikes.
I have a vague tickle about memory foam not being ideal - they like firm beds - but it has no details.
We're getting this: http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Secure-Sleeper-Colors/dp/B00012CHFI/ref=reg_hu-br_item-added
The baby is going to sleep on my side, away from DH. He moves way too much for her to be near him, I am afraid he would elbow her (it's happened to me). I am a really light sleeper and I don't move around at all when I sleep.
Maybe you could suggest this to your DH?
We're getting this: http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Secure-Sleeper-Colors/dp/B00012CHFI/ref=reg_hu-br_item-added
I had talked to DH a while back about cosleeping and he agreed to it. (I didn't give him much of an option. He's a pretty light sleeper, so when I said I'd be up every hr and a half to two hours or more he kinda gave in. He brought it up and asked more about it. We're going to have a crib/toddler bed next to ours. Probably not going to have the 2nd long side put on so I have access to the baby, depending on how high it is. And I said the babe will be sleeping in the bed. He said he didn't want to roll over onto it. I said the baby would be on my side and I'll be in the middle. He seemed a lot more comfortable with that. I plan on rolling up a blanket and putting it under the sheet for an impromtu bed bumper. I don't really want to buy a piece of foam when that should work.
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