It's not just on staying-at-home but mostly it is about it, so I decided to write here. My kids are currently 3,2 and 3 months. Wow. Well the three year old is almost four and the two year old just turned two. I have always been a sahm. Only one of my children was planned, I had never planned on having them all close together in age, this way. But it happened. My days at home during the day while daddy is at work are seeming so long, that some days I don't think I will surivive.
I feel so stressed and on edge by the end of the day and am begging for time to go by faster so daddy will hurry and get home. I used to like to go out to make the days go by, we go to the library or playground or whatever, but it's been really hard to accomplish that. My middle child, the two year old, is very mischievous and accident prone. While we're out he's usually trying to run away from my, find large sticks to poke people, steal another boy's hat, take our playdate friend's snacks, need a diaper change and scream and kick during it and throw himself down crying in front of everyone. All the meanwhile I'm trying to hold the three month old in my other arm, who's usually screaming.
My three month old is very sweet and cute, but very high needs and is usually crying and needs to be walked, stood up, nursed, etc. I find it hard to nurse in public. It's just physically uncomfortable for me, like I can situate myself properly, plus I usually need to chase two year old. There's usually just so much chaos, and I think I get overwhelmed quickly, you know?
Like today, we met a playdate friend at the park and she just has the one child, my daughter's age 3, almost 4...and my daughter I feel like, misses out because of all the chaos and because of her younger brother's and she is really a big help. Both my kids were begging playdate mom for her snacks. My three mo old is crying so I walk him around and around. I put him in our homemade moby and walk around. My daughter had to use the bathroom, we went in the building, then came out and then she said she had to go back in the poop. Playdate mom takes her and son and her own and go back in, I go to van to nurse. Then we're walking, and I use stroller for three month old to walk him around and also this whole summer, keeping him out of the sun is going to be a challenge. I babywear sometimes but I do not like it all the time especially in heat. He cried again so I picked him up and then he had a poop explosion which went all over my clothes. I went to the van and changed him, had a huge pile of wipes, blankets and soiled clothes. I knew at this point we weren't going to last much longer. I put our kids in the van and then realized two year old pooped. I had to take his diaper off and realized we did not have another one with us. I cleaned him, put his pants back on and three month old is screaming and screaming the whole time. Playdate mom is standing near my van, probably trying to talk to me, say a proper goodbye or think of how she can help me...but it was so much chaos, me trying to run, do this, do that, strap everyone in....all of whom are screaming, crying, putting up a fight or asking for something. So it's like, I feel bad. This is how all of our playdates typically play out. I like other moms, I appreciate that they're trying to help, but I don't really like the help, because I feel guilty, stressed and it just shows me how I am in over my head.
Because of this, I actually prefer being at a place like the park, by ourselves. That way too I feel I can leave if things get haywire, which they do. Staying home (inside) usually is sucky because two year old trashes everything, rips out every toy and he does things, like you'll just find him standing in the middle of the kitchen table and does really dangerous things like that. I am not a clean freak but I still dislike all the messes. I feel like at home too, it is boring for them. Daughter doesn't really play by herself so I constantly have to play pretend or read books and hold or nurse the baby. I have a big yard to play in but for some reason we haven't been playing in it a lot. I live on dirt roads, I am trying to get in shape so I walk a lot and like to strap two the older kids in the double stroller and strap baby in a carrier and walk. Just walk. My husband said to try to make our walk take as long as possible during the day. I try...but it doesn't always work out.
Can anyone else relate to the having three children close together, not knowing how to handle your days? I don't know what to do, I really need a new plan here. Something to make things easier...the days go by faster, a little simpler....does anyone have any ideas? Should I maybe stop trying to conquer the parks and playgrounds every day? Not to mention, getting ready to go the parks is just daunting. The bags I have to pack. I have a huge insulated bag and it's stuffed with the stainless steel bottles, snack containers, sandwich containers and ice packs and it takes about a half hour to slice fruits and vegs and pack everything up and another half hour to rinse out containers and unpack stuff...and there's sunblocks, bug sprays, sun hats, changes of clothes....and if there's someplace we'll be swimming forget it...towels, bathing suits...I usually don't go anywhere like that without hubby and it's still so overwhelming...
gotta go, dd is saying either two yr old or dog pooped....