Is that your baby!?

[mamatalks]

I come from a multicultural family and my husband does as well. But my DH is very fair skinned and I am not. So our LOs have taken after him. In the summer I get very dark and I can't tell you how many times people have asked me, "Oh is he your son!?" Luckily even though my DD is more fair skinned she looks like my mini me. Just curious if this happens to any one else? And how do you respond?

[Ansley]

I get strange looks all the time however, just once, someone asked me if I adopted DD! DD is also my mini me but she is a lot darker than me. I am white and her father is honduran/italian so she has tan skin, black hair and brown eyes. As far as a response, I would just simply say "yes, he is my son". It is no one's business to know details so you don't have to give them if you don't want to!

[MamaMunchkin]

All the time.  The 'are you adopted' ones too.

My kids are in-between me and DH in terms of physical features - so both of us get the questions all the time.  We just say, my wife/husband is X. I even go farther, if I can tell someone is staring and curious, I just tell them even before they ask.

So far so good, but if this ever becomes a problem for my kids, we'll have to try something different.

[kittyhead]

one time at the grocery store...

man:  cute kids, are they from china?

me:  nooooooo, they are mine from here.  their dad is asian

man:  OH!  they look just like you!

people are weird.  and fwiw i do think that they look like me.

[mamatalks]

The comments and questions never really bother me mostly they are just kind of amusing. The interesting thing is we live in a big city full of diversity where I don't even think about the fact that DH and I would be considered and interracial couple. One day we were playing at the park and I was following around DS and this lady says Oh, he's so cute... Is he yours? I answer ya he's mine. his dad is really fair skinned. Surprised by my response she says oh no I just meant cause you look so young! To which I reply oh ya and I have a 4 year old as well! (BTW I don't look that young!) She couldn't even say anything else. It was kinda funny. I just laughed. 

[l3erly]

This is too cute.

I look asian and my kids look like me, but they have lighter skin and med-drk brown hair. People think their dad is the light haired, fair skinned one only to be surprised to see he is tan with hair just as dark as mine :)

It is funny to hear people's perceptions and what they come up with to try and come back from a comment :)

Edited by l3erly - 6/23/11 at 5:54am

[seawitch]

Both my kids have the same dad, but they look totally different. DS looks a lot like me, looks, er, "white" for lack of a better term. (I'm Eurasian, DH is Hispanic.) DD looks very... non-white? She's dark brown, even more so with a tan, and has a huge mane of bushy, curly hair. She's adorable.

DS and DD are Irish twins, 10 months apart. I'm always asked, "oh is that your son? how cute (or whatever). And who is this little girl?" Or they'll ask DS if DD is his cousin or friend, or if I'm babysitting her or something. Umm... No... Heh.

[Deepfeet]

I get a lot of looks when DS and I are out running etc. I can tell that a lot of people think I'm his nanny. I'm mixed and have strong African features - nose, hair, skin, and DH is blond n blue eyed. DS is quite fair but he is getting patchy darker spots... Anyone's baby get patchy and then switch over completely? Curious as to how this complexion thing is going to turn out.

[ashtak]

Originally Posted by seawitch 

Both my kids have the same dad, but they look totally different. DS looks a lot like me, looks, er, "white" for lack of a better term. (I'm Eurasian, DH is Hispanic.) DD looks very... non-white? She's dark brown, even more so with a tan, and has a huge mane of bushy, curly hair. She's adorable.

DS and DD are Irish twins, 10 months apart. I'm always asked, "oh is that your son? how cute (or whatever). And who is this little girl?" Or they'll ask DS if DD is his cousin or friend, or if I'm babysitting her or something. Umm... No... Heh.

hahahaa! this exactly. DS is just like me and DD is very much asian like her daddy. i have had people ask me if SHE is adopted. it makes me giggle. i have never heard any negative comments from people. in fact usually people seem a little too enthusiastic with their comments, nice to know people "approve". ;-)

[Mommel]

I'm so glad to hear all of this... although I have no idea how my kiddo will look when he arrives, I'm pretty sure I'll get a lot of these types of responses (I have euro ancestry and his father is a pacific islander), and it will be nice to know I'm not alone.

*subbing to this thread* 

[AImom]

I'm white and hubby is Indonesian. Our 4yo is simply beautiful (aren't all kids?). I get asked ALL THE TIME if she's adopted. I never get offended because most people who ask such things are never trying to be rude, just curious. Famous ppl, not naming names, who adopt foreign babies and tv shows about adopting foreign kids have made some people assume that any child that looks nothing like their parent is probably adopted. Even after I tell them she's definitely mine, some still even say, "Really?" I just chuckle and tell them they should see her Daddy as she looks just like him. I am currently pregnant with twins and can't wait to see what combinations we will get (B/G). They could look like me, daddy or both. Our 3 kids could look alike or different. Either way, I am already prepared to answer all sorts of questions that pop up, not just about their race , but twins. I think as long as you have an open mind as to where the asker is coming from and don't get offended (unless they say your kid is ugly - that's uncalled for by anyone) then just educate them as to the wonderful combinations that are in the world, we'll all be just fine.

Before we had kids I would ask friends and strangers questions. If anyone got angry or seemed offended I simply didn't understand and it made me feel uncomfortable. So please try to understand they are simply asking because they don't know and are curious.

[Eclipsepearl]

If it's any help, my kids look nothing like I do. The big joke is that I dated plenty of "exotic" guys and ended up with someone of a very similar background to mine (he's from 25 miles from where one of my ancestors is from). I'm blond but he's dark and all three are his minis. 

Sometimes if I see a mixed child, I'll just say "Oh, he must look more like the dad" to the mom who will nod... (I purposely don't make it a question). Then I'll say "I don't even look related to mine!" and point them out. They usually get the joke and laugh. 

Sometimes I think I get more of these comments because when a mixed child doesn't look like (usually the lighter) parent, then it's "justified". I almost get a "How could your children look so different?" attitude from people. Also, the sympathy is amusing. I have three healthy, beautiful children and there is no need for them to resemble me!! I'm sure they wouldn't say that to a mixed-race family! I wouldn't change them and don't even think about the fact they don't have any of my features or my coloring (the youngest has my legs but it sound pathetic pointing that out lol!) 

No one asks if they're adopted but often people get confused if there are multiple kids running around, which ones are mine. "No, not that pretty blond. The one next to her with the long black hair..." and it's all "Oh, that one..." It also seems to happen more when I only have one with me. If they see them together, it's obviously that they're related to each other, even if I don't look related to them. It's easier when my dh is with me!

If you live in a different country, bear in mind that this will happen if you do too and you have an accent. People don't think they're mine because they don't have an accent in French and I do. I'll smile and say "Well, when someone is born and raised in a country, they usually don't have an accent..." Then I'll get "Oh you LIVE here!" You seriously thought I was a tourist?!? Sigh...

I was once mistaken for the au pair girl. He apologized. I thanked him. For an "older mom", you can't get a better compliment! 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by kittyhead 

one time at the grocery store...

man:  cute kids, are they from china?

me:  nooooooo, they are mine from here.  their dad is asian

man:  OH!  they look just like you!

people are weird.  and fwiw i do think that they look like me.

I laughed SO hard at this one! My brother and I are 6 months apart in age, and he was adopted from Korea (where he now lives and teaches English). People used to ask my mom all the time if we were twins (I'm about as white as they come - god forbid I get caught in the sun without sunscreen, and my brother is well, Asian.), and after being asked a million times she just started saying Yes so that she wouldn't have to answer a million questions. The conversations went something like this:

Person: Are they twins??

Mom: Yes.

Person: But one is Asian and the other isn't!

The other version:

Person: Are they twins??

Mom: No.

Person:  Are you sure??

......

[Mommel]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I laughed SO hard at this one! My brother and I are 6 months apart in age, and he was adopted from Korea (where he now lives and teaches English). People used to ask my mom all the time if we were twins (I'm about as white as they come - god forbid I get caught in the sun without sunscreen, and my brother is well, Asian.), and after being asked a million times she just started saying Yes so that she wouldn't have to answer a million questions. The conversations went something like this:

Person: Are they twins??

Mom: Yes.

Person: But one is Asian and the other isn't!

The other version:

Person: Are they twins??

Mom: No.

Person:  Are you sure??

......

"Are you sure??"

(I couldn't find a smiley that indicated me falling off my chair laughing...)