Thank you. I really didn't mean to offend. The questions are hard but sincere, and maybe the hard questions are the one that evoke dissonance but conversation. I just wanted to find some answers. No, ex MIL is white, and I am a minority. Years ago, I tried to speak with her about the rape and send her some support materials about classes, but she did not respond. Not to say that she has to respond (perhaps she wasn't comfortable with me) but I'm just saying that to let you know that I really don't know what's going on. And, that i'm uncomfortable because I know very little about that household other than that they seem to be closed people. I read this statistic from various sources and it scared me...
Approximately one in four girls and one in six boys will report being sexually assaulted before they turn 18. One in three women and one in ten men will report being sexually assaulted sometime during her/his lifetime.
... How can there only be a small percentage of pedophiles when this statistic seems so large? Forget MIL was a rape victim. What about this idea of protecting our children. I have made an appointment to a parenting class and I hope to continue this conversation about what we can tell our children. My daughter will say "yes" if I asked her if grandma changed or if it was "scooby doo." I think she is too young to really understand at this age, and I don;'t want to have her live in fear. Any suggestions?
I think the OP had sincere questions and it's been eye-opening to see the responses. I would like for us to be gentle with the OP. You can only meet someone where they're at. We've informed her and I think she's taken it in quite well. Can we be gentle?
Marthawashington, what I got from Eclipse's post was that reporting is hard enough, but reporting by a minority may be even harder. Is your MIL a minority as well?
I think it may help also to realize that only a very small percent of people are pedophiles. I don't know what it is, but I would guess it to be less than 1% of males and much less of females. Your daughter is of the age where you can talk with her. Since you're likely to have to share custody, it wouldn't hurt to get a good book about how to talk with children about this issue correctly. If I were your exMIL's husband and I knew you were this suspicious, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near your daughter for fear of false allegations. Get a good book on preventing abuse, or better yet, talk with a counselor about this fear and get some professional advice about it so as not to put your daughter or your exmil's husband at risk.