Not sure whether to honeschool or not - can you advise?

[Green mmmy 27]

Today I met with my son's prospective teacher. She seems nice enough and his school has a great atmosphere but when I asked her about disciPline she started talking about reward charts and positive praise etc etc and it make me cringe - you probably won't understand why unless you're familiar with Alfie Kohn?

My pros for honeschool are :
He won't be subjected to subtle forms of control like praise punishment rewards
He won't have peers whose brains are undeveloped (other children) and are therefore unable to control their behavior and model good behavior
He won't ve offered processed or junk food
We can have fun
He might get bullied
He'll have to conform at school, so he'll have freedom to be authentic at home
We may move in a year and it is unfair to settle him in school and then move him


Cons are:
I'll have to give up my career
It's a huge commitment
I'll have lots more mess to clear
He likes having friends and we're isolated
He might ask for TV a lot and that dresses me
I am already very overwhelmed and stressed by having twin babies and a 4 year old


So that's my dilemma - any advise?

[marimara]

You'll have to decide what's more important to you and your family.  If you can afford to stay home and homeschool financially that I don't see why not.  Try to locate a homeschool group in your area and look around for others.  There are usually some other homeschoolers everywhere.  There are ways to get social needs met outside of traditional school.  You could get some help with the babies if you needed it.  A four year old doesn't need much in the way actual lesson anyways, just hanging out with you as you live your life and taking him to the park and letting him play will be enough.  If the TV is a problem, it's best to address this while the kids are young.  Set limits now.  Here is a website with some helpful info http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/

Good luck with your decision!  Remember that no decision has to be permanent, you reserve the right to change your mind at any time and readjust as you need to.  

[sarahtar]

Originally Posted by Green mmmy 27 



He won't have peers whose brains are undeveloped (other children) and are therefore unable to control their behavior and model good behavior

So are you planning to keep him completely isolated from other children? Because that's honestly the ONLY way he will be protected from peers modeling poor behavior. I mean, yes, HSing does help considerably with this, since oftentimes, you're there to supervise children's interactions, and they're also not steeped in it all day, but if your kids are going to have friends, then they're going to have peers who are unable to control their behavior.

He might get bullied

by whom? My son is only 7, so I don't think most of his PS friends and acquaintances are really old enough to develop good ways to bully him about HSing, but it is sincerely not a big deal to any of the other little kids he knows. One of his little friends from Kung Fu actually goes out of his way to bring him things like stickers or pencils from when they have classroom visitors, thinking that Wally might miss out on that stuff since he's at home.

I'll have to give up my career
It's a huge commitment
I'll have lots more mess to clear

Yup.

For me personally, giving up my career to do what I thought was best for my kids was a no-brainer, but I know many women struggle with this, particularly those more career-minded than I. It is a huge commitment, but fortunately, you're really only committing to one year at a time. And yes, with the mess, though with twins and a four year old, I really can't imagine that HSing will create any more mess than you're already dealing with. And actually, we have not found HSing to be particularly mess-creating, because I hate messes. We don't worry overmuch about making a mess while we're working on something, but we (children and me) clean up as soon as we are done. Everything has a place, and everything goes back to that place when we are finished with it. We keep our HS stuff confined to one room of the house.

He likes having friends and we're isolated

Then it means you'll need to make an effort (likely the same effort you've been making up to this point) to get together with friends. See if there are HS playgroups in your area.

He might ask for TV a lot and that dresses me

Then you say no and stick with it. *shrug* I got over my worry about kids throwing fits because I won't let them do/have what they want a few years ago.

I am already very overwhelmed and stressed by having twin babies and a 4 year old

That definitely is something to consider. Something else to consider is that kindergarten took us about 2 hours a day max, 3-4 days a week. Kindergarten is hardly academically vigorous. I know sooo many people considering HSing who are picturing a full school day for K, and it just doesn't need to be that way.

[OTMomma]

My honest advice is that before you decide to homeschool, you need to decide that it is what you really want to do for the year. It doesn't mean you have to do it forever, we take things year by year, but you need to feel it really is the best thing to do, and you aren't going to resent it.

Homeschooling is not easy and you should feel strongly about your conviction to do it. Your lists don't give me the sense you feel it is the best thing to do for your child and your family, it is one choice you are considering. Keep considering until one list is much longer than the other.

Good luck with your decision.

[kohlby]

The only con that you listed that I think is an issue - and it's a huge issue - is having to give up your career.  Even having three kids isn't that big of an issue.  Pre-k and kindy take very little time to homeschool.  Or, if you're open to unschooling, then it really takes no time at all!  I think I'd spend more time driving my kid to and from 1st grade up and in homework than I do in homeschooling!  At least homeschooling can be done on my own schedule.  (Have you read "The Homework Myth" by Alphie Kohn as well?)

If you can do it financially and if you want to do it - then give it a try.  Give it a year.  Then figure it out for the next year.  Figure it out as you go along.  If at some point it's not working, then you change it. 

My kids have never been to school except for speech therapy.  With ODS, I couldn't find any pre-k programs that I felt were developmentally appropriate other than Montessorri - and that was too expensive, especially since I was a SAHM anyway.  (I'm actually a former public school teacher but hate what's happening to the school system with all the testing and NCLB and all the rest of the mess).

Also, look into your state laws.  In most states, nothing is mandatory until at least first grade.  So that makes homeschooling even easier.  I did absolutely no registering or recording or even formal work for kindy.  I did 100% unschooling and didn't have to document a thing - so I didn't.   

[Savoir Faire]

Originally Posted by Green mmmy 27 

He won't have peers whose brains are undeveloped (other children) and are therefore unable to control their behavior and model good behavior
He won't ve offered processed or junk food
We can have fun
He might get bullied
He'll have to conform at school, so he'll have freedom to be authentic at home

Cons are:
I'll have to give up my career
It's a huge commitment
I'll have lots more mess to clear
He likes having friends and we're isolated
He might ask for TV a lot and that dresses me
I am already very overwhelmed and stressed by having twin babies and a 4 year old


So that's my dilemma - any advise?

Hmm...I'm not for homeschooling to keep them away from other kids. I'm not sure if that's what you mean-- but isolation homeschool is not a good thing. I totally understand not needing your child to be in a group of 25 kids his age to "socialize," so I hope that's what you mean.

Bullying can happen anywhere. The next door neighbor kid can do just as much damage as little Timmy in gym class. As for conforming, sometimes you're going to have to in life. I'm not talking about not being authentic to who you are, but there are just times where you have to tone down your personality or your desires for a group.

He likes friends? Join activities. We just had 22 children invited to a birthday party-- because we go out and meet people. Try a sport. Join scouting. Take classes in a co-op or at the local community center. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE...especially with having younger children.

It isn't giving up a career. There are seasons in life-- and if you choose to homeschool, then this is a homeschooling season. You can always go back to work later on, but you can't turn back time with your kids.

If he asks for TV and you don't like it, tell him no.

Give it some serious thought...what is your gut telling you?

[AAK]

Is kindy half day or full day?  Maybe that shouldn't matter, but to me it does.  I wouldn't do a full day kindergarten even if they paid me.  

It seems (and I could be reading this wrong) that you are fearing the public school, but that you don't really desire to homeschool.  If this is right, and if kindy is a half-day program, then I would do public school.  Withdrawing is always an option.  However, if I am wrong--and you really do want to homeschool (but just are apprehensive) then I say GO FOR IT because kindy is a great year to try it out.  Lots of people go "unschooly" for K even if they eventually plan to follow a more disciplined form of study.  The goals for kindergarten are few and they are easily taught without "seatwork". 

About having other little ones. . . it isn't easy either way.  Truly, I've done ps and hs and either way life is just challenging when they are little.  With hs, I felt torn (like by teaching one I might be 'ignoring' another).  With ps, I felt like the schedule was interfering with the little kids' routine.  Naps were always interrupted because of pick up times, etc.  So IMO don't let your other children be a big influence in your decision.  If you hs, they will learn along with your son too!

Good luck with the decision.  It can be hard.  If you hs, this board can be great help.

Amy

[MathMomma]

We put a rule in place that the TV doesn't come on during the week, so there's no need to ask.  Our only exception is an occasional educational program, which I try to present as a reward for their hard work.

[romacox]

Teachers are now the biggest influx into the home school venue.  The reasons they give are very interesting.

Thinking About Homeschooling? Teachers Are  http://ezinearticles.com/?Thinking-About-Homeschooling?-Teachers-Are&id=2499296

To find out about the laws in your State, and to locate other home school parents in your area click on the following link, scroll down to your State, and click on it.  There you will be able to find the Home School Association in your State. 

It is not for everyone, but mom's seem to have a natural instinct for their own children...trust it.