16 month hitting and pushing

[sarahr]

My 16 month DS has started hitting and pushing. It's not aggressive or malicious -- or particularly hurtful. He thinks it's funny. With us, we model gentle touch, and he also loves stroking our faces. But he's hitting and pushing DD, and gentle touch doesn't work there because DD doesn't want to be touched at all.

So I guess my question is, how do I teach the concept of personal space to a 16 month old?

(keeping them separate doesn't work very well because if DS and I stay close by, DS runs back to be with DD and if we go far away, DD comes to find us because she's lonely).

[cyclamen]

Hm, this is a good question.  It does just take time to teach kids your DS age about personal space.  Is there anything you can do to help your older DD feel more in control of her personal space? 

I have a close friend whose daughter was 3 (we'll call her A) when my DD (call her B) was around 18 or 20mo.  We agreed that we wanted both kids to feel empowered to define their personal space boundaries.  We wondered what would happen if we gave A permission to use her hands with my daughter - not to hit, but just to use her hands.  A's mom showed her how to use a gentle touch to push away or otherwise move B's hands, just like we adults would do with B. 

A had been getting very frustrated to the point that she would eventually have a meltdown over the fact that B was touching her arm and didn't totally "get it" that she ought to stop when A said, "Stop touching me."  But once A knew she was allowed to pick B's hand up and move it, or even gently push B back so that she could get up and walk away, she stopped feeling so frustrated, and B learned quickly what A mean when she was saying, "Stop."  And I'm sure a couple of times B probably tried to take a whack at A....or grab her eye, or something equally aggravating.... it was just that age.  :)

How would (or does) your DD respond to being allowed to grab your DS's hand as he hits her and show him a gentle touch?  Or put her hand out on his chest to keep him back while she gets up and walks away?  Just like an adult might do?  We wondered if giving A permission to use her hands would result in excessive force, but it didn't.  She seemed to be perfectly satisfied with just being able to physically define her boundaries.