Struggling with my 9mo son -- please give me some hope

[Ginger Bean]

Did your babies start to sleep better on their own, without any "training" or changes on your part? If so, at what age?

My son is 9.5mo, and I'm struggling with sleep deprivation. We bed-share and breastfeed, and he's been waking every 1-2 hours since he was 7mo, and he doesn't nap well unless I nap with him. Occasionally, he sleeps a little better.

He's never been a great sleeper, but he really wasn't so bad (it's relative, I guess) until he turned 7mo and developed separation anxiety. Now he's either forgotten how to suck his thumb or simply doesn't want to any more. He just wants the boob. (He also nurses every 1-2 hours in the day too -- but he always has.)

I've always believed that sleep was a milestone that a baby reaches in their own time. I guess I still believe that, but some days I start to have doubts. I'm hesitant to start making changes or trying any "methods" (even the gentlest ones) because he's in that 8-10 regression period -- plus, he just seems so happy! He goes to bed with a smile, I wake up to him smiling at me. At night, he doesn't cry -- he just rolls over and starts making his "where's the boob" sound. He's active, alert, curious, and meeting milestones. He's never been sick at all, as far as I know. He's on the skinny side at nearly 20lbs, I guess -- but he was just under 7lbs when he was born.

If I post on "mainstream" boards, I get a lot of advice about trying formula at night, more solids, teething and acid reflux medicine, CIO, putting him in a crib, night-weaning him, etc.

I'm not saying those aren't legitimate concerns (well, except CIO), but well.... you know. I'm not sure there's anything "wrong" to be begin with.

[Alenushka]

Formula and solids will not do anything. It is old wive's tale. Do talk to your doctor about acid reflux. Maybe he wake up from your movement? What about Arms_ Reach Cosleeper? He will be close to you, in arms reach but have some space to himself?

[flavorfull1]

Just to provide some hope for you :)  My DS was up progressively more and more from 4.5 months until we seemed to hit the peak around 9-10 months of up every 45 min or less to nurse. I honestly wasn't sure what to do but didn't have the brain power or energy to try anything so we just kept nursing and doing life like we had been. Slowly, at 12 months (he started walking a little before then) he started going a little bit longer, by 16 months, he would sleep for 3-5 hours at the beginning of the night and then about two hours in between. Just this week, he has started to wake up 2-5 times per night, mostly 2-3.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel. People told me it could happen but I figured it could for everyone else's kid :)  Looks like mine is figuring out the sleep thing on his own too.

[LadyCatherine185]

my ds1 was a terrible sleeper until i nightweaned him at 19-20 months. he is almost 3 and still doesnt sttn. but he only wakes 1-2 times a night, rather than every30-60 minutes like he did as an infant. nightweaning was the only way he began sleeping longer stretches, though he was much older than your ds. he did have reflux and food allergies but outgrew them around 12 mos.

ds2 wakes every 15-60 min's, but his is more gas related.. he also has reflux..

some kids sleep on their own and others need help..

[Alisse]

Formula, more food, white noise, etc etc didn't help my son who woke up every 1-2 hours to nurse, since birth. 

He jumped from those frequent wakings to sleeping through the night -- and i mean sleeping 10 hours without waking -- after we fully weaned at 20 months.  And he was more likely to not wake even once once we started putting him in his crib, (we quite cosleeping at 21 months).  

My husband speculates that, given how easy everything was, our LO would have probably STTN sooner had we (or rather, i) been strong enough to wean earlier.  

[lkvosu]

Originally Posted by Alisse 

Formula, more food, white noise, etc etc didn't help my son who woke up every 1-2 hours to nurse, since birth. 

He jumped from those frequent wakings to sleeping through the night -- and i mean sleeping 10 hours without waking -- after we fully weaned at 20 months.  And he was more likely to not wake even once once we started putting him in his crib, (we quite cosleeping at 21 months).  

My husband speculates that, given how easy everything was, our LO would have probably STTN sooner had we (or rather, i) been strong enough to wean earlier.  

Forgive me for jumping in, but I'm surprised by your choice of words here.I guess I'm wondering how being strong enough has anything to do with weaning? I'm bothered by your (or your husband's?) insinuation that women who don't choose to initiate weaning early are somehow weaker than those who do. Do you see the problem with that? There are a million reasons why a mother may or may not choose to wean her child, but strength of character doesn't have anything to do with it. Maybe you were refering only to your own experience, but I would still question why you or husband would put it in those terms. Maybe you weren't ready to wean because your LO still needed that comfort and you felt compelled to give it to him. There's nothing wrong with that and it certainly doesn't make you weak for having done it. It's our job as mommies to meet our babies' needs (within reason and your own personal standard of comfort, of course).  If anything, it takes strength to continue meeting those needs when it's not easy or convenient.  Putting it in those terms seems disrespectful to you and to other nursing moms.

[Kobaby]

This is a great thread! I'm glad to see there is light at the end of the tunnel (^_^)

[Alisse]

Originally Posted by lkvosu 

Forgive me for jumping in, but I'm surprised by your choice of words here.I guess I'm wondering how being strong enough has anything to do with weaning? I'm bothered by your (or your husband's?) insinuation that women who don't choose to initiate weaning early are somehow weaker than those who do. Do you see the problem with that? There are a million reasons why a mother may or may not choose to wean her child, but strength of character doesn't have anything to do with it. Maybe you were refering only to your own experience, but I would still question why you or husband would put it in those terms. Maybe you weren't ready to wean because your LO still needed that comfort and you felt compelled to give it to him. There's nothing wrong with that and it certainly doesn't make you weak for having done it. It's our job as mommies to meet our babies' needs (within reason and your own personal standard of comfort, of course).  If anything, it takes strength to continue meeting those needs when it's not easy or convenient.  Putting it in those terms seems disrespectful to you and to other nursing moms.

I completely see where you're coming from and i think it's a wonderful thing for mother's to continue breastfeeding for as long as they feel necessary.  However, in our situation it was becoming too difficult. Sleep deprivation, i think i've proven, i can handle, but only to a point.  When it starts to affect your sanity and physical health, as well as others (like my husband) you need to consider other options.  For me, the decision to go through with weaning was primarily prevented by guilt and my imagination that weaning would cause great psychological damage to our son which would make me a bad mother.  Given that we are all much healthier after the weaning was done, i'm glad i finally found the strength to go through with it; and i do mean to use the word "strength" because it was completely necessary and i have enough insight to know that i, in particular, was too WEAK (mentally) to go through with it.  It takes great STRENGTH to have faith that your child will not die if you wean.  

And just as i don't believe that formula-feeding makes you a bad mother, i don't think saying that it was an awesome, fantastic, superb, wonderful, and brilliant decision to wean after 20 months of breastfeeding every 1-2 hours, 27/7! means any disrespect to breastfeeding mothers anywhere.  In fact, i think i'm proof of how strong and INSANE nursing mom's can be!

[LadyCatherine185]

I have to agree that weaning does take strength. Nursing your child until they wean themselves also takes strength.

[lkvosu]

I agree, especially about it taking strength to make the decision to wean whenever a mom chooses to do it. The wording of your first was what was bothersome to me, not the fact the you weaned "early",  I put early in quotes because that word would make it seem like there were some perfect, one size fits all time to do it, which, of course, isn't true. The perfect time is whenever the mom/baby/family decides it's time.  I guess the "strong enough" comment from your other post raised a red flag for me, as that is often the wording used by those who think moms keep nursing their babyies because they're weak and somehow can't "cut the apron strings" so to speak. I hope you understand that I wasn't criticizing your choice to wean when you did. It sure seems like you followed your instincts and did what was best for your family.

Originally Posted by Alisse 

I completely see where you're coming from and i think it's a wonderful thing for mother's to continue breastfeeding for as long as they feel necessary.  However, in our situation it was becoming too difficult. Sleep deprivation, i think i've proven, i can handle, but only to a point.  When it starts to affect your sanity and physical health, as well as others (like my husband) you need to consider other options.  For me, the decision to go through with weaning was primarily prevented by guilt and my imagination that weaning would cause great psychological damage to our son which would make me a bad mother.  Given that we are all much healthier after the weaning was done, i'm glad i finally found the strength to go through with it; and i do mean to use the word "strength" because it was completely necessary and i have enough insight to know that i, in particular, was too WEAK (mentally) to go through with it.  It takes great STRENGTH to have faith that your child will not die if you wean.  

And just as i don't believe that formula-feeding makes you a bad mother, i don't think saying that it was an awesome, fantastic, superb, wonderful, and brilliant decision to wean after 20 months of breastfeeding every 1-2 hours, 27/7! means any disrespect to breastfeeding mothers anywhere.  In fact, i think i'm proof of how strong and INSANE nursing mom's can be!

[Ginger Bean]

Thanks for your answers! I must say, not a lot of encouraging data points here. :)

The last few days my son has slept better. He even slept 10:30-4:30 one night without needing intervention from me. But then last night it was back to waking every 2 hours and needing nursing. Who knows why??

[mamaboss]

We had a rough patch with DD around that age. Turns out the culprit may have just been teething! ITA crappy nights with little sleep get to you pretty quick but it won't last forever! As you said, he's still a happy, active baby so for now try to get some rest mama and you'll all be sleeping better soon!