Originally Posted by scottishmommy
I get the impression that a lot of the mommy wars are fueled by childless people. I know I had a lot of opinions about parenting before I actually had a child! I was with a childless friend the other day who was going on about how horrible her pregnant friend was because she wasn't talking prenatal vitamins. I had another friend who "has a really hard time respecting women who don't breastfeed." Um, yeah, breastfeeding is great, but not everyone gets the support they need to establish a breastfeeding relationship. Seriously, if I hadn't had my mom and MIL with me, encouraging me along, I wouldn't have kept breastfeeding DD. Anyway the list goes on. I think once you have a kid you are humbled, and realize that there are a lot of hard choices out there.
I actually, as a still-childless woman, agree with this. I also think it applies to women lucky enough to have one kid that's easy and goes along with their plans well.
I am very confident in how I want to parent. I'll homebirth, I'll nurse until my kids self-wean, I'll co-sleep, I'll cloth diaper, etc.
I must interject here and say that I have been fortunate enough to be a nanny for close to two years now, which has radically shaped my views and judgements. Do I think the way I want to do things is THE right way? Absolutely, that's why I want to do them that way. However, when you actually have to DEAL with a child, you realize that life usually isn't black and white. Outside of circumcision, carseat safety and flat-out abuse, I really don't get the point in judging people. So someone has an elective c-section, electively FFs, crib-sleeps and disposable diapers? Good for them. I probably won't be very close to them because of different approaches to life, but they're most certainly not a bad parent. I say this because my nanny kid has been raised 100% opposite of how I was raised/how I want to raise my kids, and he's an overall happy kid and his parents love him.
I'll homebirth. However, if things go wrong and I have to transfer, who cares? It doesn't change the way I'll feel about my kid. I'll nurse. If, despite trying everything under the sun, it doesn't work out, I'll be completely fine using donor milk and/or formula. I'll nurse until my kids decide to wean. However, if I totally hate nursing, I'll happily wean them on their second birthday. I'll co-sleep, because it's what I did as a kid and it's the norm for me. If none of us sleep well? Separate beds won't kill anyone. I'll cloth diaper, because I feel it's best for baby, the wallet and the environment. However, if I get sick and I can barely drag my butt out of bed, a few sposie diapers won't do any harm to my baby.
I think that going into parenting with the feeling of "I'll do it EXACTLY THIS WAY OR ELSE!!" is setting up the mommy wars. Things never go 100% according to plan (sometimes they go 1% according to plan), and having such high standards for not only yourself, but every other mother in the world, is pretty crummy.