I only see the mommy wars on the MDC (the only parenting board I really frequent).
People never act like this in my real life.
And if I was as judgmental as people on here can be, I would really be missing out on some great friendships in life.
Oh, my son is in elementary school now. Does that mean someone else is raising my kid and I'm not immersing myself in being a mother?
Some of those mommy war comments are so predictable they've become incredibly tiresome and boring.
This is not the case where I live. I have been commented at by people that I know, some of my friends, and most of our family members because of my choice to SAH. I am the only woman in my entire extended family that does not WOH and Im regularly talked down to about it. People often treat me like I live in kiddie land and am not a "real" adult because I dont go to work every day. Ive even been told by one of our clients that if you choose to stay at home after you have kids you eventually lose the ability to converse with "true adults" (no kidding) and you make up issues that your kids have because you have nothing else to do. All of these people are mom's. Whenever I complain about ANYTHING to most people around me (excluding my small group of mom friends who are all pretty AP) I get told that I am making it hard on myself. "Get a job, feed your kid formula, send your kid to day care, let her cry it out so you can get some sleep, get some tv dinners, get cable, if you spank her hand I'll bet she's stop throwing food, ect" Yep. Its pretty much wherever I go. So basically, to be a SAHM who EBF's, CD's, eats non processed food, doesnt cio, and practices GD you can NEVER EVER complain about ANYTHING because the party line is that I've brought this on myself.
Did I mention that there are two types of playgroups that I have found in the city close to where I live? There is the group of moms who are 10-15 years older than me with their first child who waited to be financially stable to have their kid and come toting all of the latest/.most fashionable baby gear. Then there is the group of mom's who are around my age who I just.cant.get.along with because I cant go to a playgroup where people yell or hit their kids. Mommy wars extend far, far beyond the internet here.Im sure it gets better as children get older, but with little ones, I get told all the time what Im doing wrong and how with their kids they did this or that that was sooo much better.
By the way, I have problems with schools, but I really think that there is nothing wrong with more than one adult being prominent in a child's life. To me that isnt the issue, as long as you respect the person. It seems like everyone has a problem with the idea that someone else is raising your kids. Yes, they are helping to do so. When your kid spends 8 hours a day with someone else, they are helping to raise your child. Many, many teachers refer to the children in their class as "their kids" because they DO spend 40 hours a week with them. I know when I lived with my dad and I went to school and and after school care I really only saw my dad for an hour in the morning and from 6-8 at nighttime. (8 was bedtime). So, 15 hours in 5 days compared to the 40 hours I spent with my teacher, plus the 10hours with after school care. He didnt have a choice, but he also worked every sunday so I spent most of that day with someone else too. When you break that down, I was really only spending about 28 waking hours a week with him. Thats not a lot considering that I was awake for about 100 hours. If you are with your kid less than 1/3 of the time they are awake you have to be okay with the idea that someone else his helping to raise them.
ETA: Just to clarify, there is also an awesome AP playgroup but its during a time that I cant go. So, those two are just the ones that I can go to. Playdates are way more fun anyway.
Edited by Adaline'sMama - 7/6/11 at 12:24pm