Originally Posted by EJ Lang
Alyantavid, can you expound on your implications of your quotes of mine? Having children can cost a lot of money, but it doesn't have to. I personally feel parents can make a living and still avoid daycare if that's their choice. Don't have kids if you can't afford them, don't have sex if you don't want kids, don't spend more than you make...what are they teaching kids in school these days?
You know..."don't have sex if you don't want kids" is one of those amazingly judgmental, obnoxious things people say, and it sounds, superficially, as though it makes sense. It doesn't. For most people (I'm sure there are some who are more-or-less asexual), sex is a very powerful emotional and physical need. I don't believe that celibacy is a healthy way to live in the long term (again, for most people). Telling people to just not have sex is about as realistic as telling people to just not eat. It's not going to happen.
In any case, "affording" kids is a slippery concept. What happens when you decided to ttc, and can "afford" kids, and then your financial situation changes suddenly (car gets totalled and the insurance company screws you, the breadwinner, if applicable, gets unexpectedly laid off, one or the other of you experiences a sudden, unexpected health crisis...this can have a dramatic financial impact even in Canada, where people aren't being bankrupted by hospital bills on a regular basis, etc.), or your child is born with an unexpected, and expensive, health problem that isn't covered by insurance. What happens if you realize that you can afford a child - and then it's twins or triplets (this has thrown both of my siblings a financial curve ball - no previous history of multiples, but they both had twins)?
As to "parents can make a living and still avoid daycare". In what circumstances? Sure - some parents can do that. But, as with every single aspect of parenting, that depends on many, many factors. I "avoided daycare" (had no problem with it, except for transportation to and from - none in walking distance, and I didn't drive back then - and the fact that I couldn't afford it, anyway). That doesn't mean my solution is available to everybody. (Basically, I paid family members to babysit, but we arranged a bargain price, and, most importantly, I didn't have to pay for unused time - my ex's job wasn't a typical, full-time job, and sometimes, he'd be off every weekday for a week. If I'd had ds1 in daycare, I'd have been paying for those days, even though there would have been no income coming in from my ex. My income covered the basics, in a pinch, and I made the vast majority of our income...but it wsn't enough to absorb costs like that.)