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nevermind - Page 2

post #21 of 43
? That site gave me 113 pounds as the ideal weight for a 5'4" 13 year old girl... regardless, I think her weight seems fine, not overweight or underweight. Muffin top often happens because girls are wearing pants that are too small...
post #22 of 43

I clicked on the wrong link and did the one for adult weight.  I didn't realize they did kid weights and adult weights once you have an adult shaped body.  It is weird that it doesn't give a range for kids.  The adult one had a range of healthy weights that spanned a wide range of weights.  I think she would probably still be in the healthy range though, unless it is cut and dry for teens.  I should probably not say anymore because it really triggers a lot from when I was teen. 

post #23 of 43
Thread Starter 

deleted


Edited by Rani - 9/3/11 at 5:02pm
post #24 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post

She is somewhat overweight but not a lot. its ALL in her belly and hips..like a spare tire around the waist.  She doesn't look bad to me at all BUT it bothers her as the girls around her are relatively skinny and have a small pot at most....her belly is significant.


Some kids simply are going to have different body shapes.  Your job, as a parent, is to help her make healthy choices and help her be comfortable in the body she has.  

 

If her pants are giving her 'muffin top' take her shopping, try a bunch of different cuts and sizes on and find some that don't.  Help her learn to dress in a way that plays down her waist, and emphasizes other features. 

 

Also, if she is worried about her weight, let her step on a scale and see where the numbers are.  If she wants to be healthier, help her make choices to get there. 

 

At 13, there are SO many changes going on that it's really hard to see where her body will be when she is 17/18.... 

 

 

I was the girl who had more curves than her friends.  My mom was great, but the rest of my family was terrible about it- always comparing me to so and so who was a little willowy sort.  The decade+ of disordered eating as a result of their not being able to help me be comfortable in the body I had did a lot more damage than carrying a little weight would have done. Stop comparing your daughter to her friends.  What they look like doesn't matter. Whether you accept the way she looks, and whether you help her learn to dress for, and be comfortable in, her body matters a great deal. 

post #25 of 43
Thread Starter 

deleted


Edited by Rani - 9/3/11 at 5:02pm
post #26 of 43

Posture, posture, posture. Even my underweight 13 y.o. has a little bit of that because they don't stand up straight. I think it must be the newness of the breasts or something, because DD and all her friends slouch. Does she have watery BMs or constipation or allergic symptoms? If so, she may have parasites which cause belly distention, otherwise I think it's normal teenage behavior. Have her walk around with a thick book or a cloth bag filled with lightweight items on her head for 15 minutes a day, that should help a little with the posture. Poke a finger in her middle/lower back when she's slouching to get her to sit up.

post #27 of 43
Thread Starter 

Sigh...I appreciate your thoughts but she danced from 4 years old till age 12..she has good posture.....you all still think its a wee teeny bit of flub but its not.  She has a spare tire around her body in the middle..when you look at her from behind you can see it as well as in the front. When she sits down, its very apparent as well as when she stands. Nevermind folks.  Moderator please delete this thread.

post #28 of 43
I'm not sure why you want this thread deleted. Did you expect different responses? Suggestions on how to get rid of her tummy? I always feel like people are fishing for something else. So what is it you want to hear?

I can tell you I have one kid who is as you describe, and one who is literally a skinny muscle. They're just different. And if the difference is bothersome to the little one I'll help her figure out how we can help change her outlook first then go onto help build a healthy body.

Good luck, by the way I think this thread was good for a lot of mamas
post #29 of 43

Rani do you need to make a formal request somewhere to delete this thread?

 

coz if the moderators dont delete then I am not sure how i feel about remaining here at mothering.

 

i can understand why you want to delete this thread. this is personal stuff and you dont want ur dd to find this online. i am sure this is a sore subject in your family anyways.

 

i wonder if the 'attack site' is making fun of this thread too.

 

i hope your request - no matter why - is met.

post #30 of 43

I'd be surprised if this thread is deleted.  We deal with lots of issues about food/weight/body image/health/parents concerns here, and I think it's really helpful to gain perspective from the moms here.  I'm sorry, OP, if you felt unsupported or challenged.  Hopefully there was something helpful.

 

 

 

post #31 of 43

I'm sorry you didn't feel supported.

 

I'm adding something I didn't see posted here thus far.

 

Like so many people who replied, I said "that was me!" when I read this. I was a skinny girl. And I had a belly. My mother used to make comments about how I looked pregnant. It was awful. I couldn't understand it - my weight was really low. I've been underweight before (5'5" and 102 pounds on a medium frame) and never lost the belly. I spent 25 years of my life sucking in my gut. I dreaded having to do activities that required extra gut sucking (like swimming or gym). I used to wear tights under my gym attire because the tights had a nice tight belly so I didn't have to work so hard at it.

 

At the beginning of this year, I quit eating grains, just to give it a try (I had some health problems I was willing to try anything reasonable for). I was utterly shocked to see that my belly, at age 34, finally disappeared. I wore a bikini for the first time this summer. It was swelling caused by eating grains. It wasn't even fat, it was swelling. I don't have a six pack or enviable abs (I don't do core exercises though of course I intend to.. someday... maybe..) but my belly is FLAT.

 

I'm so not used to it. It's been 6 months and I still look at my belly (or lack thereof) in the mirror in the hall almost every time I pass it. I'm not a better, more disciplined, more fit or even skinnier person than I used to be. I've just solved the swelling. If your daughter wants to give it a try, she can stop eating cereal grains (wheat, oats, rye, barley, millet, etc) for about 6 weeks and see what happens.

post #32 of 43
Thread Starter 

What was I looking for? essentially what the last few responders said. She lives for eating grains..I keep telling her that may be an issue. I need to find some research to show her.  Its exactly what you describe Seashells....I will suggest this. Im more concerned about how SHE feels about it. I NEVER make negative comments.  I was feeling like everyone was saying that it was me saying she was fat or that I was mistaking a bit of flub for an issue. 

 

thanks so much.  And nope the moderator NEVER responded to me or anything. I have been actually quite disappointed in how the forums are going lately not because of my posts or anything but generally.  Sigh....

 

Rani

post #33 of 43

I don't have a 13 year old but trying to remember myself at that age. I think that if I complained about it, it would have been best if my mom just shrugged and said "you could try eating grain free for a few weeks and see what happens. I'd be more than happy to take care of that." And if she didn't want to, I'd drop it. I like the idea of having just a 6 week period because it's so finite. The idea of quitting pasta FOREVER is kind of hard on a person so oriented to it. But if she gets a lot of results she might stick with it.

 

I'm trying to think if I would push the issue, though. I don't think so if the swelling was the only symptom. Not because that's not enough of a symptom but because it's so darn wrapped up in our self-images. I just wouldn't go there. But if she also had difficulty concentrating (brain fog) or digestive pains or irregularity in the bathroom, I think I would make an executive decision as a mom to try feeding her grain free. She's too old to be prevented from eating what she wants when she's away from you, but if you made the change in your house it might already help a little. If I did such an executive decision, I'd only talk about the other symptoms. I feel sensitive about my belly. The things my mom said stay with me to this day. (ETA: not that I am suggesting you said anything of course, just recalling my experience).

post #34 of 43

Rani, I'm sorry.  Though I have an idea now as well.  How does she do with dairy?  I'm seriously scrawny but can look pregnant if dairy and or grains are in my diet.  I took it out and hardly have it at all anymore.  I wonder if your whole family can go without those things for 6 weeks and see if there is a difference.  And once she saw the difference you can tell her why.  Actually seeing the outcome is so much easier to understand.

 

Good luck

post #35 of 43
Thread Starter 

Thanks so much ladies..and yes I have been mulling it over. I actually had the opportunity to say something about it last night because it may also help my fibroids too and said I was going to try at least to go bread free and white flour free as a starter...She immediately shrugged it off but she is one of those deep thinkers...she may just give it a go if she sees im not telling HER too..that Im going to do it myself.

 

Thanks again and will let you know how it goes....

post #36 of 43

Good luck!

post #37 of 43



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

I'm not sure why you want this thread deleted. Did you expect different responses? Suggestions on how to get rid of her tummy? I always feel like people are fishing for something else. So what is it you want to hear?

I can tell you I have one kid who is as you describe, and one who is literally a skinny muscle. They're just different. And if the difference is bothersome to the little one I'll help her figure out how we can help change her outlook first then go onto help build a healthy body.

Good luck, by the way I think this thread was good for a lot of mamas


I totally agree with the bolded parts.  Threads like this really help me a lot because I've had disordered eating for years and much of it started in my tweens and early teens due to comments from others (specifically family) on what my body should look like.  I want to avoid this at all costs with my own DD.  My DD is still fairly young (only five) but everyone can see that she has inherited her body type from her parternal ancestors who my DH affectionately refers to as Russian potato pickers.  She is shorter and stockier than most kids her age and has a Mary Lou Retton type physique.  She's been extended breastfed and has a great diet, gets tons of exercise and is strong.  By those genes.  Can't change them.  How she sprang forth from my body, I'll never know!  Anyway, I think that Imakcerka's advice is great:  learning to recognize differences and then helping to build a healthy outlook and body for life. 
 

 

post #38 of 43
Thread Starter 



This is what I mean. I NEVER said I was making NEGATIVE comments to my dd. In fact I do the opposite. I never said it was or was not her genes.  I truly believe its the grains thing as well as her not pushing very hard when she does exercise.  But I don't SAY THAT to her. I do NOTHING to encourage a poor body image.   This is not helpful.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post



 


I totally agree with the bolded parts.  Threads like this really help me a lot because I've had disordered eating for years and much of it started in my tweens and early teens due to comments from others (specifically family) on what my body should look like.  I want to avoid this at all costs with my own DD.  My DD is still fairly young (only five) but everyone can see that she has inherited her body type from her parternal ancestors who my DH affectionately refers to as Russian potato pickers.  She is shorter and stockier than most kids her age and has a Mary Lou Retton type physique.  She's been extended breastfed and has a great diet, gets tons of exercise and is strong.  By those genes.  Can't change them.  How she sprang forth from my body, I'll never know!  Anyway, I think that Imakcerka's advice is great:  learning to recognize differences and then helping to build a healthy outlook and body for life. 
 

 



 

post #39 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post



This is what I mean. I NEVER said I was making NEGATIVE comments to my dd. In fact I do the opposite. I never said it was or was not her genes.  I truly believe its the grains thing as well as her not pushing very hard when she does exercise.  But I don't SAY THAT to her. I do NOTHING to encourage a poor body image.   This is not helpful.

 



 


And I didn't say that you made negative comments, Rani, nor did I even remotely infer that you (specifically) were encouraging poor body image.  I was agreeing to the bolded parts in Imakcerka's message and indicating why I think that threads like this are useful to some of us, because threads like this help some of us to take a good look at body image and how we view it, etc.  My post was meant to show you (general you) that a discussion like this is important.  It wasn't a critique of you (specifically you).
 

 

post #40 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post

you all still think its a wee teeny bit of flub but its not.  She has a spare tire around her body in the middle..when you look at her from behind you can see it as well as in the front. When she sits down, its very apparent as well as when she stands.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post

I was feeling like everyone was saying that it was me saying she was fat or that I was mistaking a bit of flub for an issue. 

 

thanks so much.  And nope the moderator NEVER responded to me or anything. I have been actually quite disappointed in how the forums are going lately not because of my posts or anything but generally.  Sigh....

 

Rani



Can you see how your first the bolded could make people think that you are saying she is fat? I have a belly and I cant stand it when its referred to as a "spare tire" or "flub", Its offensive to some people. However, I dont see anywhere where anyone has accused you of saying these things to your daughter. But saying you are only concerned because she is concerned doesnt seem true, otherwise you would be asking "how can I assure her that this is no big deal" instead of "she has a spare tire."


No one attacked you, no one said anything out of line, so why would a mod delete it for you? There is nothing here that is against the UA and it doesnt seem that you have shared personal information that could be dangerous to you IRL. One of the things that disappoints me about the forums recently is how many people seem to delete everything themselves or ask for something to be deleted just because it didnt go their way. Does not make sense, and is actually against the UA. Did you PM a mod, or did you just ask on the thread?
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