Who doesn't fit in anywhere?

[sortacrispy]

I just joined this site a couple months ago since I'm tired of being the weird hippy-dippy chick in my family and group of friends. Except after joining here I found out just how mainstream I am. People I know in real life think I am weird to breastfeed for as long as I do and not use any formula, but here I seem like a down right slacker for weaning my first son at 15 months. In real life I am weird because I planned natural, intervention-free births, but here I am part of the system because I wanted those births in the hospital attended by an OB. In real life I am weird for delaying and selectively vaxing my boys, here I am poisoning them with the toxins I do choose to inject. In real life I am weird because I won't circ my boys, here I am not a true intactivist because I don't believe in outlawing RIC. In real life I am weird because I won't spank my boys, but here I am a torturer because once they were 9 months I did a modified version of sleep training?

So my username is apt, I'm a sorta crispy gal  But really, I am probably not the only one who feels too weird for the mainstream but not sure if they are quite welcome here? Just wanted to shout out to the community and see if there are other moms and dads out there who feel the same way :)

[cat13]

Welcome to MDC! I've only been around MDC for under a year, but I find that there is room for everyone. Yeah, there are some folks who want to out-AP or out-crunchy everyone else, but mostly I've found it to be a pretty supportive place, even for "crispy" folks like you. Just be yourself and click around the different forums until you've found your place. Also, I recommend the Finding your Tribe section too.

[BrennaRawks]

I'd say I often feel that way too. For me, I'm not so crunchy but more AP. I do some things this way, and others more mainstream. I know there are many days when I feel like I'm too AP/crunchy for my mainstream friends and too mainstream for my crunchy friends. Not a fun place to be, for sure.

That said, although I lurk far more than I post here, I'm learning to be that confident mom that I've always admired and wanted myself to be.

You're in good company, OP. I think there are lots of mamas who feel that way, even if they never voice that feeling.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Please refer to my thread started about a week ago.  *WINK*

I belong NO WHERE.  But Im here anyway, because darn it if some mamas here dont LOVE ME and I LOVE THEM!!  <3 <3 <3

[Phoenix~Mama]

Well... you DO belong somewhere, Gina.  ;-)  

*waves*  *points at tag line*

That's me too... a crispy middle roader.  :-)

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I STAND CORRECTED. 

 

Originally Posted by Phoenix~Mama 

Well... you DO belong somewhere, Gina.  ;-)  

*waves*  *points at tag line*

That's me too... a crispy middle roader.  :-)

If only I had a dang lap top with wifi!  CURSES!!!!!!
 

[SubliminalDarkness]

It's ok. I don't really "fit" anywhere either. So I just kind of take what I feel I can benefit from and leave the rest. I'm ok with that. 

[Linda on the move]

Welcome to club!

I've been here for years. IRL, I'm considered a radical. Here, I'm very mainstream to have stuck around so long!

I like the middle path. The middle is always the best part (take Oreos, for example).

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

The chocolate covered ones? 
 

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I like the middle path. The middle is always the best part (take Oreos, for example).

[SuburbanHippie]

I feel that way sometimes too.  I use organic hair care products, but I dye my hair.  I have an organic garden, but I also enjoy a good bowl of ice cream (often).  My birth plan includes no vaccines, vit K, or eye ointment, but also says I'll most likely have an epidural.  I think everyone is a little "middle of the road," but some of them don't like to admit it.

[grumpybear]

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie 

  I think everyone is a little "middle of the road," but some of them don't like to admit it.

 

I'm the weird one in the family too. Natural birth, BF, extended BF, practice GD but I really love Cheetos and we like deep frying our food.

[cat13]

I think I need to unsub from this thread with all this talk about cheetos, ice cream and chocolate covered oreos.... mmmmmm.

[CI Mama]

I'm a lesbian who got pregnant by AI, had a doula at my hospital birth, ended up with a c-section, cloth diapered my baby, did baby wearing but not hard-core, sort of EC'd to potty train DD, did co-sleeping but is in transition with that, BFs a soon-to-be-3-year-old, works full-time, comes home to a permaculture-influenced urban homestead (complete with compost bins, rain barrels, mostly organic gardens), doesn't drive a car (commutes by bike), feels right at home with kooky artsy-fartsy types without really looking like one of them, and is just happy to live in Madison, WI where all of the above fits just fine, as do many other variations on "mainstream" (whatever that is) and "crunchy" (whatever that is).

I'm not the weird one in my family. We're all weird, just in different ways!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Ohhhhh, I think about doing a rain barrel ALL.THE.TIME.  I hear it makes your hair feel SOOO SOFT!!!!

[Latte Mama]

Another middle of the roader here.  I breastfed, cosleep, and still wear my toddler.  But I had to have a C section for my own health and medical history, used sposies (awful I know), and use a mix of regular and organic food.  I sure as heck am not as perfect as the "model MDC mom" but I suspect that is a fantasy anyway.  I aspire to do the best I can and do better each and every day.

[emilysmama]

I prefer to think of myself as a bilateral extremist.

I nursed my dd until she was 3 y.o., pumped for three years, cloth diapered, we use family cloth, did baby wearing until child was 5 years old, still co-sleeping at age 7 y.o, cook from scratch, I use cloth mama pads, no TV/movies/DVDs/Computer games, etc..

BUT

My dd was born by C-section, is fully vaxed, and has been getting a full complement of allergy medications (including a nasal steroid) since a year old. Herbal medications generally frighten me, and I prefer my medications approved by the FDA. I enjoy talking to my dd's pediatrician.  I love working full time.  My child goes to a public school, and I'm very happy with it.  I would go bananas if I had to homeschool.  ETC.

BUT I have many friends (both crunchy and mainstream) in real life that do things that I don't, and don't do things that I do.  I get along great with them, and when we talk about things that they do that are very different from what I do, I admire them because it seems to be working very well for them.  Whenever other mothers talk about things that I don't do, I consider it as an opportunity to learn about what is different from what I do, instead of as a chance to convert someone to "my" side. Once in a while, I do change my mind and my practices.

I am certain that everyone's own personal experience is different from mine.  I have to say, however, that all of my mainstream friends are tolerant of the crunchy things that I do.  I am sorry to say that a few of my crunchy friends speak very militantly against some of my mainstream practices.  Fortunately, we still have lots enjoyable conversations about it.

Edited by emilysmama - 6/25/11 at 5:03pm

[FAmom]

Funny.... I don't fit in anywhere.  And, when I read this thread, if the OP is "sortacrispy", then I'm likely "justsorta"..... I don't even want to list stuff for myself that makes me considered "out there" by those around me.  I think I'd end up run out of here too if I did.  So, I don't really fit in here either.

[meemee]

nuhuh gals. you cant stick a label on me. i defy all labels. 

some find me weird. some find me cool. 

i am who i am. others perception of me defines who i am in their eyes. 

and i am not just talking about parenting. 

i dont really 'fit' in anywhere. i never have even as a child.  neither does dd. children tell her she is strange and so do adults (but the adults do it in a positive way). 

so dd and i are a team. and we are both aware that while we enjoy who we are we are also prepared to be loners. 

however i know many mainstream parents and their parenting philosophy has never stopped me from getting to know them and be friends. while i have felt bad for their kids, i have also seen that they do care about their children. we just focus on different things. 

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by emilysmama 

I prefer to think of myself as a bilateral extremist.

Me, too!  I was gonna say I was on both sides of the road but never in the middle.  Oddly, though, I don't think I'm as nice about it as you are.    Like, I feel pretty horrified when I hear people talking about circ'ing like it's not a form of torture.  And it freaks me out to see a mom feeding a baby to a 2 mo old.  But I don't think even I am terribly judgmental about someone with your leanings, OP. 

I feel like there's nowhere for me because I'm what *I* consider to be crunchy, but nobody else actually considers it crunchy.  I want to know where the good old fashioned hippies are  --  the ones who are all about peace, love, and non-conformism, who would think that my ancient volvo wagon was cool and not embarrassing, and who are pay some attention to social issues and politics and would be willing to move to Canada to make sure their children weren't drafted.  To me, those things are the essence of hippy-dom, but I don't know any of those hippies.  :(

Otoh, ya'll would think I was very mainstream if you heard me talking about my truly awesome C-section birth (best day of my life!), or saw me pushing my little ones in a stroller, or saw how we eat (well, you'd think I was *worse* than mainstream on that one).  

[Dacks]

Originally Posted by rubidium 

 And it freaks me out to see a mom feeding a baby to a 2 mo old. 

I'm a little freaked out about this right now too. 

I hope this site becomes a little more accepting of people who don't go Full Crunch. Mothers shouldn't have to keep half their lives secret from the forum for fear of being shunned as a bad parent.