How far along are you, Ablemec? I felt the same way in my 1st trimester of pregnancy. I'm halfway through my 2nd trimester and am still having emotional swings, but it's nothing compared to what I experienced earlier on -- well, unless it's a day like today when I couldn't sleep last night and woke up stressed out beyond belief... couldn't even make it into work because I couldn't stop crying! I had the worst panic attacks of my life in that 1st T. I was actually walking around my house shaking and bawling my eyes out for hours, rocking myself in bed, trying to get the racing thoughts and worries to leave my head... It was unbearable. I became depressed too and will be completely honest that thoughts of self-harm crossed my mind for a decent period of time. I'm anticipating that things are going to start getting worse like that again for me as the baby is moving more and I'm having more trouble sleeping...... I'm scared of what the 3rd T has in store for me. When I feel good, I don't mind going into work. But when the anxiety hits, I can't be around anyone and freak out. I wish there was more consistency in my moods so I could feel more secure in my everyday life. Half the time I want to just quit my job and say "screw it" even though I know we can't live on my husband's salary alone. :-/ I really hope I feel better during my maternity leave and feel up to going back to work.
Â
My best advice to you is to be honest with people. You don't need to tell them exactly how disturbed you're feeling, but I found that once I opened up to everyone that I was having panic attacks, they were so supportive and it eased some of my anxiety. My boss and coworkers know and they have been wonderful. I had one coworker follow me into a storage closet at work one day when I went flying in their in tears. She actually admitted to me that she had severe depression while pregnant and I wasn't alone. Another coworker told me her anxiety was through the roof during pregnancy too. It felt so much better to know that other women struggled too because all I ever grew up hearing from people was how great pregnancy was and how amazing it was. I'm sure some women feel the best they've ever felt while pregnant. But I tend to think more now that in most cases it's all a lie and women feel pressured into saying everything is wonderful even though they're hating their own personal struggles!
Â
I also see a therapist every few weeks to talk things out and strengthen my coping techniques. I'm failing miserably at coping while the hormones are rushing, but it still helps to know I have that person to call up in an emergency. And my husband has been there through it all somehow! Haha.
