Toddler conflict... should I have stood up for my toddler?

[sienne1975]

I brought my 2.5 year old son to an indoor playground today where I'm used to seeing mostly toddlers playing. But today, I guess since school is out for the summer break, I saw a handful of older 6-8 year old boys there. I let my son roam as he does there, and one of the older boys sprinted across the room, knocked my son pretty hard. He fell face first! It happened so fast I didn't even see which kid it was, but I'm sure it wasn't intentional. I was just focused on consoling my son who was hysterically crying. My friend who was there with me told me which boy is was, and that the nanny would not even apologize. I didn't approach the boy or the nanny because it took a long time to settle my son down and honestly I felt like my disciplining another person's child would do anything. I only sternly told the boy to be careful when I saw him running again. I told this to my husband who became upset and told me that I should have yelled at the boy, especially because his caretaker did not care to pay attention. 

On the same day, at the same place, my son and I were playing with foam blocks, when another older boy just came and took one of the pieces from the house we were building. Again it happened so quickly that this boy's behavior just stunned me, and since we had enough pieces to play with, I didn't say anything. The second time the boy came and just reached out his hand to grab the block my son was holding, I told him that my son is playing with it and that he has to wait. Again my husband thought that I didn't stand up for my child that I should have gotten the block back from the kid the first time and that my son needs to see his mom stand up for him.

I feel like I handled it ok but at the same time can't help but feel that my husband is right. I'm used to well behaved, pretty gentle kids playing with my son, and also moms who discipline their kids if they are rude or hurt another child. Both times I was stunned, and felt like if the other kids' caretakers were rude enough to ignore what had just happened, then it's not even worth it to note the incident to the kids or the caretakers. But after my husband put in such words that  I "did not stand up" for my son, I was overwhelmed with guilt, that maybe I need to be more confrontational, so my son feels protected.

What do you think? Has anyone been in my situation and know the best way to handle it?

[mamazee]

I disagree that it's appropriate to yell at a child who accidentally ran into your son. It was an accident, and you told him to be careful. I don't think that yelling would make your son feel better about it. If it taught him anything, it would be to get angry and yell over accidents.

The block grabbing - I think we can over think this stuff really. If you notice it, tell the kid to not take stuff you're using, but I wouldn't spend too much time contemplating every interaction. There will be a trillion interactions between you, your ds, and other kids. Each individual one doesn't matter much. I'm sure he'll grow to know you love him and are there for him.

[sosurreal09]

I protect my child from other kids physically and intentionally hurting her. I do think that is important. The cases you describe I wouldn't worry about. Also I would never yell at anyones kid...or my own

[carmel23]

look at it this way, how would you have felt if the mother of the older child asked you to please watch your child more carefully and keep him out of the way of the older child?  Accidents happen, we don't need to assign blame. 

And the block thing.... that is one of the blessings of playing in a place where you have to share toys, even when other people are not so polite... but you can talk about it and improvise... "oh, someone too our block, how can we fix our house, oh here is another block! Let's fix it."  I think that you can turn these into learning experiences, and connect with the other child... otherwise why not just stay home? 

I know it is hard to watch things like this happen to your little one, and your job is to protect you little one!  But even older kids are just learning, they aren't fully formed little adults... :)

[EviesMom]

I think you handled it fine. You're going to be surprised by stuff sometimes and not comment on every interaction. It's okay. When you saw what was going on, you stepped in. If your child is knocked down again, you could try to keep him closer to you/out of the path of the big kids, or just watch closer and pick him up if big kids are running around or warn them to be careful. I don't think you need to yell at them, but next time, you can catch them before they knock someone down and ask them to watch out for the little kids. 

Are there any posted guidelines for the indoor play space? Many of the ones here have rules about ages and hours and different rooms, which makes it easier to navigate with both big kids and toddlers. 

[sienne1975]

Thank you everyone, for your thoughtful responses! I realize now I've been a bit sheltered, only surrounding myself with the moms/kids I chose to hang out with. You guys are right... there are going to be countless incidents like this and it won't be good to be on the defense for all the time! My son was developmentally delayed physically (walked by 18 months) so I think I've been a bit overprotective of him. I guess we both have to learn how to deal with new situations!