How do you react to your child who accidently hurts you all the time?

[Thing1Thing2]

DS is 3. We are working on getting an OT evaluation for him for spectrum issues including SPD and NOS.

I get hurt by him at least twice a day. He throws trains at me hitting me in the head, he gets wild and bangs into my hips or my pregnant belly with his head, or he will bite really hard, or push really hard. 

Tonight I was singing him to sleep and he was wildly trying to calm down. He throws his head around like a cannonball and most times it just happens to miss me. Tonight it hit me really hard in the jaw. I'm ticked off. I'm so tired of being hurt unexpectedly by this kid. I have a huge bruise and a headache. I yelled at him really angrily "I don't like to get hurt!" and left the room. I left him crying with his Dad in the room. I know I hurt his *very sensitive* feelings, but I'm so tired of being beat up even if it was an accident.

Does this happen to other moms out there? I usually give him calm down time in a special corner when he's purposely hurting people. How is one supposed to react when it's an accident? 

[sleet76]

I'm sorry this didn't get responded to earlier.  I have experienced this with my son who has ADHD when he was younger.  He is now 6, and while we do have some occasional impulsive "accidents", I am much less likely to get my nose bloodied by his head while trying to get him dressed, etc.  Hang in there!  It does get frustrating, though, I know.

[Thing1Thing2]

Thanks for the response. I'm still contstantly getting hurt by him. It seems he is trying to get my attention. I'm on the verge of tears because I give this child my undivided attention most of the day - then when I sit down to eat or take my focus off of him for just a minute, he gets wild and uncontrollable. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and exhausted. I just want to sleep all day in the first place - so it's very hard for me to try and think of a time when things will get better. I sure hope they do - and soon.

Thanks again.

[mekat]

My son isn't on the spectrum but I have been dealing with a somewhat similar issue.  He has two genetic syndromes, neurological problems severely delayed in all areas of development and and has mostly mild sensory issues, sound sensory issues are more moderate and oral/head sensory issues are severe.  I have had major issues with him kicking and hitting.  He is hypotonic so he very rarely hurts anyone (except when he is wearing AFO's)  but regardless it is unacceptable behavior. 

I have finally found an approach that works but isn't a 100%.  How I did it was I assumed he knew nothing and started teaching him from the very beginning the difference between gentle and hard touches.   I stopped saying no hit, no kick, no throw because kids hear that all the time and start to block it out.  Instead I started teaching him what I wanted him to do.  If he starts to hit or kick now I say "Nuh Uh Uh Uh Uhhhh!  Gentle touching only."   In the beginning I had to to correct him constantly but it is finally starting to make a difference.    When we get into a situation that I can't avoid that usually sets off an episode then I sing a song I made up over and over again about gentleness and gentle touching.   My approach doesn't work 100% of the time but I have seen a remarkable difference and even when he does kick or hit the behavior usually either stops abruptly or at least isn't as hard as it was.  My approach isn't perfect but at least it is working for us.   I actually got the basics from my approach from a  Kindle book.  The book title is "Toddler ABC Guide to Discipline: Quick Secrets to Loving Guidance" by SLP Michelle Smith MS and Dr. Rita Chandler .   I bought it partially because it had gotten a good review from ar parent of an autistic child and partly because the price was only $2.99.  I figured $3 wasn't a lot to lose if it didn't work but by golly it is working. 

Next thing I need to tackle is the whole issue of why we shouldn't ram people with our adaptive equipment.  I am still trying to think of how to apply the above approach in a way that will work well. 

[babygirlie]

dd has busted two of my teeth, kicks, flails.. I have honestly thought about getting football gear. She causes me intense pain, bruises and broken bones. She's 2 btw.

I apologizes profusely when she bites her teachers. I pretend it doesn't happen in public despite the skin being pulled from my arm.

I am SICK of being kicked full throttle in the gut trying to change her diapers.

Spectrum kids do respond to deep pressure techniques. If I am sitting at home and she gets mad and bites I hold her away at arms length and say No, that hurts. This coming from a mom who was never going to yell or say no.. yeah.. that went out the window. Especially when your hit so hard in the face you fall backwards stunned.  I then squeeze her shoulders fairly hard and go down on her arms and down her chest.. I may even do her legs and head. Squeeze squeeze down down all over and it calms her. Deep pressure squeezes not light.

I will also brush her face with my hand gently and that calms her. Like drag my hand over her head down her face over and over. She closes her eyes and smiles even if she was spit fire angry a second ago. One of her teachers gave us a plastic brush to go over her entire body (she didn't know I already instinctively brushed her)

But it's not just when she's mad. She flails and laughs and I get hurt and I will also stop and say diaper first then whatever is she wants. I TRY to say first Then this.

I will also sit on her feet when doing her diaper as I just don't know how to not get kicked and she has kicked me in the head with tennis shoes on. Not fun. She kind of launches herself. I don't know.. its amazing the damage she can do.

I like the idea of saying this is hard we must be gentle and demonstrating it.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by babygirlie   I then squeeze her shoulders fairly hard and go down on her arms and down her chest.. I may even do her legs and head. Squeeze squeeze down down all over and it calms her. Deep pressure squeezes not light.

I will also brush her face with my hand gently and that calms her. Like drag my hand over her head down her face over and over. She closes her eyes and smiles even if she was spit fire angry a second ago. One of her teachers gave us a plastic brush to go over her entire body (she didn't know I already instinctively brushed her)

I had some success doing stuff like this with my son when he was little.  He kicked, hit, pinched, squeezed and rammed into me.  His head was at just the right level once when he rammed into me that he left a huge, black and blue bruise on my pelvic bone, of all things.  

[Thing1Thing2]

Yes, he head butts me all the time. And he is right at the level of my pelvic bone too. Also he hits me in the belly and its nerve wracking because I worry about him hitting the baby. I'm wondering how he is going to react when the new baby comes... and how I'm going to handle it.

Babygirlie, I have tried the deep pressure, but only at times when he's already fairly calm. I will try it next time he has an episode.

And I thought this was hilarious "Next thing I need to tackle is the whole issue of why we shouldn't ram people with our adaptive equipment."

Thanks for the info everyone, I wish there was an easier way about this - and I do plan on trying to teach him "gentle touches," It's just that when hes in the moment, he is not listening to anything I say - nor do I think he cares.

Still trying to get a diagnosis for him, and I think his behavior is getting worse. I'm seeing more spectrum behavior and it's scaring me. This is taking what seems like forever, because I had to get him approved for non-vax status, before I could register him for school and before I can get him an eval with the district. We finally got our approval letter for the non vax status and I went to the school this morning to register him. It turns out they all went on vacation and wont be back until August 15  . So now I have to wait 5 more weeks.

As far as the neurologist and other doctors his ped referred us to - none have called me back in 2 months. And I have made many calls to their offices. Some of them don't even take insurance!! Why is it so hard to get an evaluation?! Lately I'm feeling like this  and I don't think the stress is helping DS.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova 
 

As far as the neurologist and other doctors his ped referred us to - none have called me back in 2 months. And I have made many calls to their offices. Some of them don't even take insurance!! Why is it so hard to get an evaluation?! Lately I'm feeling like this  and I don't think the stress is helping DS.

Today, I would look for facilities that do OT like this , and also the ones that come to your home. It seems like he could benefit from OT no matter what his ultimate diagnosis and it is probably the easiest/quickest provider to access.

As for the referrals, you could tell your doctor that they aren't returning your calls and ask if he would he call them directly for you. We took ds to this clinic; I found them myself, and just took their referral form to ds' doctor to fill out.

Also, even though a doctor doesn't take insurance, you may be able to submit the bill to your insurance company after the fact.

And if your insurance has a list of doctors (and you don't need 'permission from your pcp) I'd just go through the neurologists and developmental peds and see who you can get an appointment with first.

[Thing1Thing2]

Thanks Emmeline! I called all over the place yesterday - places like the one you suggested - and was very discouraged. Today, I tried again and I finally found somewhere that takes insurance and his appointment is for next Tuesday.  I will just need a prescription from the ped. Hope she cooperates, which I think she will.

I'm still in awe because I must have called 15 places yesterday and they all told me I would have to go through the school district.

I also did what you mentioned by calling my insurance company and making an appointment with a pediatric neurologist. First appointment is August 16th, but Im also on the waiting list in case of a cancellation.

My heart is breaking lately because I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I don't have the energy to help my son. I blame myself too much for the fact that his behavior is getting worse. I find myself losing it and yelling at him - when it's really not his fault. Having this appointment is helping me to not feel so hopeless.

I wish this baby were coming under different circumstances, but I know I'm blessed to have a new baby coming under *any* circumstances. I keep telling myself that things will get better soon - and I know they will. Thanks again!