I love that my baby is growing inside me but HATE how i look

[Becky Wheeler]

Call it hormones, call it being vain, but I am so emotional over the changes to my body. I know it's a beautiful transformation, but I just feel disgusted and gross and huge. I want to run and dance(without feeling like I'm jiggling all over) and wear a bathing suit and shorts. And I was on my way to being fit and happier with my body when I got pregnant. I don't resent my baby, I just hate that I have to get as big as a whale when my self esteem of my body was already low. I feel ashamed that I can't shake this feeling, because it's my baby that will make me larger and gain weight, but it's not the baby that I resent, it's the change. I hope I'm not alone. I've been really emotional about it today.

This is IwannaBanRN. How the heck did that happen? I don't know how it posted as my real name and stuff?.......

[IwannaBanRN]

I don't know how this posted as my facebook stuff? Someone please enlighten me. This is my 2nd account here cuz the other one was hacked. Is that what this one is? I'm confused. I never linked my facebook.

[berry987]

Not sure about the FB thing - but that makes me nervous. Wouldn't want my MDC posts ending up on FB!

As for body image...I'm right there with you. I struggle with body image and weight and I was really getting in a good groove before I got pregnant again. My jeans were fitting well, I was exercising regularly and I had more energy than ever. And then I got pregnant (with #4). I've only gained about 15 pounds at 22 wks, but so much of it goes straight to my face that when I look in the mirror I see a round pudgy face staring back at me. And it doesn't make me feel good. I've never been the pregnant girl with skinny arms and just a big pregnant belly - I gain in my butt and my face and thighs and ugh....we're going to the beach next week with my in-laws!!

I agree, it's great that I'm nurturing a baby and I'm so excited to have another....I just wish it didn't come with the body changes and all the weight gain. 

[11C11]

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Edited by 11C11 - 8/29/11 at 8:49am

[IwannaBanRN]

I checked my facebook and it didn't post to there, thank GOD! lol I am so glad I'm not alone. My poor fiance got to listen to me rant about my body last night and tell him how disgusting I felt. I think I'll feel a little better once it's undeniable that I'm pregnant. Right now, it looks like it could be pudge and it's depressing. I had to stop running because it was hurting my pelvis(damn you, relaxin!), so I'm down to light weight lifting and walking, etc.

Maverick, I felt the same way with my first. Only, I was 16 when I became pregnant. I had a flat tummy & was almost cocky about my looks and complained that I had a little pooch before I got pregnant. God, I would KILL to have my 16 year old body back, but I would never trade the kids. :)

[CDsMom1031]

I'm the same way. Although a stranger asking me if I was pregnant made me feel a smidge better... But I still hate everything about my looks right now.

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by TTCChloeOrConner 

I'm the same way. Although a stranger asking me if I was pregnant made me feel a smidge better... But I still hate everything about my looks right now.

It's always better when people notice you're pregnant and not pudgy. lol
 

[MrsKatie]

It's really hard.  As women, we are SO indoctrinated with the idea that our bodies aren't good enough.  Your body is only beautiful if your boobs are just the right size and your stomach is nice and flat and your thighs don't rub together and that's just the beginning.  And if you're pregnant it's only beautiful if your boobs are just the right size and your stomach is super cute and perfectly round and doesn't have an inch of fat between the baby and your skin and your thighs still don't rub together.  It's a really, really tough world to live in.  Negative body image is so prevalent and SO pervasive and so destructive and such a shame.

I remember reading a book called "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies," and it discussed how powerful women would be if we didn't think twice about how our bodies look.  Think about that.  Imagine what it would be like if NO woman had an issue with her body.  Think about all the things we'd want to do, the chances we'd want to take, how much more confident we'd be to put ourselves out there.  Anyway.  I could go on and on, I just think this whole phenomenon is such a tragedy and a shame and a waste, and it sucks even more that we have to go through it all over again when we get pregnant.

Even with all that, I can relate.  I got so thin right before I got pregnant -- I was running 7-9 miles 4-5 days a week, and I ate 100% raw vegan, and I looked awesome.  This pregnancy has been pretty rough on me, and I've gained a lot of weight, even though I'm still exercising (walking, not running) and eating super well.  But my body is out of my control.

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by MrsKatie 

It's really hard.  As women, we are SO indoctrinated with the idea that our bodies aren't good enough.  Your body is only beautiful if your boobs are just the right size and your stomach is nice and flat and your thighs don't rub together and that's just the beginning.  And if you're pregnant it's only beautiful if your boobs are just the right size and your stomach is super cute and perfectly round and doesn't have an inch of fat between the baby and your skin and your thighs still don't rub together.  It's a really, really tough world to live in.  Negative body image is so prevalent and SO pervasive and so destructive and such a shame.

I remember reading a book called "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies," and it discussed how powerful women would be if we didn't think twice about how our bodies look.  Think about that.  Imagine what it would be like if NO woman had an issue with her body.  Think about all the things we'd want to do, the chances we'd want to take, how much more confident we'd be to put ourselves out there.  Anyway.  I could go on and on, I just think this whole phenomenon is such a tragedy and a shame and a waste, and it sucks even more that we have to go through it all over again when we get pregnant.

Even with all that, I can relate.  I got so thin right before I got pregnant -- I was running 7-9 miles 4-5 days a week, and I ate 100% raw vegan, and I looked awesome.  This pregnancy has been pretty rough on me, and I've gained a lot of weight, even though I'm still exercising (walking, not running) and eating super well.  But my body is out of my control.

Exactly! We have to be presentable all the times, even as moms. If our hair is mussed or the house isn't clean, people ask "oh are you okay? you look like hell" No, I'm fine. I'm just a mom, and I have more important things to worry about than do my hair and makeup for an hour and scrubbing floors in the afternoon. Even before I got pregnant, I was kinda down about my breasts, because when I lost weight, the boobs were the first to go. And we all know what happens when our boobs deflate. They hang a bit lower. Blah! Unless I go under the knife(which is SOOO unlikely) I will not be even close to the "perfection" society shows us we need to be. I'll look into that book. It sounds interesting, and I wonder if pregnant women SHOULD read it, cuz pregnancy is far from perfect. What's even more sad is the teens that HAVE good bodies, but will still look at their friends at lunch and say "I can't eat. Look at this pot belly!" And proceed to shake the SKIN(not fat) on their bellies. Ugh!
 

[11C11]

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Edited by 11C11 - 8/29/11 at 8:47am

[justamama]

I hate my body this time, but because I'm not bigger than I was! I'm losing weight from the hyperemesis...which makes my belly stay in the flabby stage where I clearly looked pregnant with my younger two by now. Why can't I still get the huge belly and lose my thighs instead? ;)

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by Maverick061106 

I think it has helped me a lot to have a supportive partner.  We have only been togther since this past December, so our relationship is still new and I still have some of those "new" insecurities with him.  He is different than anyone I've ever been with before.  He doesn't expect or even WANT me to try to look "perfect" or a certain way.  He's a pretty down-to-earth guy and would rather I not wear makeup or straighten my hair... and honestly, since we've been together, HIM telling me that he prefers I not do just those two things has made me feel so much more confident in myself.  So what if I have a zit on my forehead?  Everyone gets them, why do I need to stress about covering it up perfectly?  Yes, my hair is wavy and so what if it's not perfectly combed and straight and frizz-free.

He has picked on me a couple of times through the pregnancy, jokingly saying how he expects me to be back at my pre-preg weight within a month of delivery... he's joked and said that it's okay if my boobs sag afterward - I can just toss one over my shoulder to him when we're doing doggie lol  These are said VERY jokingly (I have only gained about 10-15 lbs so far and I'm about halfway through the pregnancy), as I'm intent on getting my body back asap... as well as I can anyway.

I have let on to him a few times about how I'm feeling self-conscious, though, and he's quick to be supportive.  I was in the bathroom yesterday morning before we went out to run some errands together, straightening my bangs (I'm trying to grow them out and they are SO unmanagable right now lol).  He came in and said "Why do you want to fry your hair?" or something along that line.  I said "Come on baby - I feel fat and pregnant, I have to do something to make me feel like I look good."  And he hugged me from behind and told me he thought I looked beautiful and so on.  And I, of course, got all teary.  Then throughout the day, he would say things like "have a seat my pregnant lovely" and such.  Kind of corny, I know, but I thought it was so sweet and it really did make me feel better. :)

Me and Ray got together in January. lol Go figure. I think that's part of where my insecurities come from. He has also said he doesn't care about makeup or me straightening my hair, etc, but I'd rather do it because it makes me feel better about myself. lol I was crying last night when Ray got home and he came to me and said "honey, why are you crying?" While I was crying, I blubbered out "cuz i feel like such a COW! you dont want a fat girlfriend." And he was so awesome about it. He said honey you are so beautiful and I love everything about you. Dont keep thinking that way. he lifted up my chin and whispered you have to gain weight for our baby. you're not getting fat you're getting more pregnant. I love him for that!
 

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by justamama 

I hate my body this time, but because I'm not bigger than I was! I'm losing weight from the hyperemesis...which makes my belly stay in the flabby stage where I clearly looked pregnant with my younger two by now. Why can't I still get the huge belly and lose my thighs instead? ;)

I'm sorry. I hope you round out soon. :)

[KayPea]

I don't love it, but I do the best I can, and my body does what it needs to and I'll work on it after the baby comes if it doesn't all come off with the breastfeeding. Not much I can do about the sag though! The hubs likes how I look, so that's all good. I just HATE the physical side of it - no matter how many exercises I do, I lose so much of my core during/after pregnancy, and my boobs get so big so fast that it affects my posture and gives me backaches no matter what I do. I don't like FEELING slow and fat and unhealthy, even more than I don't really like looking it. 

What really bothers me about the appearances though is the total lack of affordable awesome clothes for pregnant and nursing ladies (esp in here in Canada), particularly plus-sized, and particularly particularly plus-sized with huge-nourmous boobs. I normally have a fun, colourful and unusual wardrobe heavy on the vintage and second-hand and hand-made, but it's something that I have been building for years and years. I can't afford to go out and buy tons and tons of maternity clothes, even second-hand or consignment, and rely on hand-me-down and what I can find at thrift stores, which is not much, and i find myself settling for clothes that I would normally never wear. My wardrobe turns dark and rather mainstream and that gets me down, because clothes can be so fun. This time I'm trying to find a little extra money for some fun maternity clothes, and some time to make a few things, but shopping with a two-year-old is tricky!

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by KayPea 

What really bothers me about the appearances though is the total lack of affordable awesome clothes for pregnant and nursing ladies (esp in here in Canada), particularly plus-sized, and particularly particularly plus-sized with huge-nourmous boobs. I normally have a fun, colourful and unusual wardrobe heavy on the vintage and second-hand and hand-made, but it's something that I have been building for years and years. I can't afford to go out and buy tons and tons of maternity clothes, even second-hand or consignment, and rely on hand-me-down and what I can find at thrift stores, which is not much, and i find myself settling for clothes that I would normally never wear. My wardrobe turns dark and rather mainstream and that gets me down, because clothes can be so fun. This time I'm trying to find a little extra money for some fun maternity clothes, and some time to make a few things, but shopping with a two-year-old is tricky!

Are you crafty? Do you sew at all? That's what I'm doing. Making my own cute clothes. I went to a garage sale today and bought some lightly used & extra large t-shirts. One of them, I'm going to do a rouched side seam so it draws up the shirt and I will have room for my tummy to grow.
 

[KayPea]

I do sew a little, but I've never been able to make anything for me that fits right. It's pretty tricky to fit very curvy ladies. I also do not have a reliable sewing machine, so the sewing experience is frustrating for me.

If there are others out there who sew and have other kids too, when do you find time to sew? I have a two-year-old and can barely keep my house reasonably clean.

Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN 

Are you crafty? Do you sew at all? That's what I'm doing. Making my own cute clothes. I went to a garage sale today and bought some lightly used & extra large t-shirts. One of them, I'm going to do a rouched side seam so it draws up the shirt and I will have room for my tummy to grow.
 

[birdhappy85]

I've been feeling really down on myself for my growing size, too. I'm at the halfway point in my pregnancy and it feels like so many body changes are rapidly taking place now, I'm not adjusting well. In the beginning of my 2nd trimester, I had this confidence I don't think I've ever had in my life. I was loving my little low baby bump, I was feeling better emotionally after that hell of a first trimester, and my sex drive went through the roof. My poor husband was probably sick of me, LOL. And up until about week 17, I had only gained 5 lbs (I started out overweight so this was good). Then the cravings suddenly hit and I went crazy... The overeating became so rampant, but I think it's because I had suddenly been able to eat anything I wanted. I've had food intolerances to dairy and gluten for the past several years and needless to say - it felt like a miracle happened and I wanted to eat EVERYTHING I had been missing out on that whole time when the intolerances suddenly went away. Pregnancy really CAN do amazing things! So now I've jumped up in weight gain a lot in a mere few weeks and don't recognize myself. I hate how I feel, I am angry with my lack of self control, and I have only exercised a handful of times in the past 4 months. Exercise, even walking, is so uncomfortable for me... I so miss being able to do my dance workouts and run comfortably on the elliptical and take long walks outside. I'm afraid I'm just going to gain a ton of weight... And want to hear the most frightening thing? I'm the maid of honor in my friend's wedding in October. I'll be 8 months along, YIKES!

I want to find that confidence I had earlier in the pregnancy when I really loved my pregnant body. I still love my growing chest but other than that, not so much... I'm thankful to have a husband who constantly tries to encourage me, tells me, "It's okay, you're PREGNANT!" and tries to help me calm down my insecurities since he doesn't feel any of that negative stuff towards me that I worry about. But I think my grandma's comment to me in my first trimester to watch my calories really planted a seed that has been gnawing at me.

I can't wait to meet my baby and then spend my maternity leave taking care of her and feeling more comfortable in my own skin!

[Sasha's Mama]

I don't hate my pregnant body, but I did almost cry this weekend when I saw some pictures of myself from last year where I was skinny and wearing REAL JEANS :)

[MrsKatie]

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 
 I've had food intolerances to dairy and gluten for the past several years and needless to say - it felt like a miracle happened and I wanted to eat EVERYTHING I had been missing out on that whole time when the intolerances suddenly went away. Pregnancy really CAN do amazing things! ...

I think my grandma's comment to me in my first trimester to watch my calories really planted a seed that has been gnawing at me.

First of all, I DEVELOPED a wheat allergy with this pregnancy!!! It's so crazy!

And re: your grandmother's comment... My husband's grandmother has made many of the same comments to me.  When we first told her I'm pregnant, she said "Now be sure to keep your figure as long as possible."  And she's made many such comments ever since.  They really sting, don't they?  And they really stick, which is the worst part.

I have to remember that she's from a different time, when many women didn't gain enough weight during pregnancy -- and most of them drank and smoked throughout, as well.