7yo with separation anxiety

[DevaMajka]

Is this in the realm of normal? I have a friend with a 7yo son, who is homeschooled. We've been neighbors with them for 4 years, and for that whole time he has been "best friends" with my son. They are constantly over at each others house, and he is sometimes here for hours at a time. 

He won't stay here if his mom isn't home. He's always had sort of a separation anxiety, but in the last couple of months it seems more than usual. We had a b-day party of sorts today (for my younger son- snacks, cake, ice cream, other kids, etc), and her ds chose to go with his mom instead of come here for the "party." His younger sister did come.

Another time, he chose to go with his mom to get her car repaired instead of coming here to play with my son (his sister stayed with me that time as well).

It doesn't matter to me if he wants to come over or not- I'm not taking it personally or anything like that. She's mentioned it to me a few times, and I just want to make sure that I'm not over-enthusiastically agreeing that it's normal if it's not, kwim?

Also, a few people here (that just happened to know that he chose not to come, I didn't go blabbing it) said some negative things about it, and if it IS in the realm of normal, that would help me in my responses to those negative comments.

I am fairly certain that it's not specific to me. If I thought he wasn't comfortable with me, I would certainly work to change that.

[ALittleBitCrunchy]

It's normal for my family. My DD is 7 and she has been very attached to me since birth. She is always very aware of where people are and only in the past year has her circle opened enough to include DH in the "as good as mom" camp. She doesn't even like to be upstairs unless someone else is there with her. My DS, however, has never had any concerns. He is social, friendly and never thinks twice about leaving me behind. Even his first day of daycare - he said goodbye and walked over to a toy to play. I was forgotten before I was out the door. I think some kids simply take more comfort in the presence of people they love/trust/whatever. For DD, she doesn't bond easily or quickly and this seems to be inline with that personality. For DS, he is open and trusting and wouldn't even consider that someone may not be worthy of trust. To be honest...his openness causes me more worry than her slow-to-open approach. I'd love for him to have more caution more than I want her to have less!

[D_McG]

That would concern me.  I don't think it's typical.  My oldest is 5 and I can't think of any of his friends who are like that.  I'd probably be trying to find some solutions for his anxiety (if it was my kid).

[4evermom]

It was normal for my ds.  He has high standards for people who are in charge of him.  He didn't even like to be left with my sister whom he loves because of the dynamics of her being in charge of multiple children.  If he has a problem with his cousin, he wants to be able to come to me for advice because he knows I understand him on a different level than anyone else.  It's awkward to need help from someone whose primary loyalty/concern is for the other child.  It's awkward when the house rules are different at your friend's house than your own.  It's embarrassing when an accident happens and the other person thinks it was done on purpose.  If ds really feels secure with someone, he's fine.  It also helps if he can touch base with me.  Sometimes he uses dh's cell phone which has my number programed into it.

[Snapdragon]

it sounds normal to me. some people are just less social than others.I know even as an adult I would often rather just hang with my dh and ds on a saturday night than go to a party or be social without dh- it is not because I have anxiety about being away from him but more that I just enjoy being with him- it is different with a kid but I can see how it is a similar thing that maybe the kid just doesn't do that well with crowds and prefers the ease and familiarity of mama

[CarrieMF]

For a party it is completely understandable, especially if he didn't know alot of kids who would be there.  Parties are unorganized, loud & chaotic.  

The other time, maybe he just wanted to spend time with his mom.