Anyone here expecting #4 or more?

[jul511riv]

[bcblondie]

Nope. Haha.

[Harmony96]

So are you a #4 or are you a # more?  hehe. 

Me, I'm just on #3 this time.

[jul511riv]

#4 b'h :)

[MrsSurplus]

#7 

[jul511riv]

woot!

[AmBam]

Baby #5 for me! :)

[mrsteapot]

I just found out this morning that I'm pregnant with # 6.

I'm positively dreading telling pretty much anyone. 

I'm just not up to hearing the comments, I have a "friend" on facebook that actually said something about people having more than 2 being "breeders". Yeah. 

[jul511riv]

AW! I think it's great!! Congratulations to all!!

[mrsteapot]

Thanks.  

I think the shock is wearing off. We are happy. 

I'm from a large family, youngest of 6, and I think that there is something wonderful about it.

Plus how can you not love a sweet newborn baby?

I'm very glad to see other's having many! AND CONGRATULATIONS!! 

[MrsSurplus]

Originally Posted by mrsteapot 

I just found out this morning that I'm pregnant with # 6.

I'm positively dreading telling pretty much anyone. 

I'm just not up to hearing the comments, I have a "friend" on facebook that actually said something about people having more than 2 being "breeders". Yeah. 

Congratulations - and congratulations to all!!

I know in the past I've dreaded telling people because of the comments - now I try to head them off at the pass ("we are so excited - we just found out we're expecting number 7!!" What kind of cad is going to respond to that with something negative?) or I do allow them to feel bad or uncomfortable if they say something negative.  We know a dear, sweet man who said, when he heard we were expecting #5, "don't you know what causes that?"  This man is normally extraordinarily reserved and quiet...and it was totally said in a teasing way (he's known DH since they were teens) but I said, "yes...apparently we're good at it."  He was mortified and I have no doubt he won't use that line again.  It's a STUPID line - no one should say it. 

I hadn't read any of the Sarah Palin e-mails that were released weeks ago...except that I saw a news story on the one in which she and her husband announced (before the baby was born) that their baby had Down Syndrome.  While some haters certainly poked fun at the e-mail (it was written "from God" to the family members and friends of the Palins) but I thought it was clever in that it circumvented the negative or sympathetic ("how sad, you have a Down Syndrome baby...") comments by talking about what a special gift the child was going to be, etc...  Anyway, my whole point is that I think we can present things in ways that limit the negative feedback we receive.  At least, that's what I'm aiming for as we tell people about our pending blessing!

[jul511riv]

Yep. I got a "so, is a congratulations appropriate?" from a family member, after announcing that we were expecting. I think if I had ACTUALLY SAID "WE ARE SO EXCITED, as we are expecting our 4th..." it might have been different. We are definately keeping the possibility open to have a very large family. As Orthodox Jews, there is actually a lot of support for this in our community, though none of our families are religious so the feeling isn't shared by those most close to us.

But I'm not sure that, while it certainly is an issue, this is limited to those of us with "large families" (can I even consider myself a "larger family with 4?!"). When I was pg with my first, I had all sorts of negative comments from various people that I ran into. For example, I ws a student (and married) and we were asked everything from if we wanted assistance with birth control to "was this an "oopsie" to an assumption that we would want an abortion. :(

[jul511riv]

I want to add that the family member who asked if she should congratulate us has been aware that we intended on having a large family and were hoping for another soon.

[MrsSurplus]

Originally Posted by jul511riv 

Yep. I got a "so, is a congratulations appropriate?" from a family member, after announcing that we were expecting. I think if I had ACTUALLY SAID "WE ARE SO EXCITED, as we are expecting our 4th..." it might have been different. We are definately keeping the possibility open to have a very large family. As Orthodox Jews, there is actually a lot of support for this in our community, though none of our families are religious so the feeling isn't shared by those most close to us.

But I'm not sure that, while it certainly is an issue, this is limited to those of us with "large families" (can I even consider myself a "larger family with 4?!"). When I was pg with my first, I had all sorts of negative comments from various people that I ran into. For example, I ws a student (and married) and we were asked everything from if we wanted assistance with birth control to "was this an "oopsie" to an assumption that we would want an abortion. :(

1.  On the "so, is a congratulations appropriate?"  Why wouldn't one just assume that congratulations ARE appropriate?  How much better to err on the side of "congratulations" when the baby wasn't as welcomed as it could have been than on the side of "I'm so sorry" when someone is truly happy?  Where else in our culture is it appropriate to be so rude and nosy about such an intimate topic?  I'm sorry that your family member (especially knowing that you wanted a large family) was so callous!

2.  YES - a way larger family in our current culture! 

3.  My sister is a psychologist.  She is in her late 30s and has been in this career for about 6 years.  She and her husband have a 2.5 yo and an 11mo.  When they announced that they were expecting #2 (logical - since she's in her late 30s...  And they had told all of us that they wanted their 2-3 children close together in age as her husband is a SAHD and then, once they were all in school he would re-enter the work-outside-force...) they had negative feedback - kind of like how this was going to really slow down her career, etc...  I just do not know why anyone thinks the size of another person's family is any business of their's whatsoever unless it is truly impacting them.

3.  Religious community support for larger families...  We are very involved in our church but the denomination in which dh has worshipped all his life and I have worshipped in the last 19 years just doesn't have many folks like us.  We have rarely met homeschoolers in our denomination over the past 19 years, no homebirthers, no attachment parents to my knowledge and NO families who allow God to plan their family size.  While I have awesome cyber support, I would give my eye teeth to have a "real life" friend who thinks like we do - or at least that shares some of our ideals.  On the other hand, we have awesome opportunities to challenge the status quo and give people a different perspective than what they're used to!
 

[jul511riv]

yep, that's the real issue, isn't it? The big family is the norm, but when I once went to a neighbor to ask if she might consider making me a meal after I had #3 or taking the kids for one or two afternoons in the week after the baby is born to the park or something so that I could have some recovery time (from my second homebirth) she totally freaked out. She's a mother of 5, herself, but she was like "that's why you send your kids to daycare and school. That's what it's FOR!" She was pretty haughty about it and was absolutely not interested in either making a meal or takign the kids. She felt that this would be a good lesson for me as to why I should have my kids in school. She's a friend, so this was even more weird. As I was leaving her house she was like "and you should start them NOW so that they have plenty of time to get used to it before the baby comes." Sigh.

Yep, we are a vegetarian, homebirthing, cloth diapering, whole foods making, homeschooling family living in the Middle East. There aren't many of us. ;)

[biffer]

Oh man, with the people and their rude comments.

I have twins already so people come up to me all the time and ask if I had infertility issues and really personal things like that. SO RUDE! I usually respond with "no, they are identical which is just a freak thing and fraternal run in my family so it is very possible our next will be multiples too" and they give me this disgusted look like i just sprouted another head. Or the others that drive by insult with "two for the price of one. I guess you are all done then." I can't even imagine the things random people will be saying once i start showing.

DH and I don't have an upper limit and I hate that people tend to look down on anyone with more than 2 as being irresponsible or freaks. Good for you ladies for making your families as large as you want!

[jul511riv]

I really like your answer, though, to the question about your twins. Even though it is none of their business, people ARE really interested in how people got their twins. Maybe this stems from a simpler time when everyone who had twins had them "naturally" and we were able to look around our communities and say "wow, there are a lot of twins lately" or derive some sort of understanding about the phenomon that way. Now, because so many multiples are not "natural" there is a lot of offense taken to the question...understandably because this forces women )and men) to talk about their infertility and there is a lot of stigma attached to that. But still, we want to  know when there are more twins than normal. We want to ask questions about how people got  their twins. Does it run in the fmaily? Was it a shock or surprize? We are still just trying to learn about different stories to see how it might apply to us.

I think it's nice that you honestly and directly answer their questions. Hopefully one of them will answer with the appropriate: "what a blessing!" and leave it at that.

Originally Posted by biffer 

Oh man, with the people and their rude comments.

I have twins already so people come up to me all the time and ask if I had infertility issues and really personal things like that. SO RUDE! I usually respond with "no, they are identical which is just a freak thing and fraternal run in my family so it is very possible our next will be multiples too" and they give me this disgusted look like i just sprouted another head. Or the others that drive by insult with "two for the price of one. I guess you are all done then." I can't even imagine the things random people will be saying once i start showing.

DH and I don't have an upper limit and I hate that people tend to look down on anyone with more than 2 as being irresponsible or freaks. Good for you ladies for making your families as large as you want!

[3surfboys]

we just found out this week that I'm pg with #4 - definitely a shocking surprise, as I'm 40 and dh is due for a V. We are still trying to wrap our heads around it, but we definitely want to present it to our family as positive news rather than a "mistake" we made.  :(   

[mrsteapot]

MrsSurplus, I told my DH what you said about telling people that you are so excited that you are pregnant. He loved it, so when we do start telling, I think that is how we will approach it. Thank you for that :)

Jul511riv, I'm just stunned by your neighbor. I can't even think what to say.

3surfboys, that is the same situation we were in when our current youngest was born! As my sister said to me "Happy 40th Birthday!!"

Biffer, I love twins, I think they are so awesome, but people sure do ask more than they should about them.

[MrsSurplus]

Originally Posted by jul511riv  She's a mother of 5, herself, but she was like "that's why you send your kids to daycare and school. That's what it's FOR!" She was pretty haughty about it and was absolutely not interested in either making a meal or takign the kids. She felt that this would be a good lesson for me as to why I should have my kids in school. She's a friend, so this was even more weird. As I was leaving her house she was like "and you should start them NOW so that they have plenty of time to get used to it before the baby comes." Sigh.

How SAD!!!  I'm so sorry!
 

Originally Posted by biffer 

DH and I don't have an upper limit and I hate that people tend to look down on anyone with more than 2 as being irresponsible or freaks. Good for you ladies for making your families as large as you want!

Thank you!  I know people think of my husband and I as simpletons for having so many kids (perhaps they think we really DON'T know what causes this!    Perhaps, the next time someone says that, I should tell them we're still experimenting to deduce the cause.....)  That is so odd to me.  We are both college educated but because we live an agricultural life, love God passionately, and allow God to plan our family size we're obviously morons.  

Originally Posted by 3surfboys 

we just found out this week that I'm pg with #4 - definitely a shocking surprise, as I'm 40 and dh is due for a V. We are still trying to wrap our heads around it, but we definitely want to present it to our family as positive news rather than a "mistake" we made.  :(   

Good idea - and congratulations!