Would you discipline for this? Should I have in this situation?

[~Amy~]

Yesterday, my 3 yo DS was playing with his best bud (also 3...they're ~6 weeks apart) at our neighbourhood park.  His buddy's mom & I were hanging out on the grass by the sandbox with the younger sibs while the boys dug in the sand.  

At one point, the boys decided they had enough of the sandbox and together headed toward the play structures (at the other end of the park, but not a huge distance...within hollering distance for sure).  Neither said a word to us moms about heading over there, but whatever.  When I'm at the park with my son, he takes the lead.  I leisurely follow him around; as long as I can see him, I'm cool...no need to hover, IMO.  I usually park myself on a bench with the babe & a book & he runs to wherever he likes.  If I feel like he's getting too far away from me, I follow.  

Anyway, so the other mom & I made our way over to the play structures.  I didn't get there as quickly as she did because I was putting my baby back into the carrier and gathering up my stuff.  When I got down there, her DS is sitting in a time out on a bench because he took off to the other end of the park without telling his mom where he was going.  Now, I do understand that it's important for kids to understand that they need to tell adults where they are, but to me, it was pretty obvious where they were going.  I could tell that my son was wondering why his buddy was sitting on the bench and we kinda stood there awkwardly until she allowed him to get up and play again.  I didn't say anything to my son about not wandering off at the park, etc, but got thinking later that perhaps I should have??  We do use time outs with DS (only at home, never have while out), but not as "punishment" per se, more as a way to remove DS from a situation in which he seems unable to control his behaviour.  Anyway, what would you have done in this situation?  

[katelove]

If you son is usually allowed to wander around the park without checking with you first then I think it would be really unfair to punish him for doing it this time. I think I would have done what you did and felt awkward about it as well.

[ameliabedelia]

I think this is just one of those "different families have different rules" things and that is it. I think just about every parent has been in situations where they let their kids do something other parents don't or they don't let their kid do something other parents do.   It is awkward though, that's for sure!

[mamazee]

You don't have to punish for something because someone else has a rule, and it would have confused him and been unfair to punish him this time when he's usually allowed to wander to the other side of the playground. I think you were fine. Do you think the mom expected you to punish your ds? It is awkward when you're out with friends and they have different rules.

[Katwoman]

I agree with the others, you follow your rules whether they are more or less strict than playmates rules.  It's only fair to keep things consistent. 

How we handle situations like that is, I say to my child "x and his mommy need some privacy right now, lets go over here until they're done".  Not loud and pointedly, just calmly and quietly as I'm directing my child a distance away.  That way the child in time out doesn't feel "stared at" and you guys don't have to feel awkward about being in the middle of something that's not really an issue for you. 

[swd12422]

Exactly what they said. We have been in similar situations. Sometimes my son is the one in "time out" for not following the rules, sometimes it's another kid whose rules are more strict/different than ours. Any time it happens, the kid who isn't in trouble gets the explanation that the other kid wasn't being a good listener/following his mommy's rules, and they go off to play and wait til the punishment is over. It never lasts particularly long anyway, so it's not a big deal.