Did you get to make any decisions in the hospital? - Page 5

[mama2evazoe]

Have read the article about female genital mutilation on mothering.com ?  Perhaps that would be helpful. I lucked out and the man that I had boys twins with was intact so I didn't have to convince him about the pro side of leaving the boys intact. on the other hand I've had to fight with him about breastfeeding past 3months. He's older and black and he's family was all amazed that I nursed my babies at all much less past 3months and twins no less. Now they are 18months and I just keep very quiet that they are still nursing.....

You could just adopt a girl and then it wouldn't be an issue. 

But the info on this site is very good for pro intact boys and girls. Perhaps reading about the function of the foreskin would help?

[MilkbarMom]

As others have said, the baby belongs to the birthmother in the hospital.  But this is where really good communication come into place.  Sit down and talk with her as much as you can.  We made a birth plan with our sons birth mother.  She respected our wishes about circ, because she said it was up to us, since we would be caring for his "parts".  :)  When we talked about vaccination, we explained that we would like to delay, and not receive HepB at birth, and she was okay with that.  Again, it was all about communication.  We also agree that she would breastfeed the baby in the hospital, and she new my plans to nurse him as well.  We helped her through labor and delivery, I helped her to latch him on and get him nursing well.  It was a team effort, and we now have a great relationship :) 

[AllyRae]

I'm pretty sure she's already matched.  And holy cow, a foreskin isn't a do or die issue...certainly not worth giving up a little boy one plans to adopt.  This is kind of sad that this even got mentioned as an option... :(
 

You could just adopt a girl and then it wouldn't be an issue. 

[WifeMomChiro]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

I'm pretty sure she's already matched.  And holy cow, a foreskin isn't a do or die issue...certainly not worth giving up a little boy one plans to adopt.  This is kind of sad that this even got mentioned as an option... :(
 

Yes, I'm already matched and have no plans to lose this baby boy over foreskin.  I'm honestly sorry that I asked this here.  Live and learn.  

Ironically, the vaccine was not even an issue.  While I don't really like lying, our agency suggested just saying that we plan to delay the vaccine until we are home with our own pediatrician.  

[CrazyCatLady]

Except...that it is lying if you really have no plans on vaccinating that baby later. :-/

I'm sorry the responses here haven't been exactly what you were looking for.  I still wish you all the best.  But some of things that your agency is saying/doing really makes me question their ethics here.  I would hate to see people get hurt in the end over issues that could have and should have been dealt with before a match was even made. 

Originally Posted by WifeMomChiro 

Yes, I'm already matched and have no plans to lose this baby boy over foreskin.  I'm honestly sorry that I asked this here.  Live and learn.  

Ironically, the vaccine was not even an issue.  While I don't really like lying, our agency suggested just saying that we plan to delay the vaccine until we are home with our own pediatrician.  

[excitedtobeamom]

WifeMomChiro-Don't let this discussion turn you away from this board.  We are a passionate group around here-wow!

I have to say I wouldn't lie about the vaccination if you have no intention of vaccination.  Our agency said to bring it up if we weren't planning on vaccinating but our match went so fast that it never was brought up.  We actually selectively vaccinate but the hospital was willing to work with us on the Hep. B since the birthparents said that it was up to us.  You don't ever want to lie and you will get caught in a lie if you have an open adoption.  How icky is it to lie to someone who is so vunerable.  I bet it won't matter to her at all that you don't want to vaccinate.  I agree that some of things your agency is saying is a little unethical.

Best of luck!  I can't wait to hear how your story unfolds.  We are so in love with our 3 month old who came by way of a local domestic adoption.

[BlueSkyDay]

I'm anti-circ but let my husband make the decision about whether or not to circ our son, provided he did some reading and research.  I figured that there are a lot of decisions that I'll want to make as the mom of a daughter that my husband just won't be as in on.  One of his pro-circ arguments was that he thought his son should look like him, and "like the other guys in the locker room" but when he chatted with his own dad about whether or not to circumcize, his dad (baby's grandfather) told him that he himself was not circumsized.  That took a lot of the wind out of my husband's interest in circumcizing - that it had never mattered one bit that he and his own father were different.  My husband ended up deciding against circumcision prior to our son's birth.   In the 2 years since then we've seen the circ rate continue to drop (to 35-50%) and this has made my husband feel "vindicated" - he'd make the same no-circ choice again since the "locker room" argument doesn't hold any longer either.

As an aside, once my son was born he was in intensive care for 6 weeks due to an unexpected complication.  Seeing all of the medical intervention, tubes, ventilators, medications, etc that our newborn was (necessarily) subjected to, my husband said that even if he'd originally decided pro-circ he would have changed his mind.  He knew he couldn't have put that little baby through one more bit of trauma.

[oldhippiemom52]

 When my boys were born 25 and 21 years ago, circumcision was not being questioned.....or it might have been just the very beginning and no one really gave it a second thought.  It was just what you did.  If I were expecting now, I'm sure I would question it very carefully, if not totally forbid it.  But to reassure, my kids are both just fine.  No sexual problems or other issues pertaining  to it.  What I do think is almost worse, though, is the tradition of the faith I was born into which makes a religious ceremony of it when a baby boy is about 8 days old.  That is about the most barbaric thing I can imagine and never would have gone along with it.  One of many reasons why I practice spirituality instead of religion.

[objet_trouve]

Not a suggestion, but this is how we came to our decision:

I guess my husband was pro-circ once, never came up...then I made him watch the Penn and Teller episode on it, and I think that's what lead to him becoming very anti-circ. Had he pushed for pro, I would have gone back on birth control and made him wear condoms for the rest of our marriage (or until he would change his mind). No husband of mine is going to put my kid through unnecessary surgery! If I can't trust him not to let random people cut my child up, how can I trust him to ever care for a child?

So after he saw the episode and he told me how mad it made him, I gave him a hug and told him I'm glad I don't have to go back on BC and can continue TTC. I think he was proud of me for that.

I think talking to your husband is going to depend entirely on why he wants it done. Cosmetic? Religion? Misinformation about hygiene or disease? Perhaps you could ask him about his background with the subject, ask about his feelings. Be sure the setting is very relaxed for that conversation, somewhere private, comfortable and safe. If he's circ'd himself, hearing about the neg affects might make him insecure about his body, his sex life, etc. If he's not circ'd, he could be haunted with memories of being bullied for it (which is not a reason to circ, since kids can be cruel, and can find something to make fun of in even the most average looking child, but those kinds of memories are hard to see past sometimes), or old fears that he wouldn't find a girl who liked him (which is BS of course, but you might not know from watching television).

Those are my thoughts anyway. He may require more gentleness than you'd think. There could be all kinds of trauma and fear in there keeping him away from making good decisions.
Edited by objet_trouve - 7/5/11 at 2:26am

[WifeMomChiro]

You will be glad to know that he remained intact.  I pleaded my case and cried (real tears).  Bdad immediately said he no longer wanted to do it.  Bmom said she still thought circumcision was a good idea but she would leave it up to me.  She had already signed the consent for it to be done, but she told them not to do it because I didn't want it.

[swd12422]

That's wonderful!! (Both that he remained intact and that he's here!!!) So happy for all of you.

[lauren]

Sounds like a very intense time for all of you. sending hugs!

[Smithie]

Congratulations! Good job, both mamas!

[smeep]

Congrats, mama! Glad to hear EVERYONE is happy - bioparents, you guys AND the sweet baby who gets to remain healthy and whole! 

[Mom31]

This is so sad...

Originally Posted by Smithie 

That said, if I were the adoptive mom, I would make the REQUEST on behalf of my son that his birthmother not circ him. I would also convey that request to the attending pediatrician, nursery staff, etc. I would want everybody to be crystal clear that I didn't want circ performed. Depending on the timeline, the birthmother could request circ and a sympathetic doctor and staff could find a reason not to do to in the first few days of life, before she signs the papers. If you don't make you feelings known, then neither the birthmother nor the hospital staff will have a chance to take your feelings into consideration. They may choose not to - but they will have the chance, if you communicate. 

[Mom31]

... healthy and whole and happy? I highly doubt the birthmom is happy right now... . She just reliquished rights to her baby.

CONGRATS on your new son. I am so happy he remained intact.!  I wish you a great life with him.
 

Originally Posted by smeep 

Congrats, mama! Glad to hear EVERYONE is happy - bioparents, you guys AND the sweet baby who gets to remain healthy and whole!