Update: Retention of a 2E child - has anyone done this? - Page 2

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by domesticidyll 

Would it be possible for the junior high to seed his class or classes with supportive friends he already has, in the same way that has been discussed if he is retained?

This. Having friends in place is the best insulation against bullying and social exclusion (I have no experience with speech therapy or retention, but a lot with bullying and social exclusion...). As he wants to be with his friends so badly, having to be retained and losing the ones he has might really shatter his confidence and be counterproductive. And being retained may make him stand out more.

If you tried the middle school and it didn't work out, could you, as a worst case scenario, just pull him to be homeschooled, work hard on the speech and comprehension issues and try the same grade again next year?

[carmel23]

I haven't read the entire thread, and I don't know if this has been mentioned but I would not retain him.  First of all, I think retaining will actually add to the anxiety and possibly create a sense of failure-- "there is something scary about middle school, and I couldn't do it."  Especially if he doesn't want to do it-- that is a huge part of whether retention would work or not.  If he doesn't want to do it is will not be successful at all. 

I think with middle school you just need to dive in.  In a sense it is a good place to be a misfit, because everyone feels like one at some point in that age group.  Is there a drama or artistic group at the school?  Can you try to make connections with those kids now?  The kids who value being different, and actually find it to be a badge of honor? 

[LauraLoo]

I appreciate the responses -- we've had a busy holiday weekend with festivities.  I'll come back when I have a chance to ponder in a more relaxed mode.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by joensally 

LauraLoo, how do the kids interpret his slow to respond style?  I wonder if there's a rep he could cultivate to mask it?  Like he's the quiet guy or something?  Could you equip him with some standard responses that he could use to bridge the lag time between input and response, broader than the standard "hmmm" or "ummm" many, many people use?

I'm not sure how the kids interpret his slow to respond style -- I've been able to watch him a few times in the past, and he'll start to make fleeting eye contact and begin mumbling.  I think it might be a very good idea to coach him specifically on this. 
 

Originally Posted by Tigerle 

This. Having friends in place is the best insulation against bullying and social exclusion (I have no experience with speech therapy or retention, but a lot with bullying and social exclusion...). As he wants to be with his friends so badly, having to be retained and losing the ones he has might really shatter his confidence and be counterproductive. And being retained may make him stand out more.

If you tried the middle school and it didn't work out, could you, as a worst case scenario, just pull him to be homeschooled, work hard on the speech and comprehension issues and try the same grade again next year?

I think this might be a very good plan A with fall back plan B.  My fear would be that if we had to exercise plan B, he'd feel like a failure and his self esteem would take a severe nose dive.  But we could cross that bridge if we had to.

carmel23 - I couldn't get your post to quote, but I think we are late to the dance in trying to find other kids who value being different and fostering those relationships before school starts.  However, I think it would be a great idea to mention to the psychologist and counselor so they could begin to foster some of those friendships.  There is definitely a comfort and safety zone with more friends.

On another note -- after a whole year of wanting to be in school and being very vocal about moving on with his friends, this past week ds decided that he wants to be homeschooled next year.  His reasons are that he's scared to go to middle school, thinks there will be a bunch of bullies there (we have never mentioned our concern with bullying to him - so not sure why he's feeling this now,) and he feels safe with me.  I don't necessarily feel that we've heard the last of this, though, and I don't want him to make this type of a decision out of fear and anxiety about the unknown.  I told him that we don't have to make a final decision about that right now.  It does open the door for a more open conversation with him about the pros and cons of each choice - retention, promotion or homeschooling - when he's calmed down a bit.

[joensally]

Oh, that's tough.  We're going through similar stuff here with not being willing to participate in any formal summer activities because he finds it hard to manage his sensory stuff and he doesn't have any history with anyone there.  He's also a bit cautious about next year, because while it will be the same school, he will be going into a classroom with 60% more kids than this year.

I've thought about this dilemma of yours every time I've seen your thread title.  In your shoes, I'm pretty sure I'd move him onto middle school as I think similar  risks exist in both places (ie what if he doesn't make friends within the particular group of kids moving up), but the other risks of holding him back are pretty overwhelming to me.

As for homeschooling...I can totally relate to the dilemma with this one too.  I've always figured DS would come home again in grade 4 or 5.  It's hard, because there are distinct benefits for the child in each situation.

[LauraLoo]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support and comments.  Unless something drastic happens in the next month, we are planning on having him move on to middle school with a fall back plan of homeschooling.  I've been able to set up a great support network - new psychologist (who is awesome!) and have secured the services of a tutor who really gets ds and can help him with school work by translating the requirements into a way that ds naturally learns.  I feel like this is the first time that we have all the right people surrounding and supporting ds.  It's a huge, huge relief.  

[purslaine]

Nice!

[Linda on the move]

Wonderful !

Keep us posted how it goes. We are cheering him on!

[LauraLoo]

Well, it's been a very long time since I've posted -- but it's been an interesting year.  The long story short is that, ds is doing just great  :)   We had a bit of a bumpy start, but academically and socially, he's done quite well, and has received a school award.....

Interestingly enough, even though he's doing well academically, he isn't liking school nearly as much as he did last year.  He only has one 15 min. recess per day, so the rest of his time at school is very structured, and that limits the day to day contact with his friends.  He seems to tolerate school - doesn't complain too much anymore.   I think we'll likely always be at odds with how he'd prefer to learn versus what the school expects. His academic coach has been a blessing this year and she's kept him engaged with other projects where he really shines.  As it has always been since he was very little, ds seems to know what and how to do things on his own, in his own time.  I don't think in a formal academic setting that he'll ever be able to demonstrate how much really goes on in his head, and this, of course, makes me wonder what course his education will take going forward.   

It would have been a huge mistake to have retained him.  While I think the school offered a possible alternative that might have helped some kids, it definitely wouldn't have made a difference for my ds.  He doesn't need an extra year to mature, he needs something different than what school can give him.  

[RiverTam]

Excellent!

[Tigerle]

Very happy for you both.

[joensally]

That is such great news!  Thank you for updating; I've been wondering.