What would you do?

[lovelylisa]

Hi ladies..I don't really have anyone to ask this question to and I'm not really good at making decisions right now so I hope you can help me.

Everyone is just telling me "whatever you decide to do" but  well, that doesn't help :)

I just found out that my uncle passed away this morning. My family lives a good 6 hour drive away in a rural area so the only way I can really get there is to drive.  My husband does not have any time he can take off of work so he likely will not be able to go to the funeral with me if I can go.  I have a 2 year old son who I may be able to secure a sitter for 2 days while DH is at work and a baby who  will be 2 weeks old on Wednesday, and on top of this I'm still recovering from the csection both physically and mentally.

My question is- I'm not going anywhere without the baby.  Would you take a young baby on a trip like this? It's a 6 hour drive which with feeding every two hours-- probably comes to 8ish hours.  Would you bring the two year old without help? (I'm really sore and can't chase after him very well). It breaks my heart to not be there for my dad  but I don't know if I can do it. What would you do?

[ArcticRose]

It would make me sad, but I wouldn't go. You need to be fully recovered before you take on something like this and, imo, it just hasn't been long enough since you had major surgery. The last thing you want is to prolong your recovery period when you have two kids to take care of! I have a two year old and will have an infant here shortly, and I'll (hopefully) be having a natural birth... and I think that it would be too soon for me to make a trip like that.

Don't be hard on yourself, I'm sure your family will understand.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[guatemama1]

I agree with Arctic Rose. Although my 1st thought was that I would go - because I tend to not think through my decisions :) - I think AR is right and I would take the advice to not push too much right now. Sorry for your loss... uncles are some of my favorite people

[Gismobabe]

I would not go. If he were dying and requesting your presence, I might go but you know what: he wont care and you can calm your dad on the phone since during a funeral everyone is so busy, he probably wont even have time.

[SuburbanHippie]

No way would I go if I were you.  I don't think anyone will think badly of you for staying home either.  You *just* had a baby, not to mention it included major surgery.  You really need to think about how much strain this is going to put on you and your newborn.  That's a long trip for both of you.

[lovelylisa]

Thanks everyone!  I really don't want to make the trek by myself. My brother has offered to take me and DH might actually be off if they end up having the funeral late in the week. I still dont know if I'm up for that kind of trip yet.

[matte]

That sounds like a very physically stressful thing to do at this point. I would worry about how long it would take to recover from the effort, even if nothing went really wrong at the time. Sounds really exhausting. I think you should stay home, perhaps call during the reception if you can.... people will understand!

[tourist.]

I agree with the pp's.  Even with your brother and DH present, it's too soon after birth, and major surgery, to travel such a distance.  Recovery is most important at this point.  I agree about trying to call during the reception, that would be a nice gesture.

[mumofmak]

I agree with the others - physically but also emotionally - it's putting a lot on yourself right now. I would stay home and recover and grieve in my own way. Maybe invite your dad down to stay with you for a little while a few days after the funeral is finished?? and send a little letter for your brother to read on your behalf or something like that. Everyone will understand why you're not there, I'm sure.

Take care of yourself. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this on top of adjusting to your own life at the moment.  Best wishes.

[azzeps]

I would only remotely consider going if someone else were going to do all the driving and 2-year-old wrangling.  Even so, you are still recovering, and I don't think it's a good idea.  In the early days and weeks of c-section recovery, it doesn't take much to throw you off course, in my opinion.  and people will understand why you are not there.  They will.

[lovelylisa]

You guys are all SO right. I just ran around today doing a bunch of errands and I have been feeling  terrible all night. I can't make this trip as much as I want to.

Thanks guys, you are all so helpful once again. :)