Cosleeping and Clueless, HELP!

[theonlygina]

Hey Families!

I am desperate for some answers to some cosleeping prayers! Getting our son to
fall asleep takes FOREVER!

We are a cosleeping family, and we love it. My sweet baby boy just turned 2
years old a couple of days ago. Sleeping together as a family was the only
thought in our minds that felt right after he was born and it has been amazing.
However, as he is getting older, I feel less intuition about the subject and not
sure where to go from here when problems arise.

We love cosleeping and sharing a family bed. The trouble we are having is
putting him to sleep. After about 18 months, I had just about had it with
nursing him to sleep. As most of you know how frustrating that can be when you
are literally spending an hour a night just to get them to sleep! (after a full
MAMA day!) We developed a pretty awesome bedtime routine and now I nurse him outside of
the bedroom before bed and his father stays with him until he falls asleep.

By now, my husband is pretty frustrated with putting him to sleep and being in
the bed with him for an hour (sometimes more) until he falls asleep. Not sure
what to do.....Is there anyone out there that has the same issues? Where do we
go from here?

How do you transition a toddler who has always been parented to sleep to going
to sleep on his own? Is he even developmentally ready to do that?
What is the next compassionate and logical step in our attachment parenting
style of sleep parenting? Where do we go from here?

Any help/ideas/experiences would be so greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
Gina

[Kobaby]

DS is still only 7 months, but I am curious to get a glimpse of our possible future!

[Mama_of_1]

Are you doing the whole bedtime routine with quite household, etc.?   Is he sleepy?  Still digesting dinner? 

What about sitting next to the bed rather than on the bed while he goes to sleep?  Then slowly, ever a period of weeks, start moving farther and farther away until he's ok with the distance and gets used to falling asleep without someone right there next to him?  I imagine the first few nights would be different for him but he would realize that daddy isn't going anywhere and that he's ok to let go of the day.

[theonlygina]

We certainly try our best to wind down and after a certain time lights are lowered and everyone is calm. He is definitely sleepy. We have tried moving bedtime up and down to see what is best with no luck either way. My husband doesn't get home until 5:45 and hopefully, on a good day I would have started dinner already, but most nights we eat dinner as early as possible and then head straight to the bedtime routine. We have a pretty solid routine.  Do you think we should wait a little longer after dinner to try and put him to bed? Its so hard when you want to sit down for a family dinner meal and its already getting late into the evening, we certainly can tell when he gets overtired when we have waited too long. 

I like you idea of sitting next to the bed. Do you think 24 months old is too young to do that with?

Gina

[friskykitty]

I can only tell you that this did not work for us.  We are still laying down beside him and waiting for him to fall asleep.  It's about 30-60 min on an average night.  My little one is 3.5 years old.  I am trying to night wean him now (he wakes 1-2 times in the night) and make him sleep on the bed beside my bed.  He hates it and expresses his displeasure.  :(  I need sleep though!  Let me know if you find a way to teach him to fall asleep on his own.

[WildinTheory]

Unfortunately, I don't have any great advice.  My son was four when I just could not take laying down with him any longer.  We started with me laying down with him for 10 minutes and then leaving.  I stressed all the warm cozy things he had to make him comfortable and happy (his bunny, bear, star turtle, blanket, pillow etc).  Although he wasn't excited about the idea, the transition was certainly easier since he was older.  I don't think it would have been possible for him at two.  We were just thankful to get him to sleep period at that point. 

I guess there are two possibilities: the first is that having you around is making it harder for him to sleep.  If so, the more independent sleeping might be the ticket.  If however, he's genuinely having a hard time falling asleep, I think it might be hard to expect him to navigate that on his own.  The good news is there WILL be a time when he can fall asleep alone, it just might not be as soon as you'd like.

[Mama_of_1]

Your DS could be trying to get in some extra play time with Daddy...  If you go straight from dinner to bedtime routine, then maybe he's feeling like he doesn't get enough "Daddy" time and forces it at bedtime...  Do you have the same challenges on the days when your DH is off from work?  Maybe try having some play time when DH gets home, then eat dinner, then start the bedtime wind down...

The thing we do religiously with our DD (I nurse her down then unlatch her so she has to roll over and finish falling asleep on her own) is have a dark room.  The only light in the room is from the lit circle around the volume knob on our radio receiver for our bedtime music and the lit display on the mp3 player as it's plugged in.  That's it.

Does your DS have a lovie that he could hold as he's drifting off that will comfort him?  A non-drip sippy cup with water?  I'm brainstorming...  You may have to experiment with one change at a time for a week and see what might work...  Some kids are readily adaptable and others are pretty strong-willed. 

Keep trying different things...