I'm not sure if this is PPD.

[Beauchamp]

Hi All. 2 1/2 weeks PP here. I hate to bookmark this forum, but I wonder if I need to be here, and think maybe I do. I'm crying every day. I feel like DH isn't helping me enough, like he doesn't see me, he doesn't see my needs or how much I am doing to take care of our baby son day and night. The baby naps on me, nurses at night, cosleeps (which I love, but it also hurts my body), has been taking a paci when all else fails, which makes me feel like a failure because I was always a "no paci person" and now my baby seems to need one and is comforted by it and I worrying about early weaning.

I have no appetite. I don't even care if I drink water. I could forget about food, except that I am nursing my little one, and for him I am eating and drinking so I can continue to make milk for him. Mostly nothing in the fridge looks good to me at all. Just...blah. I'd rather not get a plate dirty to eat something I don't feel like eating. When I was PG it felt so good to crave something and then eat it and feel soooo good.

I feel so sad. Alone. Overwhelmed by my 2 yo. I love my newborn beyond words and don't feel any negative feelings toward him at all. He is keeping me going.

p.s. he is awake....gotta run, but please advise if you can, mamas. I need some support.

[mami2f3]

Oh honey. I am sorry no one has responded yet. You are not alone, but it is sooo overwhelming. I hope you mention your feelings to your doctor or your baby's doctor. It is such a hard transition and you are really in the thick of it. It's been a while since you posted, but I hope you are finding some people that can step in and lend you a hand. This is the time to ask. Do not be shy about asking. If you are not sure what to ask for, just tell a friend you need her to call and check on you every day. fidn someone who can come by and hold the baby while you shower. 

Paci isn't failure. My #1 took it and did not wean early. I went to lactation consultants because he would suck for sooooo long and my nipples were always bleeding (to where it came out in his poo!). They said paci and I did and all went much better. 

Do keep eating a drinking for him. Follow a diet. that way even if you don't want food you know you are staying strong and helping your body recover which will also hugely support your abilities to weather this emotional storm. You will get through. 

[Beauchamp]

Thanks for your post. It's kind of depressing to post in the PPD forum and get no response! I know there are people out there with bigger issues than me and that I should feel fortunate, but it can be very hard some days to remember the positive. I've started taking St. Johns Wort to help with depression, and I think it might be working a little bit. Also, our DS is now on a small dose of Zantac to help with his reflux, which seems to have helped him a lot. He still gets pretty upset at night, but not nearly as much. I just need to figure out how to soothe him--- DD would nurse for hours and it always helped her. DS will only comfort nurse randomly, and not for very long before he pops off and is upset. I don't think he's very good at slowing down the milk as much as he'd like it to be.

I'm sad because he's already 6 weeks old, and time is flying. I want to enjoy this time, and I'm sad because I feel overwhelmed and feeling this way is making me miss out on enjoying this time, if that makes any sense.

[FischK]

Beauchamp, I don't have much advice right now, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this. 

Are you feeling better at this point? Or is it still a struggle?

[Beauchamp]

Oh, it's still a struggle for sure. I am trying to be very positive and focus on learning to babywear all day long for naps, etc. My son has been sleeping a lot during the day (worn or in my lap) and waking up quite a bit at night. I think maybe I am cursed with bad sleepers. He is one of those babies that wakes instantly when moved/transferred. Occasionally I can get him from a carrier into the swing, but not often.

Today I have a huge headache, so I'm sorry my thoughts are all over the map. My 2yo is driving me batty. DH left work on time, but went running, so he's home late.

I'm struggling with playing with my 2yo/finding indoor things to do, getting her to be quiet when the baby sleeps...and the baby not staying asleep unless worn...my body aching...sleep deprivation...feeding everyone...and generally feeling like I am missing the mark nearly every day.

Also our king size memory foam mattress is totally crappy. The foam is sagging. I sleep in a long hole! It's so much harder to nurse side lying in a crappy bed.

[featherstory]

If I could give some advice: fruit smoothies!!!  I lived on fruit smoothies in those first few months when it matters so much... it is important to enjoy your food and eat enough and stay hydrated enough.  These things can drastically change the way you feel and the quality of your milk, which could make baby sleep better... but the first three months can be tough, however being carbed up and hydrated can really make it all seem much easier.  ((sending supportive vibes))

[McGucks]

Hi Beauchamp!  You might like to hear this...I felt like a failure because DS2 didn't take a pacifier!  We are awfully hard on ourselves for SO many reasons!

I just have a moment, but whether you truly have PPD or not...give yourself credit for having an extremely exhausting job and you are doing it on so little sleep!  The early months of parenting are BY FAR the hardest parenting I have lived through (I have a 16 year old, too, so that's saying something).

I hear you on loving co-sleeping but it hurting...we sleep with our almost 17 month old, and I wake up sore a lot from weird night positions, night nursing, etc.

Do you have any mom friends, LLL group access, etc.?  Any family that could be of help (some family "help" isn't very helpful, I know)?  Getting out of the house, social contact of some kind and taking walks helped me a whole lot with my PPD.  I was also "lucky" enough to have a DH who was unemployed for a time after our LO was born and he was so helpful with FOOD.  I didn't need help with the baby.  I needed food and sleep.  I also needed, frankly, a cheerleader to tell me I was a good mom since I felt so rotten all the time.

I found the early months of parenting a newborn to be very isolating and depressing in many ways, plus it is physically exhausting.  Remember that any other job where a person is on call (unpaid, of course) 24/7 would be unheard of, right?  So why do we expect it to be so blissful?  IT IS HARD!

Gotta go...toddler on the loose.  PM me if you'd like...I hope things are easing up a bit for you!