homeschool preschooler what is the difference between doing to much and doing what he wants?

[mamaprovides]

My son is three. He has always been a very serious child. Not giddy or silly. He sleeps cuddling books on a regular basis and despite the 7 or 8 stuffed animals he has he always wants books. There are always like 7 or 8 books in the beds and they bring him comfort and joy. He is also very independent.He isn't a typical silly 3yr old. I use to worry but now I'm cool with it. He pretends to read books. He pretends to read and to sound out words. But kid you not, he sounded out the WEST  (on the Westsoy container)...I don't know how we never say westsoy.

We are doing his preschool at home and quite possibly 50% of his curriculum once he is in elementary school (not willing to think past that).

We do "table work" 2-3 times per week. Coloring, cutting, so on. I always ask what he wants to do before hand and if he doesn't feel like doing table work I put it off another day. He gets LOTS of time to explore on his own. We always explore topics he wants to explore until he moves onto other things.

He now wants to read on his own and write things. I have some sight word flash cards we review whenever he wants. We practice the sight words in board books he has out grown. We practice writing letters in sand but he prefers with a dry erase board. In drawings he always writes letters...mostly I L H A sometimes exclusively. I never encourage or discourage this kind of thing. I believe he is more montassori then, say, waldorf (my daughter).

I recently have come across articles that warn against doing too much too soon. I agree with almost everything they have to say. If this was my daughter, yes hands down too much too fast. But my son is...different.

Questions (finally): Is he doing too much too soon? If so, what should he be doing? What is the difference between teaching him this stuff and pushing this stuff? Should I slow him down and push him to discover other aspects of preschool life instead? Is he the exception to the rule? Is he feeding off me and his perception of my desire to have read and write quickly? How do I tell the difference? Is my home not stimulating enough?

Thank you

[LuxPerpetua]

I have a dd who is 5.5 and sounds quite similar.   I have never done a formal pre-K curriculum with her but rather have just sought having a very involved sort of homelife.  To me, you can feel when your child is stressed--erratic and difficult behaviors, verbal cues, poor sleep.  I think some children are just more serious and introverted than others, and my child is one of these.  She doesn't play in the ways a lot of her friends play. Instead of acting out things with a dollhouse, she makes up poetry in her head.  She loves to mix different soaps, climb, and jump.  She also loves to flip through books and make her own books.  At 5.5 she is teaching herself to read.  She has never asked for me to "teach" her to read.  I think she's just always assumed that she would learn on her own, and she is.  She asks what different letters spell, etc.  I think at this age what is "appropriate" is very subjective if your child is happy and non-stressed.  For our family I figure that dd has plenty of years ahead of lesson work so I have never instituted any regular seat-work.  I just always figured that now it's nice to have the freedom for both of us to NOT do that, ykwim?  She gets a few puzzle magazines regularly in the mail, so when she's wanting something to do while I shower or chop vegetables or something, I pull those out.  They are also great for car-rides, but I don't use them with any sort of regularity so dd has never felt "forced" or anything.  This Fall we start her kindy year and that's pretty much going to be Little Acorn Learning, which is crafts/songs/stories, games/puzzles, and read-alouds.  I like to keep learning as 3-dimensional and holistic as possible because that is what we both enjoy best.

As to what constitutes pushing versus teaching, I think teaching becomes pushing when you push the boundaries of your child's comfort level. When your child is stressed and you coerce or force them to do something anyway, that is pushing, and I think this is always counterproductive.  I think if you are sensitive to your child's internal stress gauge, follow his lead, and just look for lots of fun things to do, you're doing great.  What I try to do consciously is provide lots of gross-motor activities for dd--lots of time outside for running, jumping, climbing, swimming, bike-riding, etc.  So many young kids don't get this anymore.  We like to immerse ourselves in the seasons, and feel connected to the earth.  I try to provide lots of opportunities to physically dig into the seasons--crafting, doing seasonal activities (like sledding, swimming, gardening), read seasonal books and do fingerplays.  That has really helped ground us and makes me feel like I'm doing "something" without overdoing it.  Reading about Waldorf rhythms has helped tremendously.  Maybe just bringing consciousness to incorporating lots of crafting, painting, and fun into his life--like once or twice a week have a painting and craft day--will help encourage this.

Best wishes!  Your son sounds like a really smart and engaging little guy!

[SundayCrepes]

All the research I read says that at this age kids should play, play, play and I'm a firm believer in that and go out of my way to provide as many playmates for my kids as possible.

However, kids are individuals. My son LOVES documentaries and youtube's How it's Made. We limit him to a couple hours a day because he does need more to life than just documentaries. But I've been looking for more options for him because he loves it so much. And the way he talks about what he learns makes it apparent he has a deep need to know so much stuff.

Plus our son is well rounded. He will pick up artwork on his own. He plays well with other kids and his little sister. He likes spending time with the chickens, etc. It's not like he is only about documentaries.

So I say let your son lead what he wants to learn. If you think he doesn't play well enough with other kids or whatever, then focus more time so he gets opportunities. 

And check out www.starfall.com (I don't think I saw that in your post.) It's a great online phonics/reading site.

[tankgirl73]

I agree... It's not too tricky to tell when you're pushing, as long as you're honest with yourself.  One thing I try to do is make sure to "push" the NON academic stuff... and relax and only do academic stuff when she asks for it.  I'm not 100% with that, of course!  I'm excited that she's precocious in that way and I'll often ask "hey, want to do some math?"  Usually she says "Yes!!!  Math, yay!!" so I'm not worried that it's pushing heh... 

My daughter was reading simple C-V-C words when she was 3.  The suggestion I'd give for this is to not worry about any particular schedule for their reading PROGRESS.  In my daughter's case, she made that leap very early, but kind of didn't progress from that at all (other than getting quicker and more fluent) until she turned 4.  She's now 4.5 and is progressing by leaps and bounds, but it's a recent development -- she went through a long period of not WANTING to try reading, whether we suggested it or not.  So we didn't push it at all.  All of a sudden, she became all keen on it again.  

I also started doing 'formal' math with her when she was 3.5yo.  We're using RightStart, level A, which is technically a kindergarten-level program.  After introducing it to her, we then only proceeded with lessons when she wanted to -- no particular schedule.  We might do one lesson over several days then nothing for 3 weeks, or 5 lessons in a for over a week then nothing for 2 months... Just whatever seemed to make sense.  If she struggled with a particular concept/lesson, I'd wait awhile and try it again later -- usually she'd pick it up right away the next time, it had had a chance to digest and percolate in her brain.  :)  But the main thing was, again, no particular expectation of a SCHEDULE of PROGRESS.  Just because we were starting "early" didn't mean we were going to finish early.  We probably will, but we might not.

We're now more than halfway through the level, and she'd only be starting K this fall if she were in school.  Actually, she's a December birthday so we might even have had the option to wait until next year for K!  So we probably are still going to finish 'early' despite our VERY relaxed schedule.

I also am very influenced by Waldorf and Montessori philosophies.  My DD is much less 'serious' than your DS by the sounds of it -- she's very creative and imaginative and SILLY.  So the fanciful fairy stories aspect of Waldorf is working well with her right now - whereas I was very Montessori with her in her toddler years (lots of Practical activities, self-directed wooden sorting toys, etc).  Keeping these Waldorf ideas helps me keep the balance, that she's getting LOTS of free play time (98% of her day), outdoor time, she's got her playsilks, we do 'circle time' with a candle and poems and songs (which she LOVES) -- so it's not just 'academics' when we "do school".  This satisfies my "I have a gifted kid and I want to DO STUFF with her" excited mom drive, without 'ruining' her heh...

I know that I was a 'gifted kid' -- I taught myself to read when I was 3 and was reading newspaper articles fluently by kindergarten.  I would not have been 'ruined' by early academics, I would have eaten it up and LOVED it.  So I'm pretty confident that as long as you're making sure that their primary focus is independent play and exploration, then OFFERING academics to their level of interest is fine.  Keeping the Montessori idea of following their natural drives -- if they're CHOOSING academic activities, then it's what their development is ready for.  :)

[CrunchyMama19]

Originally Posted by tankgirl73 

I agree... It's not too tricky to tell when you're pushing, as long as you're honest with yourself.  One thing I try to do is make sure to "push" the NON academic stuff... and relax and only do academic stuff when she asks for it.  I'm not 100% with that, of course!  I'm excited that she's precocious in that way and I'll often ask "hey, want to do some math?"  Usually she says "Yes!!!  Math, yay!!" so I'm not worried that it's pushing heh... 

My daughter was reading simple C-V-C words when she was 3.  The suggestion I'd give for this is to not worry about any particular schedule for their reading PROGRESS.  In my daughter's case, she made that leap very early, but kind of didn't progress from that at all (other than getting quicker and more fluent) until she turned 4.  She's now 4.5 and is progressing by leaps and bounds, but it's a recent development -- she went through a long period of not WANTING to try reading, whether we suggested it or not.  So we didn't push it at all.  All of a sudden, she became all keen on it again.  

I also started doing 'formal' math with her when she was 3.5yo.  We're using RightStart, level A, which is technically a kindergarten-level program.  After introducing it to her, we then only proceeded with lessons when she wanted to -- no particular schedule.  We might do one lesson over several days then nothing for 3 weeks, or 5 lessons in a for over a week then nothing for 2 months... Just whatever seemed to make sense.  If she struggled with a particular concept/lesson, I'd wait awhile and try it again later -- usually she'd pick it up right away the next time, it had had a chance to digest and percolate in her brain.  :)  But the main thing was, again, no particular expectation of a SCHEDULE of PROGRESS.  Just because we were starting "early" didn't mean we were going to finish early.  We probably will, but we might not.

We're now more than halfway through the level, and she'd only be starting K this fall if she were in school.  Actually, she's a December birthday so we might even have had the option to wait until next year for K!  So we probably are still going to finish 'early' despite our VERY relaxed schedule.

I also am very influenced by Waldorf and Montessori philosophies.  My DD is much less 'serious' than your DS by the sounds of it -- she's very creative and imaginative and SILLY.  So the fanciful fairy stories aspect of Waldorf is working well with her right now - whereas I was very Montessori with her in her toddler years (lots of Practical activities, self-directed wooden sorting toys, etc).  Keeping these Waldorf ideas helps me keep the balance, that she's getting LOTS of free play time (98% of her day), outdoor time, she's got her playsilks, we do 'circle time' with a candle and poems and songs (which she LOVES) -- so it's not just 'academics' when we "do school".  This satisfies my "I have a gifted kid and I want to DO STUFF with her" excited mom drive, without 'ruining' her heh...

I know that I was a 'gifted kid' -- I taught myself to read when I was 3 and was reading newspaper articles fluently by kindergarten.  I would not have been 'ruined' by early academics, I would have eaten it up and LOVED it.  So I'm pretty confident that as long as you're making sure that their primary focus is independent play and exploration, then OFFERING academics to their level of interest is fine.  Keeping the Montessori idea of following their natural drives -- if they're CHOOSING academic activities, then it's what their development is ready for.  :)

I don't want to hijack the thread but my DD (4) sounds a lot like yours. she is silly, creative, and very imaginative. I am the more serious type however so I am wondering how to jive the two of us for preschool at home.

[SweetSilver]

You don't push, he's having fun, he has plenty of time to play.  Do you see any lack in his creative play when he's on his own?  No?

     To be honest, I am not shy about being biased against early academics.  I really appreciate the Waldorf philosophy on playtime and creativity and delayed seat time and academics.  But really, I am too much of an unschooler to stick to any one philosophy.  My 4yo wanted to write and read and measure, sooooo we did.  My girls are not so intent as your son, but if he is happy and has plenty of free play time, then great.  

     I will say that 3yo is right when imagination and creativity really take root and blossom like mad.  I saw this in both my girls.  The baby-play of putting in and taking out, tucking into bed and lining things up quickly took the backburner to an endless storyline (which I had the joy of listening in on).  So I might slow down introducing new academic games and see if that time can be taken up with free, creative play. (Or if you like the together time then try doing something creative alongside each other). It really is of prime importance.

[SweetSilver]

I just remembered a great book..."Creative Play for Your Toddler" by Christopher Clowder and Janni Nicol. I hope I have that right; I was reading my handwriting from 6 months ago! Yikes!  Not only does it talk about the Waldorf philosophy of play (again, we are not a Waldorf family, but NO ONE does play like Waldorf!) but it is filled with easy projects for toys that are absolutely darling.  Recently while I was stitching on the horse, my 6yo daughter just wanted to cut out felt horses for a flannel board.  So I taught her about templates; she drew them and cut them out.  She traced while I held down the paper template, and she cut out the felt.  So easy!  And she was so pleased with herself.)

[Reebekah]

i have not read the other responses...i just want to give you an idea of what i do with my 3 yr old boy (i also have other children).  he does starfall.com on his own, because he WANTS to....he loves to click and do matching games and drag letters to make words and such....it (along with me and other things) helped him learn all of his letter sounds and he is now sounding out 3 and 4 letter words and recognizes some sight words.  we do a few tracing and cutting pages about 4 days a week, and he REALLY enjoys it.  we work our way through highlights high five magazines, which he really enjoys.  i allow him to watch some educational things on tv, like pbs shows or leap frog videos, and he really retains the info.  he LOVES to read and really learns a lot from it too, so we are working our way through Sonlight p3/4, which he loves.  he even asks me to "quiz him" with those brain quest cards.  he is just that kind of child.  all these things together keep him very busy, but it is all things that he WANTS to do and he is really thriving, so i dont want to hold him back.  he even asked me to start on some other things (things he has seen his older brother do)....and even though i had planned to wait until he was at least 4 to introduce these things, i have decided to follow his lead since he has proven himself more than ready.  i understand the whole "better late than early" thing.....but i also think you know your own child and what they need/want better than anyone else.  good luck.