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So what if you don't believe it all... - Page 2

post #21 of 70

Eh. If I was wanting to discuss strollers or circumcision(in a pro sense) or Toaster Streudels, I just wouldn't do it on this site. 

post #22 of 70

I agree with "take what you can and leave the rest". I have other boards I go to for things that don't fit here.

post #23 of 70

What makes MDC different than MOST parenting sites is that it's a NFL site!! 


You can discuss cio, and vaccination schedules on any other parenting site out there. 



Do you want people to say, " hey, yah, family cloth is disgusting" with you? Then, yah, this isn't the site for you. This is a place where those things are NOT looked down upon. Does that make sense? This is a safe haven for many mommas doing things "outside of the mainstream box"


Do you have to do all of those things to belong? Heck no. But you need to be respectful of the NFL undercurrent that is here. I would be so sad if the NFL part of the website was watered down to make more people welcome. Not everyone fits in here and that is okay. 


Like many posters have said, there are plenty of mainstream parenting websites out there. 

post #24 of 70
Originally Posted by Aquitane View Post

Mommaof3boz, I am probably as mainstream as they come.  This site would never have been a place I would have gone to if it had existed when I was having my first child.  I found MDC after 2 close friends had stillbirths and my sister miscarried twins all in a short span of time.  This was one of the few places that openly discussed those topics. 


Obviously there are things that I didn't do that are predominantly favored by MDC members (um, like all of them.)  Some I wish I would have done, but didn't because I wasn't educated about it, others are just not for me or my family.  I don't debate those things because 1) my kids are older now and it doesn't matter to me personally 2) I know my stance and I would rather not create drama just to say what I did.


I like MDC.  I think I've learned a lot here.  Not necessarily things I would have done myself, but I can learn how other people live and I think that's really important.  Do I believe all of the things on here?  No way.  But I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions.  Sometimes I look at MDC to understand what are other people saying/doing, so that I can have another viewpoint on a topic.


Exactly. This is also one of the only sites that has a section about dealing with a baby in the NICU. My baby was in the NICU for 4 weeks and I found the forum here very, very supportive. Even though, at the same time, a lot of my views on parenting and family tend to be more mainstream or traditional.


post #25 of 70

I argue with a lot of things here you "aren't supposed to argue with".  I've only gotten a few points, but now that my record is expunged... watch out. ;)


Seriously though, it's totally ok with me if you think family cloth is disgusting.  It makes my "lady bits" feel way better than toilet paper. <3  So neiner! ;)  I argue fiercely when I'm in the mental space to do that and I try to walk away when I'm not in a good space for it.  I have to mention that the Surviving Abuse forum has been extremely helpful to me.  I think the biggest reason I am not leaving is SA.  (Really MDC, video ads? Oh suck.)  


I do a lot of things that are against the old UA and I'm not losing sleep over it and I don't feel like I have to run away.  I just avoid the forums that raise my blood pressure. 

post #26 of 70
Every member doesn't have to agree with everyone else regarding what is "best" from a natural family living and attachment parenting aspect. That would be pretty boring, and unreal. Also, no matter what anyone posts online, nobody is the *perfect* NFL/AP person. So don't believe it, even if you think you see it.

I agree with take want you want/need from this board, and leave the rest. Don't get into an argument trying to convince anyone here that circumcision or spanking are good things - because you will lose, rightly so. If you have overly unpopular opinions and don't want to have to defend them, well, don't mention them here.
post #27 of 70

The thing is: no one knows how you are unless you tell them. 


Message boards are mainly places where lots of people who like to talk about themselves get a chance to see how what they like to do intersects with what other people like to do. 


If what we like to do is not liked by anyone else here, no one but us cares.  It's a totally personal problem. 


And, that's as it should be. :)

post #28 of 70

Stick around.  Maybe we'll change your mind about a few things!

post #29 of 70

If I were pro-circ, or pro-spanking, or anti-breastfeeding, I wouldn't discuss that here. I'm not going to argue with anything that MDC itself (as opposed to the community of members) has declared off limits. In general, if I'm in a thread where I can see that arguing or debating is the verbal equivalent of kicking someone when they're down, I'm not going to argue or debate.


I'm intrigued by family cloth. For various reasons, I never have switched to it, but I think I probably will over the next year or two (some of my reasons are logistical, and we're changing this place considerably over the next few months). I don't do, or believe in, homeopathy. I'm totally pro-homebirth and, more importantly, birth choice. I'm not a big fan of western medicine. I've ranged from fully vaxing (with mental reservations) ds1, to not vaxing dd2 at all. (Of course, some of that is because the schedule has grown considerably since ds1 was a baby.) I eat more processed food than I think I should, although not as much as I could. But...I don't get bent about these things. I don't like rigid definitions of AP or NFL. We don't live in a "natural" world, and none of us live 100% "natural" lives (or we wouldn't be posting on the internet!). AP is a great concept, but I'm not into checklists. Breastfeeding, bedsharing, babywearing, etc. are tools for me, not a goal in and of themselves (well, breastfeeding is a goal for me, but I also understand that a small percentage of women truly can't, and that an even larger percentage are undermined in a number of subtle - and blatant - ways).  I'll happily argue, debate, discuss with people who think that carrying children in anything but a sling is borderline abusive. I'll happily argue, debate, discuss with people who are ripping into someone who has tried everything under the sun to breastfeed, and just can't do it anymore (for whatever reason).


MDC isn't Holy Writ. It's a great community, and a wonderful resource. But, I feel quite free to debate anything that isn't specifically banned in the forum guidelines. I suspect an appallingly high percentage of my appallingly high post count consists of some kind of argument, debate, rebuttal, or similar comment. I'm okay with that.

post #30 of 70

I just skip the sections I am not interested in. And I don't make negative comments about things I would not do(like saying cloth dipes are discusting).


I just don't feel a need to say something is wrong or gross to validate why I don't do it.I don't circumcise my boys/girls and I don't vaccinate them either,but I am totally ok with others choosing to do that. I don't even feel the need(any longer) to justify/argue with people who think I should vaccinate,circumcise,send my kids to public school,birth only in a hospital with an OB....and so on.


I used to feel the need to research and justify.To perhaps lecture on why my way was the better way.I see now that  that is silly.And  again I don't put down the choices others make.It is like telling a kid their food choice or tv show they like is gross/stupid.It will make them feel bad.If they like it so be it.No need to like it yourself,but absolutely no need to put it down because you don't like it.

post #31 of 70

some people like to discuss and debate - if you are on of those people and MDC  regularly makes you feel like you are banghead.gif   it is probably not the best place for you.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I do think MDC is undergoing a transition of sorts at the moment - it might be worth it to stick around or come back in a few months and see if it works for you.


Alternately, you can pick and choose your subforums and avoid the rest - some people do that.





post #32 of 70

Visiting a buffet doesn't mean having to sample everything that's available.


post #33 of 70

I feel like I'm repeating myself but this has been an ongoing theme at MDC as of late.  MDC has served different purposes for me at different points in my parenting.  I don't visit the circ forums because I have a girl and it is not something that has been on my personal radar.  I rarely go to the pregnancy and birth forums (been there, done that) and don't go to the homeschooling forums because I have other issues that I'd rather focus on regarding education.  So ultimately, I guess I'm sort of choosey in how I post here.  Sometimes I'll post on the spirituality forums because those subjects sometimes interest me.  Overall, I support the song and tune of MDC, but like someone said above, I use it as a tool and not the end-all for parenting.  Various forums become applicable to me as DD grows, but it is very personal in the end.  I'm glad MDC is here and I have learned a lot from it.  I don't have a lot of people to talk to IRL about parenting and it has been useful in that respect (my extended family is limited and far away and as an older mom, I don't have many friends with children outside of DD's school group).

post #34 of 70

It was after a few longterm members had micro preemies who are very NFL and AP oriented that the NICU/preemie area was born. We really never had an area 5 plus years ago. Then a few DDC members plus a few others as the site grew year after year and since 10% of births in the US are preterm, of course there would be members who also would have preterm babies. I was one of them and rallied to get a nicu area. Day after day we would get new parents in our area who heard this was a great area/forum. A lot were not into the whole mdc exp, but they received the support they needed and questions answered that they might not have gotten anywhere else. I am glad to read this when I do.

Originally Posted by coffeegirl View Post


Exactly. This is also one of the only sites that has a section about dealing with a baby in the NICU. My baby was in the NICU for 4 weeks and I found the forum here very, very supportive. Even though, at the same time, a lot of my views on parenting and family tend to be more mainstream or traditional.



post #35 of 70

For me one of the things that I like and keeps me coming back is the amount of research and though that many people are willing to share about making their decisions, whatever the end decision turns out to be. There are people who post ideas I'm immediately comfortable with, there are those I instantly feel are not for me and in many ways those are the ones that make me think most.


I'm a person who likes to research my options (possibly too much sometimes). I like to be able to look back on a decision and feel I made the best choice at that time. It doesn't always mean I would make the same choice today but to look back and say I just went with the flow without thinking is not something I like doing.



post #36 of 70

I've always liked being the more conservative one in my group.  I don't know why.   I'm only moderately 'crunchy' but I got a kick out of  learning new stuff here, or reading other people's crunchier adventures.  I learned about family cloth here ages ago, which led me to check out Glad Rags. I signed up for their emails but never did buy any of their products.  Years later I'm still getting their emails. 


I can check off some of the NFL definition list, but not everything. But I enjoy hanging here anyway. 


post #37 of 70
I buy into a lot of stuff here at MDC, but I bought into most of it before I arrived here. There are some things I just dont believe in that it seems like its never "okay" to argue about:

~I think WAP and Sally Fallon are quacks. And quite honestly, most people I know IRL who buy into their food philosophies are kinda quacky too. And they ALWAYS seem to have some intolerance that they found out about AFTER buying into this woo.
~I dont believe that TONS of people are allergic to TONS of things and it affects their mood, etc. I dont think that eating corn makes you anxious or that cutting dairy out of your kids life will solve SO many problems. I think most people can eat most anything and a few people are allergic to things. A lot of people like to make things very complicated, but I know that some people really do suffer from allergies.
~I use flouride toothpaste and think its good for my teeth. DH went 10 years without using it and his teeth are awful because of it.
~I dont believe in teeth being "healed".
~I dont believe in homeopathics or aromatherapy. I believe that you can trick yourself into feeling better by using them, but your child will not be fooled. Hylands never ever worked for us.
~I dont believe in any kind of "virgin gut". I think its bull. I was told I was "spoiling my childs virgin gut" soon after I became a member because I allowed my 3 month old to taste avacado milkshake (guess what, she isnt allergic to dairy because of it either).
~I believe in wearing sunscreen.
~I dont think that standing around a campfire with an infant in harmful.

That's about it really. Honestly though, I dont really mind too much when other people talk about any of these things. I just pass right on by.....
post #38 of 70

I'm pretty NFL and AP, but I'm not a born again of either (and people who are tend to really annoy me, esp. when they have like one kid under 1 year old).  I can be grumpy.


However, I've *never* "hidden" any part of myself here.  Maybe I just have a thick skin or really big big girl panties, but while I have gotten torked off enough on occasion to waste a lot of time Arguing With People On the Internet, I feel that it's always been my choice.


Trying to find a place where you can say anything and never piss anyone off or get a snarky comment is like looking for the mythical unicorn online.


Even when there was a crapload of moderation, there's always been MDC snarkiness.  And really, polishing your AP halo-ier than thou doesn't make one immune either.


If you don't want to be challenged, then don't bring up a subject that is contrary to the norms of the site (it's like that at ALL message boards).   For that matter, probably you don't want to write a high horse post even KEEPING with the norms because you're inviting the contrarians (of which there are many of us who like that devil's advocate position).  If you don't mind, then you might have fun.


But come on.  Why would you NOT expect to be challenged if you went against the norm?  Plus, people who like to go against the norm generally do so because they *enjoy* stirring the pot a bit, let's be honest.  (I feel I can say it, because I confess, I do have that in me as well.)

post #39 of 70

I think that there are a lot of people out there that do not follow all of the tenets of everyone else.  There is also a HUGE difference between not doing something, and thinking it is wrong.  We do not do cloth diapers, it is just too much for me to deal with, but I think the moms who do it are awesome.  My kids have partially vaxed, and I love posting in the delayed/selective forum, because we all have different priorities and schedules and it is nice to see.


I do not feel like I have to hide the things I do not do or agree with, but I also would never go into an anti -circ forum and say "I circed my son, so there."  I honestly spend most of my time in Parenting special needs kids, and I do not feel the need to go into all the forums.

post #40 of 70

While I have gotten a lot from MDC, I for one, do hide who I really am. I learned very quickly that I would not be accepted if I let people see the real me. So, I pick and choose what I show.  I only show what is "acceptable" here.  And anything that is "unacceptable", no one ever sees.  But, it is hard.  Knowing that the people here who are your "friends" would never really be your friends if they knew you.


I know, some will say that is not true or how do you know or some other quick comeback.  But the reality is I see it all the time.  Threads where people are disscussing how they would never have been their friend if they had known "this" or "that".  Or where they could not stand being around someone who did "this" or allowed "that".  And as I sit back and read, I think, "hey, that is me.  See, they would never like me."  So, I am just a facade here.  Just the pretty paint and plaster of NFL that everyone wants to see, hiding all the real structure of who I am.


Not that I have ever lied about who I am, mind you.  Because I haven't.  But what I show here is such a minor part of my life. It is not who I really am.  And I don't think we can really be friends with people until we know their differences and even flaws, and then still choose to be friends with them.  I would love to think that I have friends here. But really, I don't.  Because no one here really knows me.  And most would never want to associate with me if they did.


At least, that is my take on MDC.


This place has been great for support and information.  And I have enjoyed conversing with everyone so very much.  But, I don't feel I am really friends with anyone here, and never really would be.  Because I would never be approved for friendship.


Anyways, that is just how I feel about this place.  I have not been back in a while (due to life as well as all the changes), but I can't really see that anything is different now than it has been, and don't figure it ever will be.  Not really. Just the nature of the site, I guess.


So, I take the "good-for-me", avoid the nerve-spots, and leave all the rest.  It works for me.

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