i haven't been on mothering in some time, but don't know where to turn...i lost my sister-in-law (45), and three teenaged nieces (19, 19 & 14) in a car vs. train accident on jan 9th this year. here's a link to the accident details--i don't feel like writing it all out.
i keep thinking that things will get easier or that i will feel better soon, but instead i feel worse. i'm on meds for anxiety/depression issues, but that's nothing new and i'm usually quite good at managing my mental health. i feel like i'm stuck thinking about the loss in a loop. constantly reliving "the call" or thinking of the funeral home, or the pics of their smashed car, i could go on, but i think you get the picture. i'm also often worried about other people dying. i don't want to go to bed at night and getting up in the morning is a total struggle. i'm talking to the doc about hypnosis and changing up my meds. i guess i'm just looking to hear from others who have been through something like this. i just want to know that life will feel normal again one day. i feel like i'm broken and i'll never be the whole normal me again. i look at old pictures of myself and wonder what's so different about me then versus now? what's there? how can i be that again?
i carry on as best i can now, but so often i feel as if i'm just going through the motions, faking a smile to make everyone else feel better. does it ever get better after you've been through something like this?