Is the binky REALLY that evil?

[AprilM]

I know the 'binky' is a bit taboo to some....at least it is to my father in law, who ALWAYS has something to say when DS asks for it. DH also has jumped on the binky hate bandwagon......which probably has a lot to do with his father's influence. Anytime we are around any family, they ALWAYS have to make a comment about how DS doesn't 'need that thing'. They act like he should be ashamed to have it in his mouth, and I don't want DS exposed to that anymore. I am so sick of the comments and disapproving looks from family and strangers, and the other moms who make it a point to say around me 'my kids never took the binky'. Grrr....

 So, I don't know if I am trying to prematurely take away something that brings DS SOOOOO much comfort for unnecessary social pressure reasons, or if it is truly necessary. DS never took a binky until he was 9 months. DH and I introduced it to him because we thought it would help with car rides. And it did. DS took to the binky like it was his best friend and has been totally hooked ever since.

DS will be 3 in a week. And lately we have had some challenging behaviors to deal with. I hate to say it, but if we just give in and give him the binky during the day (we have been trying to give it only at night, naps, and car rides) he is SO much calmer. 

I really don't know what to do. Is it REALLY all that evil? His dentist said his teeth and mouth are perfectly fine and we always use the orthodontic binkies He talks just fine with it and without it.

 I know he is not going to be walking down the isle at his wedding with a binky in his mouth, so half of me says to just let him have it whenever he wants because it is so soothing to him, and then the other half of me says I need to take it away because no one around us approves of it.

He is so much calmer when he has it in his mouth. IDK.....what's the right answer here? This is not an 'end of the world' issue, but it sure feels like it considering how many people feel about it. And I have a total complex about it telling the difference between whether I am failing or succeeding with my child. How stupid I know! 

[LadyCatherine185]

I think you need to do what works for your family and child. And use the "pass the beandip" or "this is what works for us, and it is not up for discussion" and move on to something else when it gets brought up. I also think you need to make sure you and your DH are a united front, but that is another issue....

FWIW, my nephew had a binky until he was 3, and he wanted it alllll the time. Would freak out if they forgot it in the car, "needed" it many times throughout the day, etc. But around his 3rd birthday, SIL and DB cut the binkies and told DN that they were broken.. DN threw them in the trash, and only asked for it once later in the day.. to which they replied "sorry A, they are all broken.. remember you threw them away?" and he was fine. Hasn't asked for it since.

ETA: I don't know if you are looking for others opinions on binkies.. but I have never really been a huge fan of them. My DS2 takes one, but only because I have oversupply and he hated nursing and needed to suck to sleep. He only takes it for naps/bedtime and I plan to wean him off of it around 12-18 months. By age 2-3 I would think they would be able to develop other methods for calming/soothing without needing a binky.. But, that is my personal opinion on them, so take it with a grain of salt.

[Angelswithme]

I'm not a mom but I am the oldest of 7 brothers and sisters. And have a 4 year old niece. Here's my advice.......

Don't be negative or let others be negative about the Binky. Let your child have the Binky and every chance you get point out other children that are around your child's age and let your child know that one day he will be a big boy and will not need the Binky. Point out children that drink out of cups and things like that.

My niece never let go of the Binky and whenever I was babysitting or out and about with my sister I would talk to her so that she would have to take the Binky out of her mouth and I would point out people that don't have Binky's and play a game with her. I would ask her for the Binky during the game and once the game was started she forgot about the Binky for awhile. Then when it was nap time or bedtime she wanted the Binky. And soon she didn't care and just stopped wanting the Binky.

It might seem silly but talk to your child... they understand more than you think. :)

[AprilM]

Originally Posted by Angelswithme 

I'm not a mom but I am the oldest of 7 brothers and sisters. And have a 4 year old niece. Here's my advice.......

Don't be negative or let others be negative about the Binky. Let your child have the Binky and every chance you get point out other children that are around your child's age and let your child know that one day he will be a big boy and will not need the Binky. Point out children that drink out of cups and things like that.

My niece never let go of the Binky and whenever I was babysitting or out and about with my sister I would talk to her so that she would have to take the Binky out of her mouth and I would point out people that don't have Binky's and play a game with her. I would ask her for the Binky during the game and once the game was started she forgot about the Binky for awhile. Then when it was nap time or bedtime she wanted the Binky. And soon she didn't care and just stopped wanting the Binky.

It might seem silly but talk to your child... they understand more than you think. :)

Well, that's encouraging to know that eventually she just didn't want it anymore! I actually do talk to DS alot about the binky. I tell him things like  big boys don't need binkies. It's funny because when I make any kind of analogy about 'big boys' he always says 'I don't wanna be a big boy, I wanna be a baby.' It's actually really cute hearing him reason like that. LOL

I am hoping that one day he will just forget about it. 
 

[whozeyermamma]

I think it's fine for him to have the bink. I wouldn't be surprised if a decent amount of his binky attraction is the fact that it's become this taboo and he's afraid that it's going to be taken away from him against his will so he's clinging to it even more.

And I'd tell the relatives to back off - that the matter is no longer up for debate, especially around your son. He's old enough that he knows they are being disaproving of him and that's not OK in my book.

I remember when DD was still cosleeping (which she did until age 6) and whenever someone gave us &^^$ about it I reminded her that it was OK with us and that she'd sleep in her own bed when she was ready.

I think the only thing would be to try to talk to him a little about why he wants to be a baby and not a big boy. Maybe there's other ways he can still be your baby? If it bothers you, give him a deadline for when the binkys go bye bye and work your way up to it. Make sure it's not a stressful time (start of new school year) but that it's a time he can recognize - mark it on the calander - or have him choose the date. Then you count down to it and make it part of a game.

Good luck!

[LaurensFaire]

So... I wanted to post our experience with the binky with our son.  He's a year and a half now... We were adamant about not having a binky, I would breastfeed until my boobs fell off before we would use one.  So about 6 weeks after he was born, I was breastfeeding with abandon, and he was still screaming and not sleeping at all and the car was absolutely traumatic for everyone involved... We went to a midwife checkup, and she asked could I try a binky?  We thought, well... okay sure, it's not going to hurt him more than all the emotional distress he was already in for whatever unknown reason.  She went and got a Gumdrop binky, which is similar to those blue ones at the store, but contoured, and he passed out on his back, on the midwife's bed in about ten seconds... which he hadn't done since birth. 
Sometimes it IS worth it. :)

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by LaurensFaire 

So... I wanted to post our experience with the binky with our son.  He's a year and a half now... We were adamant about not having a binky, I would breastfeed until my boobs fell off before we would use one.  So about 6 weeks after he was born, I was breastfeeding with abandon, and he was still screaming and not sleeping at all and the car was absolutely traumatic for everyone involved... We went to a midwife checkup, and she asked could I try a binky?  We thought, well... okay sure, it's not going to hurt him more than all the emotional distress he was already in for whatever unknown reason.  She went and got a Gumdrop binky, which is similar to those blue ones at the store, but contoured, and he passed out on his back, on the midwife's bed in about ten seconds... which he hadn't done since birth. 
Sometimes it IS worth it. :)

I definitely agree, sometimes it is worth it. We needed one with DS2. He would nurse and then scream and scream at the breast (I have oversupply and overactive letdown, so nursing was not calming to him at ALL) but wouldn't go to sleep. We tried a binky and it was a miracle. He also had colic issues, and the binky got us a little bit of reprieve during his screaming sessions. So yes, I think they are definitely beneficial for babies for a variety of reasons. My personal opinion is that as a baby grows into a toddler/child they should be able to calm themselves without one throughout the day. I can see needing one for nap/bedtime if the toddler is no longer nursing and/or needs the binky to get to sleep.

[Angelswithme]

I was thinking about how my brother did with the binky.... but he never liked that thing. He always had the bottle hanging out of his mouth. He didn't want to give the bottle up..... my mom and I had to take it away from him once he started biting pieces of the nipples off. So, just be careful of that. Once he starts biting the binky  - you will have to take it from him. That part will be a lot easier since it's so dangerous. Good luck.

[Marissamom]

I don't think it's such a huge deal, but my personal take is that by 3 kids shouldn't need the binky 24/7.  I personally would have one that lives in the car and one that lives by the bed, and only let the kid have them in those places, but anytime they want the binky during the day they can go lay on their bed. 

[Aka mommy]

My oldest dd had the binky until she started kindergarten (at 4.5). We took her into our pediatrician and the dentist to make sure no damage was being done and the dentist let us know that until she lost teeth and her adult set came in she would be fine. For her it was a comfort item. It provided her with comfort, reassurance and calmness. Who was i to deem when it was time for her to get it taken away? Then right before kindergarten started we asked her if the binky fairy could come and take it away and give it to all the new babies that were being born, she said yes and the next day she put it in a basket and wrapped it for the binky fairy and never asked for it again. Before that point, getting it to go was a battle and i finally stopped falling to peer and sociatal pressure since the 'professionals' had reassured me that she was healthy and ok.

Many see the binky as an evil, for me I saw it as a comfort that i was not able to always provide (i couldn't nurse her 24/7 despite my desire to want to do so) and now at 7.5 she is a secure, mature, and happy girl who doesn't even remember her binky. Many, many family members and friends put us down for it and i finally had to stand up and let them know NOT to talk negatively about it in front of our child as it was HER choice and she didn't need adults demeaning her choices as such an early age. It shut up most of them.

Good luck on your choice, it's such a touchy subject and as I look at my 1 year old who only uses it for naps and bedtime I wonder how the future will play out. Our kids are pretty darn smart and know what they need and when they need it.