worried about midwife

[rustydaisies]

so im a little bit worried about the midwife that i chose, i had a difficult time finding a homebirth midwife who catered to my area.  she was the closest and when i met her i liked her a lot she was very sweet but, im worried, she never asked me any qualifying questions about having a homebirth for one.  for 2 she said she would get back to me with the billing insurance info like 3 weeks ago and i still havent heard from her.  i also had an apt with her last sunday but completely forgot and ended up working a crazy 31 hr weekend up in pittsburgh, but she never called me before or after and i still havent heard from her.  you would think she would call to confrim the day before or something. shes almost too hands of, im 15 weeks and feel like i should be getting the basics out of the way, figuring out my blood type and getting my levels and seeing if there are any tests i would want to do.  she said she doesnt usually do apts before 18 weeks when you can hear a baby on a fetoscope but still.......

[Czarena]

If she's already said she doesn't worry about appointments until 18 weeks, it makes sense that she wasn't worried about a 15 week appointment being missed. I never got a phone call to confirm appointments from any of my midwives unless she needed to reschedule.

As far as blood tests and all that - really truly, you have at the least 22 weeks to do that. I know it's your first and you are probably anxious but remember that 37-42 weeks is a long time and you have plenty of time to do all of that :)

[Mayachel]

I agree if your midwife doesn't usually see women until 18 weeks she may not be worried about you missing an appointment at 15 weeks. My midwife does not call to remind me of scheduled appointments, however when I missed my first one she called within 20min to ask where I was and to make sure I was ok. (I was, just pregnancy brain that jumbled my timing.)

Personally, I'd want my mw to wonder what happened to me/call/check-in etc... What if there was a problem going on?

Meanwhile, it doesn't sound like you are feeling confident in the level of attention you are receiving from her. It may help to let her know the next time you see her. She can't read your mind and may think you prefer the very hands off approach.

[Mizelenius]

If you continue to feel uncomfortable with the level of care, consider having a  MW at a hospital if she is your only option.  I have had 4 hospital births (3 with a MW) and all of them were good experiences, esp. since I tend to arrive no sooner than one hour before giving birth.  (They can't give you any problems at that point!)

While everyone says that birth is not a "medical" issue, the fact is, it CAN be, and sometimes we just don't know-- even if there are no problems at all during the PG.  If you are dealing with someone incompetent and an emergency arises,  what would you do?   A good homebirth MW will be aware and transfer you and/or know what to do-- but you need to be able to count on their skills.

It sounds like it MAY be too early to tell in this case . . .but listen to your instincts.

[Lisa85]

My midwife is hands off, but I wouldn't be comfortable with the level of care you've received so far.  My midwife is hands off, but she is not in the least, unknowledgeable about me, kwim?  We do appointments every 3 weeks, not from a medical standpoint at that time but she likes to get to know her patients.

With your first, she should at the very least done a routine blood test.  I decided to pass because I knew from previous pregnancies that Rhogam shots would not be needed.  But if you don't know you're blood type, then you really need to get that checked asap.

She should already know your and your partner's medical history by now.  She should also make sure that her fees, payment, insurance, and billing policies are absolutely clear to you so there are no surprises.  If she is taking 3 weeks to get back to you about a simple question, such as this it would make me wonder how long it would take her to respond if you had a more serious issue to discuss.

*For me*, I would not be comfortable not having any care until 18 weeks, especially with my first.  Sure, not hearing the heartbeat until 18 weeks isn't medically necessary, but I like to at 12 weeks for peace of mind.  Sure some would be fine with complete hands off care, but to me if the midwife seemed this disinterested from the start, it would make me feel like her heart really wasn't into what she was doing.

[sarahtar]

I guess, my personal opinion is that what you might be taking as disinterest might just be her regular way of practicing. There's nothing WRONG with what she's doing, but it doesn't seem to line up with your expectations. Clearly, better communication (from both of you) might help, but if her regular way of doing business does not jive with what you want from a midwife, then she's clearly not the midwife for you.

[APToddlerMama]

I guess I have a different take than the other posters.  I don't think it is responsible at all for her to not to ask you any qualifying questions about having a homebirth, and wouldn't be comfortable with three weeks passing without hearing from her on the info she said she'd get you.  It sounds like you don't feel comfortable with her.  And quite frankly, I would be concerned too.  I cannot have a home birth for a whole host of reasons that make me high risk.  Even a hospital midwife wouldn't take me, so I don't speak from personal experience with a midwife, but I would have a really hard time getting comfortable with someone if I felt like they were too busy or  air headed to respond to my question for three weeks.  Being in the high risk camp too, I am pretty stunned that she wouldn't be asking you some questions at least to determine if there is any underlying medical issue that might be a problem during a homebirth.  I'd look for a midwife I felt comfortable with... How are you going to feel during labor and how will your labor and delivery be any different from a hospital birth if you are not confident in her and unable to focus on your labor/delivery and relax...?  I'd start interviewing other midwives and ask for referrals. 

Originally Posted by rustydaisies 

im worried, she never asked me any qualifying questions about having a homebirth for one.  for 2 she said she would get back to me with the billing insurance info like 3 weeks ago and i still havent heard from her. 

[rustydaisies]

i did call her again and ask her about the billing information and setting up apts etc, she said she would email me when she got the billing info and that it usually took 2 to 3 weeks.  ( i had faxed everything over three to four weeks prior to this) so fast forward 2 weeks and i still havent heard a word from her!  time to move on i supose. only trouble is finding a homebirth midwife that comes to my area is proving to be very very difficult.  i went to see a group that works through a hospital just to see measurements and get a referall for blood work etc.  and if all else failed possibly go through them, but they made me very uncomfortable with the insistent use of doppler and mandatory fetal monitering when one came in in labour, plus the looks of disbelief when i didnt want ultrasounds, or the use of doppler, or that i wouldnt be taking a viral suppressant in the third trimester for herpes.  ahhh! cant someone share my dogma! and not want to immediately cut twins, or frank breech births out of me!

[sarahtar]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

I guess I have a different take than the other posters.  I don't think it is responsible at all for her to not to ask you any qualifying questions about having a homebirth,

My response comes from the perspective that midwives provide more than just a birth. I believe all of the HB midwives in my area will provide solely prenatal care for women who cannot have a homebirth, with the patient transferring to an appropriate OB towards the end. Perhaps this MW prefers to discuss these things in person at an appointment. It's hard to know. I personally would not be able to deal with this MW's way of doing things, either, but that doesn't mean that she's not competent or exactly what other women are looking for. (heck, my best friend is seeing a midwife who I know to be quite competent, but who I could never, ever see as a patient because her way of doing business just does not line up with what I expect. My friend, though, loves her.)

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by sarahtar 



My response comes from the perspective that midwives provide more than just a birth. I believe all of the HB midwives in my area will provide solely prenatal care for women who cannot have a homebirth, with the patient transferring to an appropriate OB towards the end. Perhaps this MW prefers to discuss these things in person at an appointment. It's hard to know. I personally would not be able to deal with this MW's way of doing things, either, but that doesn't mean that she's not competent or exactly what other women are looking for. (heck, my best friend is seeing a midwife who I know to be quite competent, but who I could never, ever see as a patient because her way of doing business just does not line up with what I expect. My friend, though, loves her.)

She said "when I met her...she never asked any qualifying questions" so I am assuming she was in person.

[writteninkursive]

Midwives who do homebirths tend to be a lot more hands-off.  And that's a good thing, I think, because they do NOT interfere with birth.  I just attended a friend's birth and her midwife literally sat there and every few hours would listen to baby's heartbeat or check her cervix if mama requested it.  But their job is to safeguard birth, not to interfere with it.

My midwife isn't so different from yours.  I have to call her and remind her it's been four weeks and we should have an appointment, things like that.  But I'm kind of really happy about it.  With my last pregnancy, I didn't see anyone from 28 weeks on (and I am comfortable with that because, well, it was baby #3 at the time and I already KNEW I could make a healthy baby).  The most I've had done this pregnancy so far is blood pressure reading - once, and I'm 22.5 weeks.  It's so much more laid back.  I'm enjoying not stressing about every little thing and focusing more on my life and family than obsessing over baby measuring so big, gaining so much weight, blahblah.  But I can see how, if it's your first, you'd be stressed out by the hands-off nature of care. 

[rustydaisies]

hands off wouldnt even begin to describe it, im not a stress case overly worried about numbers etc its not really my style, the things that had me worried are i asked her for the billing info at 13 weeks or so and still havent received it or heard from her at all, (21 weeks) she apparently been in my area for 2 years but i cant find anyone around here with an experience with her, she didnt offer me references, certifications, or any type of confirmation about her training.  She was saying she was a CNM but only her nursing license had transferred to her new location and still 2 years later her midwife cert hadnt transfered.  she offered no records or statistics about her transfer rate, death rate etc etc.  theres hands off and then theres just no communication or information.

[BennyPai]

This seems strange to me.  I've had experience with midwives and have never had one quite that hands-off.  It is important to be able to assess her qualifications, so she should make this information available to you. 

I was 18 weeks at my last visit, and I've had some blood tests, urine analysis, blood pressure checks, fetascope/doppler to listen to baby's heartbeat & belly measured so far.  I don't plan on u/s or extensive testing and there was no pressure to do so, but my midwives did inform me of the option to have further prenatal testing, etc. if I chose.

[onetwoten]

Yes, I think there's definately a difference between hands off and not wanting to go appointment crazy, and what you described in your last post. I'm ok with a lay midwife (In theory, they don't operate here), but one who told me she had credentials, and then couldn't seem to provide them... would make me nervous. Combine that with taking months to get back to you about information, and yes, I would be looking elsewhere too. 

Hands off is great... but outright ignoring you, not the same. 

[Czarena]

ok with the update of no certification and no references is creepy.

[rustydaisies]

just an update i have found a different midwife who i love and am so excieted to be working with : ) i have my first apt with her on the 18th of august!

[BennyPai]

Great!

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by rustydaisies 

just an update i have found a different midwife who i love and am so excieted to be working with : ) i have my first apt with her on the 18th of august!

Awesome news! I hope you and her click, and you have a great experience from here on out.

[rah0315]

Originally Posted by writteninkursive 

Midwives who do homebirths tend to be a lot more hands-off.  And that's a good thing, I think, because they do NOT interfere with birth.  I just attended a friend's birth and her midwife literally sat there and every few hours would listen to baby's heartbeat or check her cervix if mama requested it.  But their job is to safeguard birth, not to interfere with it.

My midwife isn't so different from yours.  I have to call her and remind her it's been four weeks and we should have an appointment, things like that.  But I'm kind of really happy about it.  With my last pregnancy, I didn't see anyone from 28 weeks on (and I am comfortable with that because, well, it was baby #3 at the time and I already KNEW I could make a healthy baby).  The most I've had done this pregnancy so far is blood pressure reading - once, and I'm 22.5 weeks.  It's so much more laid back.  I'm enjoying not stressing about every little thing and focusing more on my life and family than obsessing over baby measuring so big, gaining so much weight, blahblah.  But I can see how, if it's your first, you'd be stressed out by the hands-off nature of care. 

I'm going to have to disagree with you on the first part. All the midwives we interviewed were home birth only, and not one of them exhibited what this midwife has. Just because they're attentive during a pregnancy doesn't mean they'll be crazy invasive during labor.

This is baby #2 for us, and I know my daughter was healthy but that doesn't mean that this next one will be or the one after that...life is funny that way, stuff happens that you have no control over. Just because one gets measurements, etc doesn't mean they stress over it, this is where you can educate yourself and a good midwife can reassure you/discuss how things are going.

For this baby, we're on the typical prenatal schedule and this is the time that I'm getting to know my midwife (we haven't used her before) and for us to build a relationship. It's not usually about numbers or anything technical (unless she gets some red flags somewhere), it's about how to care for myself and be the best I can be in pregnancy. I had my daughter less than 2 years ago, and have definitely forgotten a lot since then.

I can see if you've had the same midwife for multiple births and you know each other intimately, but if I were in the OP shoes I'd feel the same way. I'm glad you found someone to work with!

Its all about what works for you personally, its your baby, your body...