What would you do with this???

[peaceful_mama]

DD is 4.  And almost a half.  She can unbuckle her carseat....and does....when she is mad about something in the car.  Like yesterday, I did not stop at a park she saw.  So THREE TIMES I pull over because she unbuckled herself!  I can't have this.  I panicked.  I yelled.  I was driving down one of the busiest roads desperately looking for a driveway before she was seen standing up in our van.

WHAT do I do?!  (she did this a few months ago but I thought we were past this)

[healthyfamilies]

Oh man!  That must be so scary for you!  Does she know how to buckle herself back in?

You more then likely have already done this.  But what I would try first is when she does this and after you have found a safe place to pull over I would sit in the car.  I would explain in your calm but firm voice that if she is not buckled and you were to be in a car accident that she could get hurt.  She would have to go to the hospital and that you might also be hurt.  I would tell her how scared you are that she might get hurt because she is not buckled.  I would tell her that you are sorry that you can't go to the park but if she would like to go to the park later (that day or tomorrow or next week) that she needs to buckle her seat belt.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Tricky!   Maybe it would help to think of some of the underlying reasons she's unbuckling her seat.  It sounds like she doesn't actually think that taking the seatbelt off is going to make you go to the park.  Is she interested in the drama of stopping the car and seeing you all freaked out?  I can see how this would be very interesting to a 4 year old.  Is she angry and feeling powerless and maybe feels that she has some control by taking off the belt? 

[Dov'sMom]

My 4.5 year old stopped doing this, but when he's in THAT mood he will announce that he has unbuckled -- even on the highway -- and then giggle when you stop the car that it was just a joke.

It helped for him that he is in a high back booster (both my preschoolers are huge) and his 3.5 yo brother in a carseat. The first time he unbuckled, we explained how dangerous it was. The second time, we switched the boys so he was sitting in the car seat, which is much harder for him to unbuckle and also not seated near the baby, where he prefers to sit. The third time he did it, he moved to the carseat for a week. He didn't do it again for many months, and even then only when the car was temporarily parked, so it was annoying but not dangerous.

Of course, in the meantime the 3.5 year old decided he liked the booster seat better. (He's about 39 lbs and 41 inches.) But he is also of the opinion that holding on to the handle at the top of the car is as safe as being strapped in, and I know from experience that he will not change his mind until proven wrong -- which would mean if the car stopped short when he was only holding on and not strapped and he lost his grip.  So obviously we cannot safely put him in a booster for now -- but we don't have another carseat that can accommodate a child that size! So I sincerely hope the 4.5 year old doesn't go back to unbuckling any time soon...

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by peaceful_mama 

  I panicked.  I yelled.  I was driving down one of the busiest roads desperately looking for a driveway before she was seen standing up in our van.

I wonder if she like the drama of it all, the sense of power. It sounds like it's turned into a bit of a game for her.

Can she get herself back in?

I wonder what would happen if you took the drama away from it, and just pulled over calmly (chances of a wreck the exact moment she does this are slim) and then just.... sat there. Didn't talk to her, didn't help, didn't have a power thing at all. Just ignored her until she got herself back buckled in, and then drove again.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 
 Just ignored her until she got herself back buckled in, and then drove again.

Yea, or maybe act totally naive - like you think her belt must have come undone by accident or that she must not know that it's bad to take it off.  "Sweetie, your belt came unhooked.  Let me pull over so you can click it back,"  or "Oh, jeez, DC did you think we were there yet?!?  I'm still driving.  I'll pull over so you can put your seatbelt back on."  Pretend as if the thought of her taking it off intentionally didn't even cross your mind because the idea is so crazy.  Of course, this will only work in some cases.  But assuming the best possible intentions sometimes works really well for DC and me.  It's like she gets to see how nice it is when we're both trying to make things work.  
 

[One_Girl]

Is this the first time you panicked?  If so it may do some good.  I panicked when my dd unbuckled her seat belt and made sure she new exactly why we use seat belts.  Sometimes the panic response is the most effective one because it is genuine and comes off that way.  If you are doing a lot of panicking around this issue then a calm response would be in order, possibly with a privilege removed immediately.  That may work.  I have heard turning them towards the inside makes them harder to unbuckle.  These two sites sell locks for the seat belt and there are locks for the kind you push down also.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Seat-Safety-Belt-Buckle-Guard-Lock-Child-Seats-/260649361091?pt=UK_Baby_BabyCarSeatAccessories_SM&hash=item3cafe99ec3

http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/384447739/Adjustable_Auto_Car_Seat_Safety_Belt.html

[peaceful_mama]

It's definitely an anger and power issue.  And no, it's not the first time I panicked...this happened a few times a few months ago.  The first time, I was on the highway, and she was running up and down the aisles of the van throwing things.  This was not too long after the baby came.  Yeah, I flipped a little.  (DVDs to be exact, we'd just been to the library and got a few.)

I never connected the dots, but its possible some of the behavior I saw around that time had to do with him and our time in the hospital----babe born out-of-hospital, home about 36 hours, admitted and babe and I spent 5 days there while he had many tests and surgery for his birth defect.....totally unexpected.

Yet totally inexcusable.   Thanks for the info on those belt locks! I had no idea there was such a thing!  There's a baby-stuff store here in town that sells *lots* of safety items, I might see if they carry these.  If I can, I'd like to use them where the carseats are buckled in too so nobody can unbuckle those.  (That's happened too, now I check when I'm loading the 2 year old.)

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by peaceful_mama 

I never connected the dots, but its possible some of the behavior I saw around that time had to do with him and our time in the hospital----babe born out-of-hospital, home about 36 hours, admitted and babe and I spent 5 days there while he had many tests and surgery for his birth defect.....totally unexpected.

Wow, you guys have been through a lot.