How do you handle anger toward someone else...

[KatWrangler]

Even  though this other person has no control over what is causing the anger?  How do you get over it?

[Linda on the move]

I think that for me, I had a lot of anger inside and it just looked for places to focus. Part of the solution was to dissolve the anger inside me, which I did through counseling, visualization, journaling, meditation, etc. One exercise I found helpful was to write about my anger and really pour out all those feelings, and then pray over the paper and asked to be released, and then burn the paper.

Part of the reason that worked is because the first step was to totally own the anger and really let myself FEEL it without judging it. I do think the first step is to hold the anger -- to just breath the anger without judging ourselves for feeling it. For me, releasing anger because I was *supposed to* didn't work. It had to be a choice -- a choice to continue to feel it, or to let it go, which ever felt better to me.

Part of it for me was wanting Peace more than I wanted to be right. I used to enjoy my anger, because it was wrapped up in feeling better than the people I was angry with.  I had to let go of my role of victim and decide to just move forward.

I also had to learn to take care of myself in both large and small ways. Because as long I wasn't getting my needs met, anger was all I had. But when I truly had want I needed, then I could let go of the anger. If you are in a situation where you are getting sh*t on over and over, then I don't know how much it matters if it "isn't their fault." There still needs to be a way for you to take care of yourself and have your own needs met.

(I was abused and neglected as a child, I had a lot to be angry about).

[Katwoman]

In the instance you describe I have discovered that it's related to me some how feeling trapped - or not having any options - in the situation.  Once I really look at the situation and find options available to me, it helps disapate the anger.  (As a warning, more often times that not I continue down the same road I was on before stopping and finding options.  But for me, just knowing I have options - even options I'm not interested in taking - is enough to make me feel less victimized by the situation/person.)]

[jeslynn]

This is something that I have been struggling with for almost a year. I was abused as a child and so I am very weary towards men. Well a friends husband had an epileptic episode at my sons birthday party last year. Since he had it while hugging me goodbye, he held on for a long time. Everyone in the party was staring and I felt all those feelings of being violated all over again. I KNOW he couldn't control it, but getting rid of that feeling and trying to be normal around him again has been so hard. The only thing that helps is when my husband is with us.

What I've been trying to do is put myself in his shoes. Imagine how he must have felt. It's not much but it's all of got.

Hang in there <3

[2lilsweetfoxes]

For me, when I have anger toward someone else for "no good reason", a lot of times it is because they have some "quirk" or something that reminds me of something I don't like about myself...

(I also get annoyed with people who are "sugary-sweet over-friendly" types)

[IwannaBanRN]

What helped me was to pray for that person. I don't really believe in a God (as in a religious god ie. Christian, Jewish, etc) I pray to help this person grow, and to live well and for myself to grow to not resent this person. Even if you don't believe the prayer at first, keep doing it everyday for at least 2 weeks. I did this to forgive my mom's ex for molesting me and my sisters. Hope that helps.