Originally Posted by whatsnextmom
Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions?
Who jumped to those conclusions? I don't think he's a "domineering creep", nor do I think he's particularly controlling. I think assuming that his son must be bothered by his mom wearing underwear (that fully covers her private areas) is creepy. And, I find the underlying viewpoint of human sexuality creepy. And, I'm not saying anything about the OP's dh. I'm saying that I, personally, wouldn't accede to this request, because I, personally, think that would mean allowing an unhealthy view of clothing, sexuality, etc. to trump a healthier one.
To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences?
This isn't about giving an ounce on my personal preferences. This is about my philosophical view of the female body (as that's the one being told to cover up - but I wouldn't like it any more the other way around), attitudes around sexuality, etc. I wouldn't tell my husband to stop talking to me, but those concerns creep me out. They simply do.
This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.
Perverse opinions? Not necessarily. His viewpoints are actually very culturally understandable. However, I find them every bit as offensive as people who object to NIP, or to the story posted here last year about the mom freaking out because a man walked into a men's room while her son was in there (*gasp* - a man, using the men's room - what a pervert, right?).
OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.
You quoted me. This isn't a women's rights issue to me at all. It's an issue of how people perceive the human body - male or female - and their attempts to force push those views on someone else. I think OP's dh's concers about this are over the top, unfounded, and symptomatic of a culture that's really, really sick on the subject of the human body. If I were the OP, I think I'd probably talk to my son about this, and see how he's coping. But, it's not about gender. It's about the idea that there's something inappropriate about someone moving from one room in their home to another one, just because their child is home. That's an idea that I find deeply personally offensive, and there's no way in hell that I'd honor dh's view on this. YMMV, but I don't see why it's okay for the OP's dh to have an opinion on this, and not okay for me to have one. He thinks there's something wrong with OP doing what she's doing. I think there's something wrong with thinking that. It's not just about "he has concerns and I should take them into account." I do take dh's concerns into account. But, his concerns don't trump mine, and I'm not going to send my children messages about the human body that I believe to be damaging, just because he thinks I should.