Mama exposing too much? - Page 2

[whatsnextmom]

You would think so but sometimes it's hard to read in the opposite sex. My DH and DD have always been especially close. They are two peas in a pod. However around 12, DD started redrawing her bounderies. *I* could see it because I'm a girl and I remember but DH was totally clueless even with having grown up with 3 older sisters. For example, DH has always been one to help fold laundry but I could see when DD was no longer comfortable with him handling her underwear. There's been lots of things pop-up over the years and I've pretty much had to clue DH in every step. It's not his fault. She does her very best to hide it and she's still very much "daddy's little girl" even at 14. I expect DH will be clueing me in about DS when the time comes lol.

I'm not saying this is your situation or that it ever will be. I guess I just give your DH the benefit of the doubt. He's been a boy. He might remember how things changed as he aged or might be seeing something different.

Originally Posted by Nasubi77 

This is true, but I think there would be body language signs if he were uncomfortable, even if he didn't mention it.  Truly, I think he is oblivious....  For example, if we're in the bed watching TV, DS will come and just plop down on the bed for snuggle time before bedtime.  I do cover with a sheet in these instances, but I don't think he would do that if he was uncomfortable with me being in my undies (that are mostly covered with a t-shirt, keep in mind). 
 

[Nasubi77]

Originally Posted by AAK 

I don't think your sleepwear seems too revealing to be around your son.  However, I would put on a bit more if he is having someone stay over--like a pair of men's boxers instead of the granny panties.  That's just me though.  

In our house, the girls will still see dh in his boxers occasionally.  My oldest is 11 1/2.  And I run near naked through the house often.  But, we only have daughters.  Also, if a friend is over, I cover myself and dh doesn't walk about in boxers.  Mostly though, we try to not make a big deal out of it.  If a friend were to catch a glimpse of dh in boxers it wouldn't be a big deal to me, but dh was raised in a very modest household (boys were required to have shirt and pants on when people were over) and so it would bother him.

Amy 

Oh yeah, definitely!  I certainly dress "respectable" when the kids have friends over, boys or girls!

[Nasubi77]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

 For example, DH has always been one to help fold laundry but I could see when DD was no longer comfortable with him handling her underwear.

LOL that reminded me of the other day, DS called to me from the bathroom to bring him some underwear.  Then he said, "Don't pick out the underwear, just bring me some." 

I brought him his undies and said, "Here's the underwear I picked out especially for you!"

So, he promptly took them back to his drawer and got another pair! 
 

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Calliope84 

This is weird... because if you had a DD, this wouldn't even matter. If I have all girls, I doubt I'll care what I wear. I saw my mom pretty much naked all the time when I was growing up. She wasn't weirded out about changing in front of us or whatever. I never saw my dad, though. I think he always had on pj pants. Geez. I honestly can't even remember what he wore around the house... I don't think I ever paid attention or cared. I guess if I have a boy I might wear full on pjs around the house when he gets older, but... eh. If we had had a boy and all boys, DH could have been regularly running around nude and no one would have cared lol.  It just seems so weird that you can breastfeed a child until they are old enough to always remember breastfeeding, but then at some point your body becomes taboo somehow and you have to hide it from the same child.  

Actually it may really matter to the girl.  My grandma was and still is very laid back about what she wears and it still mortifies my mother.  She is just a more modest person by nature and has always been embarrassed by nudity.  I have never cared about nudity and have no problem walking around naked or showering in gyms.  Different people have different comfort levels no matter what their gender is.

OP:  Maybe your son has mentioned something to your husband about this.  I think you should sit down with your son and ask him about this if you are worried about how he feels.
 

[CarrieMF]

All members of the household deserve respect and courtesy. If a member, adult or child, is uncomfortable with something very easy to accomodate, why wouldn't you?

Why should Mom give up her respect & courtesy for an issue that isn't even real.  The son does NOT have a problem with it, the dh has a perceived issue that isn't real & is a double standard.

The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this.  This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.

[whatsnextmom]

You are more than welcome to run your home like that. I choose not to.
 

Originally Posted by CarrieMF 

Why should Mom give up her respect & courtesy for an issue that isn't even real.  The son does NOT have a problem with it, the dh has a perceived issue that isn't real & is a double standard.

The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this.  This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF 

Why should Mom give up her respect & courtesy for an issue that isn't even real.  The son does NOT have a problem with it, the dh has a perceived issue that isn't real & is a double standard.

The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this.  This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.

So the fact that her DH has a problem doesn't factor in at all?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF 
The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this.  This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.
 

The son let her know how he felt about his own underwear and she made a joke about it, so I wouldn't assume that he's neutral on the whole "parents running around the house without appropriate clothing" issue (which sounds like it's both parents). This doesn't sound like a situation where they son can say what he feels and know that he will be taken seriously.

Originally Posted by Nasubi77 

LOL that reminded me of the other day, DS called to me from the bathroom to bring him some underwear.  Then he said, "Don't pick out the underwear, just bring me some." 

I brought him his undies and said, "Here's the underwear I picked out especially for you!"

So, he promptly took them back to his drawer and got another pair! 
 

[Nasubi77]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

The son let her know how he felt about his own underwear and she made a joke about it, so I wouldn't assume that he's neutral on the whole "parents running around the house without appropriate clothing" issue (which sounds like it's both parents). This doesn't sound like a situation where they son can say what he feels and know that he will be taken seriously.

I think you read way too much into that exchange.  My son is happy-go-lucky and it was a light-hearted tease and he was laughing the whole time.  We have a very similar sense of humor and have interactions like this all the time (not always about underwear!).  But he absolutely knows that I will and do take him seriously when he needs and wants it.  I also think saying "running around the house without appropriate clothing" is a huge exaggeration of "dashing to the bathroom in the late evening hours just before bedtime in my night shirt and underwear".   

I asked for opinions and I am happy to receive them from all sides of the issue, but I'd appreciate you to leave the judgment and criticism behind.

[Storm Bride]

I wouldn't change the way I dress. But, I'll be honest - I'm really creeped out by the attitude that there's something inappropriate about going to the bathroom or kitchen in one's own house, with all private body parts covered. If one of my kids was expressing discomfort with it, I'd cover up (and I've had conversations about this topic with ds1 in the past), except for breastfeeding. But, there's no way I'd let another adult's messed up (in my opinion, of course) ideas about the female body, modesty and sexuality dictate how I dressed in my own home. And, imo, that's what this is about - messed up ideas about those things.

[*bejeweled*]

Linda on the move, this comment is so whack. (Unnecessary). I'm surprised to see it coming from you.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Its a family decision, but your husband is a member of your family. I don't see what your big deal is about throwing on a pair of shorts or a bathrobe when you walk around your house. You know it bothers him, but you keep doing it because....... why?

Sleep in whatever you want, but cover your a$$ when you walk around the house.

[whatsnextmom]

Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions? To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences? This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.

OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.
 

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

I wouldn't change the way I dress. But, I'll be honest - I'm really creeped out by the attitude that there's something inappropriate about going to the bathroom or kitchen in one's own house, with all private body parts covered. If one of my kids was expressing discomfort with it, I'd cover up (and I've had conversations about this topic with ds1 in the past), except for breastfeeding. But, there's no way I'd let another adult's messed up (in my opinion, of course) ideas about the female body, modesty and sexuality dictate how I dressed in my own home. And, imo, that's what this is about - messed up ideas about those things.

[Lisa1970]

How is your dh dressing? Is he completely covering up? You are wearing at least as much as me. Does your dh realize your son will see complete strangers in public in a bikini? or less? 

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions? To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences? This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.

OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.
 

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions? To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences? This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.

OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.
 

So he is just allowed to go about in knit shorts, no undies, and no shirt all day long but GOD FORBID she run to the bathroom at 10 pm in her granny panties and tshirt that covers more than a swimsuit and isnt sexy at ALL? And you dont think that is a double standard? I dont think he is any kind of creep, but I think he obviously has issues with the female body otherwise he, himself, wouldnt run around with less clothing on than her while he's just watching tv and lounging about.

I feel like this has gotten blown WAY out of proportion. We are talking about a mom going to the bathroom or getting a glass of water late at night, right before bed, in her own house. We arent talking about a mom who is running around naked in front of her kid in broad daylight (not that I really think there is anything wrong with that if everyone is okay with it). We arent talking about OP dressing that way when company is over, when she is hanging out with her kid, or really ever except right before bed.

Her DH can go around with very little clothing all day long, but she has to wear a bathrobe to get a glass of water? No. That is just ridiculous. It is a double standard and completely unfair. If he wants to make new rules for the house, he should agree to abide by them too.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions?

Who jumped to those conclusions? I don't think he's a "domineering creep", nor do I think he's particularly controlling. I think assuming that his son must be bothered by his mom wearing underwear (that fully covers her private areas) is creepy. And, I find the underlying viewpoint of human sexuality creepy. And, I'm not saying anything about the OP's dh. I'm saying that I, personally, wouldn't accede to this request, because I, personally, think that would mean allowing an unhealthy view of clothing, sexuality, etc. to trump a healthier one.

To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences?

This isn't about giving an ounce on my personal preferences. This is about my philosophical view of the female body (as that's the one being told to cover up - but I wouldn't like it any more the other way around), attitudes around sexuality, etc. I wouldn't tell my husband to stop talking to me, but those concerns creep me out. They simply do.

This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.

Perverse opinions? Not necessarily. His viewpoints are actually very culturally understandable. However, I find them every bit as offensive as people who object to NIP, or to the story posted here last year about the mom freaking out because a man walked into a men's room while her son was in there (*gasp* - a man, using the men's room - what a pervert, right?).

OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.
 

You quoted me. This isn't a women's rights issue to me at all. It's an issue of how people perceive the human body - male or female - and their attempts to force push those views on someone else. I think OP's dh's concers about this are over the top, unfounded, and symptomatic of a culture that's really, really sick on the subject of the human body. If I were the OP, I think I'd probably talk to my son about this, and see how he's coping. But, it's not about gender. It's about the idea that there's something inappropriate about someone moving from one room in their home to another one, just because their child is home. That's an idea that I find deeply personally offensive, and there's no way in hell that I'd honor dh's view on this. YMMV, but I don't see why it's okay for the OP's dh to have an opinion on this, and not okay for me to have one. He thinks there's something wrong with OP doing what she's doing. I think there's something wrong with thinking that. It's not just about "he has concerns and I should take them into account." I do take dh's concerns into account. But, his concerns don't trump mine, and I'm not going to send my children messages about the human body that I believe to be damaging, just because he thinks I should.

And, I frankly find the idea that I have an anti-male slant highly amusing. I find MDC to border on man-hating at times, and it's one of the things that's almost driven me away on several occasions. Having a strong philosophical viewpoint that's at odds with the OP's dh doesn't make me "anti-male".

ETA: I just reread my original post and see that I specifed "female body", which is probably where you got the bizarre idea that I'm coming from an anti-male perspective. OP's dh doesn't seem to have any problem with hanging around the house partially clothed himself, and is only asking that his wife cover up her body, which is female. His concerns are obviously about her partially clothed body being a female one, which is why I said "female" in my first post. In general, I think we have messed up ideas about the human body, modesty and sexuality. This particular instance happens to be about messed up ideas about a female body, specifically, but it goes both ways. (The number of people who seem to think that even seeing an adult human penis will scar a child for life constantly blows my mind.)
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 



So he is just allowed to go about in knit shorts, no undies, and no shirt all.

I think that's really, really tacky. My husband wouldn't dream of being in any room other than our bedroom like that.

Neither of us go about the house in our underwear, or worse, no underwear and clothes that things could fall out of.

Different families are different, and others are comfortable with things we wouldn't be. To me, it isn't about the gender of the parents and the children. I don't run around in clothes that show my underwear in front of my DDs. I just don't. I think it's tacky to do so. If there were some real reason, like we camping or something, that would be one thing, but just as a day to day thing around the house, it's just not how we do things at our house.

And no, we aren't prudes or messed up or anything. We all go swimming as a family. May be it's our age, or the fact that I'm from the midwest and my DH is British. I don't know, but we just don't run around the house in our underwear.

I don't see why the *rules* should be different based on the gender of the parent or child, though. It seems like a family ought to be "underwear friendly" or not.

[Nasubi77]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 



So he is just allowed to go about in knit shorts, no undies, and no shirt all day long but GOD FORBID she run to the bathroom at 10 pm in her granny panties and tshirt that covers more than a swimsuit and isnt sexy at ALL? And you dont think that is a double standard? I dont think he is any kind of creep, but I think he obviously has issues with the female body otherwise he, himself, wouldnt run around with less clothing on than her while he's just watching tv and lounging about.

I feel like this has gotten blown WAY out of proportion. We are talking about a mom going to the bathroom or getting a glass of water late at night, right before bed, in her own house. We arent talking about a mom who is running around naked in front of her kid in broad daylight (not that I really think there is anything wrong with that if everyone is okay with it). We arent talking about OP dressing that way when company is over, when she is hanging out with her kid, or really ever except right before bed.

Her DH can go around with very little clothing all day long, but she has to wear a bathrobe to get a glass of water? No. That is just ridiculous. It is a double standard and completely unfair. If he wants to make new rules for the house, he should agree to abide by them too.

Just to be fair, I said he sometimes goes without a shirt.  Usually if he's working in the garden or yard or if it's close to bedtime, the same time frame I'm talking about for myself.  I don't know if it's a southern thing, but a guy not wearing a shirt is really no big deal.  You can drive through town and see more than one guy walking around shirtless on any given summer day. 

Neither of us go about the house in our underwear, or worse, no underwear and clothes that things could fall out of.

The types of shorts he wears do not put him in danger of "falling out".  After living with him for 13 years, I have never caught a "glimpse" of anything while he is dressed, no matter if it's his lounging shorts or going out in public shorts (the biggest difference being the lounging shorts usually have elastic waistbands while the going out shorts button and zip). 

This has been a very interesting conversation!  It has gone from a casual conversation DH and I have had at home to a very passionate issue for some of you!

[meemee]

OP this is just the beginning i think. i recall seeing this with my parents. as we got older they had to work hard on parenting issues. 

if you feel just putting on sleep shorts is good (oh my i have some and they i think are worse than underwear - got them extra with my pj set) for you then that is fine. but if you are putting on shorts with a grudge against your dh just to keep the peace in the house then think about talking about it to your dh. 

i would use this situation to get into the habit of talking about things, rather than one parent doing what the other parent is uncomfortable just because. 

in my family my dad was a GREAT parent to us when we were kids, but as teenagers he just freaked out. instead my mom became the great parent as a tween and teenager. i have so much respect for her because she fought hard and strong (it also strenthened their marriage) to help my dad tow a 'non freak out' line. 

[Mummoth]

What is your DH's response when you say your PJ's cover more than your swim suit? I think as long as private parts are covered, it's nobody's business but your own. I wear the same kind of things for PJ's as the OP, and I think if my son was uncomfortable with that, he'd need a reality check! I won't not go swimming for his teen years if my modest swim suit makes him uncomfortable, why would I change what he might see for 30 seconds while I run to the bathroom in the morning? Being uncomfortable and getting over it is part of puberty.