Mama exposing too much? - Page 4

[Imakcerka]

Uh, okay. We are the run around in whatever kind. DH recently asked that I ask the girls to wear more than just their chonies. Because he's uncomfortable. As a father, his feelings are valid. Now where the son is concerned your DH might just remember what it felt like to be you DS's age. My brother once confided in me that when he was 12 he saw our moms chest and it freaked him out because, 1. it's his mother and 2. he was slightly turned on. And thus he felt shame.

And I will leave you with that.

[kayleesmom]

I would say no but also thiknk about frm ur sons prospective at his age maybe ur hubby is thinking wow well at 11 I felt uncomfy so he must also

[sharon71]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Its a family decision, but your husband is a member of your family. I don't see what your big deal is about throwing on a pair of shorts or a bathrobe when you walk around your house. You know it bothers him, but you keep doing it because....... why?

Sleep in whatever you want, but cover your a$$ when you walk around the house.

wow! so her husband get to dictate how she's dresses? that would not fly in my home. My DH does not control me and that includes telling me how to dress inside my home or outside of it!!
 

[Imakcerka]

I don't think it has anything to do with what her husband dictates. He was a boy once, he knows what goes on in a boys head. He may be begging her in order to alleviate any stress she may cause her son. And since none of us are boys I doubt any of us have a leg to stand on in this argument.

And furthermore, I don't see it as being respectful of anyone to say her husband is trying to control her. I don't know many wives or husbands who do things they know bothers the other, if they're that vocal about it.

[lindberg99]

Originally Posted by sharon71 

wow! so her husband get to dictate how she's dresses? that would not fly in my home. My DH does not control me and that includes telling me how to dress inside my home or outside of it!!
 

If her husband was really controlling how she dresses, I don't think she would be here asking opinions of whether or not she should put on pants. She would be doing it because she would be afraid of what he would do to her if she didn't.

When you live with another person, you have to take their feelings into consideration and make compromises. Is him asking her to sleep in boxers rather than panties really any different than the other compromises we all make each day to live happily with others? My husband got a small reading light after I asked him to because his bedside lamp was too bright for me when I was trying to sleep. Does that mean I control him? Not in my book. It means he is being considerate of my feelings.

[sharon71]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I don't think it has anything to do with what her husband dictates. He was a boy once, he knows what goes on in a boys head. He may be begging her in order to alleviate any stress she may cause her son. And since none of us are boys I doubt any of us have a leg to stand on in this argument.

And furthermore, I don't see it as being respectful of anyone to say her husband is trying to control her. I don't know many wives or husbands who do things they know bothers the other, if they're that vocal about it.

Her husband can ask her to cover up yes but only ask her.

I guess my issue was more with the way Linda on the move addressed the OP like the OP had to do as her DH said just because he said too. therefore dictating/controlling the OP.

[Imakcerka]

I don't think what Linda said was much different than what others said.  Maybe you just don't like the delivery. 

 

Originally Posted by sharon71 

Her husband can ask her to cover up yes but only ask her.

I guess my issue was more with the way Linda on the move addressed the OP like the OP had to do as her DH said just because he said too. therefore dictating/controlling the OP.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I don't think it has anything to do with what her husband dictates. He was a boy once, he knows what goes on in a boys head. He may be begging her in order to alleviate any stress she may cause her son. And since none of us are boys I doubt any of us have a leg to stand on in this argument.

I beg your pardon? There are roughly 3 billion male human beings on this planet, and assuming that OP's dh has any special insight into their son's opinion on this, simply because they both have a penis, is illogical. This sort of situation, ime, has far, far more to do with individual temperament and relationship dynamics than it does with gender.

And furthermore, I don't see it as being respectful of anyone to say her husband is trying to control her. I don't know many wives or husbands who do things they know bothers the other, if they're that vocal about it.

 

If it bothers the OP's dh, then maybe he should say so, instead of projecting his concerns about her lack of pants onto their son. OP's dh is operating on the assumption that their son is bothered, not on the fact that he is bothered.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by lindberg99 

If her husband was really controlling how she dresses, I don't think she would be here asking opinions of whether or not she should put on pants. She would be doing it because she would be afraid of what he would do to her if she didn't.

My ex tried to control me in many ways, and I was never once afraid of what he would do to me. Controlling behaviour doesn't always mean that some kind of punishment will ensue if "unacceptable" behaviour is occurring.

When you live with another person, you have to take their feelings into consideration and make compromises. Is him asking her to sleep in boxers rather than panties really any different than the other compromises we all make each day to live happily with others? My husband got a small reading light after I asked him to because his bedside lamp was too bright for me when I was trying to sleep. Does that mean I control him? Not in my book. It means he is being considerate of my feelings.

You don't see a difference between these two things? Really? They're so incredibly different to me that I'm boggled that one would even use the reading light thing in this discussion. I'd get a small reading light in a heartbeat (in fact, it's on my personal "wish list") to avoid bothering dh when I read. I absolutely would not put on boxers if I were already wearing briefs, because dh decided to get into a tizzy about what I had on my body. I also wouldn't expect my partner to dress in a way that I felt was appropriate, if they were comfortable in what they were wearing. Obviously, this varies from relationship to relationship, as I've seen many women, and a few men, try to control the way their partners dress, but it's way, way, way outside the bounds of behaviour that I find acceptable. DH can wear whatever he wants, in our room, house or outside. (So can I.) He absolutely cannot tell me what to wear, under any circumstances, and I definitely feel that attempting to do so falls into the category of controlling behaviour. Compromise isn't involved at all, when someone else is saying "you do A with your body, because I don't like you doing B".

[Imakcerka]

Stormbride, it appears as though you're projecting your own personal experience into the OP's situation.  While I can respect that you may not have had the greatest relationship and that may be what you're going by, you're actually just insighting division by siding with the OP over very little information. 

Now if you have good insight into the male and you young male thought process when viewing naked women, consider familiar and none please share.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I'm going to answer directly to the OPs original question. I've got 3 boys, ages 7, 10, and 12 yrs old. I sleep in a t-shirt and undies during the summer too. I also have no problem walking around the house that way. My bathing suit covers less, and I've never had a problem wearing that in front of the boys. Of course I've also been known to walk around in my bra and pants or shorts while running downstairs to get a shirt from the laundry. Again, I figure it's covering what most bathing suits cover, so no big deal. So, it does seem strange to me that your dh would be concerned about it, unless of course your son expressed some sort of concern directly to him. As for the complexity of your dh feeling uncomfortable with your ds seeing you that way, I'm just not sure. I asked and my dh doesn't care. His exact words were, "Why would I care? You've got more coverage on than your bathing suit."

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Stormbride, it appears as though you're projecting your own personal experience into the OP's situation.  While I can respect that you may not have had the greatest relationship and that may be what you're going by, you're actually just insighting division by siding with the OP over very little information. 

Now if you have good insight into the male and you young male thought process when viewing naked women, consider familiar and none please share.

I'm not projecting anything. He's trying to tell her how to dress (based on his own projections about what his son might be thinking). That's all the information I need, because, imo, that's controlling, in and of itself. If that's behaviour that's acceptable in the OP's marriage, that's between her and her dh. But, I find it inherently controlling. (The nature of my first marriage has nothing to do with it, and my ex never tried to tell me how to dress in any case. I only brought my first marriage up at all, because someone was asserting that if the OP's dh were controlling, then she wouldn't even have posted, because she'd be too afraid of what he'd do, which is inaccurate.) Telling one's partner how to dress crosses a line that I, personally, won't tolerate. That doesn't mean I think everyone else has to have the same boundaries. It also doesn't mean that I think the OP's dh necessarily has a pattern of being controlling.

I have no idea what you mean by "consider familiar and none".

However - insight into which male and young male thought process? My ex? My dh? My son? The OP's dh? The OP's son? They're all different males/young males, and they don't have the same thought processes. (The OP is also not naked in the discussion at hand.) In any case...I still wear underwear around the house, and ds1 is 18. He's not even a little bit bothered by it. He never has been. He'd have told me if he did. (He had a bit of discomfort with it when I breastfed in front of his friends when he was about 13, and we talked about that, but it wasn't a huge deal, and he agreed with me that breastfeeding is totally natural, and he didn't want me to stop.) My ex wouldn't care at all, as it turns out that he's gay. DH? IDH's mom was always fully dressed, as far as I can tell. But, he's never expressed any concern about me walking around in my underwear (which covers the same as a bathing suit, as others have mentioned), and doesn't show any signs of worrying that it's going to scar the boys. (He's ds1's stepdad, but has lived here since ds1 was 8, and my ex is almost 100% absent from ds1's life, so dh is/was the father figure throughout ds1's puberty and adolescence.) My mom was casual about underwear on her way to the bathroom and such, and it never bothered my brother, either. (He may even have been home a few of the times when migraine-induced vomiting drove her to the bathroom naked. If so, I can assure you he never saw anything sexual about it.)

I have no insight into "the" male and young male mind, because they're all different. Yes - there are similarities, and there are truths that probably apply to most pubescent/adolescent males (eg. I do think the majority of them are somewhat - or more than somewhat - preoccupied with sex...of course, most of the teenage girls I knew were, too), but they're all different.

[Imakcerka]

Familiar and non, family or not.

Ok fine you win, he's a telling her what to do it's cut and dry.  Thanks for clearing it up.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Familiar and non, family or not.

Ok fine you win, he's a telling her what to do it's cut and dry.  Thanks for clearing it up.

Okay - I reread the OP, and I'd misremembered. You're right. He's not exactly telling her what to do. However, "fussing" at me about it would be just as over the boundary in my own marriage. And, again - I'm not the OP and I'm not claiming to be. I'm not sure why you're getting so bent about the lines I personally draw about my body and my marriage. I'm well aware that lots of couples are okay with telling each other how to dress, chiding each other over their dress sense, etc. It's simply not acceptable to me, in my marriage.

This isn't that cut and dry for everyone, and I haven't "cleared it up" for anyone else. OP's dh's behaviour would obviously be okay with and acceptable to many of the posters in this thread. I can't tell OP what her boundaries should be, and I wouldn't try. I've really just been trying to make the point that the "it's not that hard (or that big a deal) to thrown on some shorts" sentiment in this thread isn't a universal truth. It absolutely would be that big a deal to me, and I absolutely wouldn't do it. Only the OP knows where she draws her own lines.