Five week old - am I setting him up for bad sleeping habits?

[Partaria]

Okay, get ready for some foolish questions. I'm a first time mom and I have a few concerns about our sleep setup.

All day long, we wear DS. I wear him from the time we wake up (around 8 or 9) to the time my husband gets home, then he wears him until around 8 pm. At that time, DH goes to bed (he works a really early shift), and I take DS back, again, wearing him. All day, DS sort of drifts in and out of sleep while in our carriers. We have him out for diaper changes and to nurse, but for the most part, he's in a carrier.

At around 11 or 12 at night, DS seems to enter really deep sleep, and I take him to the bedroom, ease him out of his carrier, and we go to sleep (we bedshare).

I recently read on Dr. Sears site that it's good to establish regular naptimes during the day, and that it's best if a baby is napping in the same environment/context in which he would sleep during the night. Clearly, we're not following those guidelines since DS doesn't sleep in a carrier at night, he sleeps in our bed.

Am I setting him up for bad sleeping habits in the future? Would he sleep longer at night (he wakes every couple of hours for a diaper change and some nursing) if we didn't wear him so much during the day and tried to sleep in the bed with him at regular times during the day? He can't self-soothe back to sleep at night, he needs me to wake up and nurse him or rock him. Am I setting him to never be able to self-soothe?

Or is it just too darn early to be worryin' about any of this?

[Nikitta34]

I wont' be much help here, but I'm interested to hear others' responses. DH is almost 4 mo now and we are in the same boat. He sleeps on me during the day and now even at night he won't stay asleep in bed (after I nurse him in bed), so I have to have him on me until I go to bed with him.

[katelove]

IMO, it's just too darn early to be worried about this. 

At 5 weeks there is no way your babe should be expected to self settle or go longer than 2 hours between feeds (some babies do, of course, but what your LO is doing is totally normal). What you're doing sounds perfect to me.

I only have one child so that is the extent of my experience, but DH and I didn't worry at all about "creating bad habits". I don't really believe that you can at that age. We just did what worked for her and us and, when it stopped working we did something else. J slept in a carrier or on the lounge beside us during the day and in bed with us at night from birth to about 4 months old. We had no problems changing to the bed during the day for daytime sleeps as she got older.

And, at 13 months she still doesn't self-soothe and we still don't require it of her 

I would say you are what you're doing is fantastic and, as long as you're both getting enough rest and it's otherwise working for you, carry on doing just what you've been doing.

[Shenjall]

Yup.  What katelove said (especially the "what you're doing is fantastic part ;)).  If this works for you and your dh, then keep at 'er!  Children's sleep patterns will change thru their childhood due to many factors - and that's quite normal.  Everyone being happy and well rested is what's important at this time, not sleep schedules.  :)

And to give you my experience (and hopefully put your mind at ease) with our last 2 kids (we have 6 total) we decided to throw out the "books" and "experts" and just get some sleep.  We co-slept at night and my youngest napped on me during the day until she was over 1.  Eventually we transitioned them (gently, at their pace and comfort level) to their own beds in our room and then into their own rooms.  They are both perfectly capable of self soothing, if they want, but we're always there when they need us too.  (hey, I like a hug after a bad dream, why wouldnt they, right? :) )  They are now 11 and 8 and in just my experience with *my* 6 kids, they are the best sleepers out of all of them. (could be dumb luck, lol, but it's true)

Oh, and there's no such thing as foolish questions.  :)

Good Luck!!  :)

[porttack]

Hi mama, I agree with PPs that what you are doing is great and you are not setting DS up for bad sleeping habits. I am not even sure I entirely agree with naps having to take place where nighttime takes place, but anyway, it's way too early and the best place for DS is with you, on you. I commend you for the amount of babywearing you both do! If your LO is gaining weight and producing diapers, he can wake up as often or as infrequently as he wants, nothing to worry about. We were up every 1.5 hours with DS at that age and nursed even more frequently during the day.

[Partaria]

Thanks, mamas! Really appreciate the feedback. I don't believe in sleep training that involves letting kids cry it out. But I did have some fears that maybe I wasn't "training" him to nap or something like that. But I guess you're right. It's early, and his habits will inevitably change over time anyway.

We just kind of fell into the baby carrying thing. I didn't plan to babywear all day long, but honestly, it's the only thing that keeps him happy. If he's out of a carrier, any type of carrier, you have about 20 minutes maximum of peace with him. Then it's all up with the fussin'. :)

I jsut get so frustrated when people tell me I should be napping when my baby naps. I can't really do that since he only sleeps in a baby carrier on me. :) I'm also not a fan of the question "what times of the day does he go down for a nap?" DS doesn't "go down" for naps. He lives in his sling and sleeps whenever the mood strikes him!

[HappyWoman]

I agree that there is no need to worry about sleep and bad habits. You are doing a great job.

I found it very helpful, for my own well-being, to nurse in a side lying position in bed with DS, several times a day. He would sometimes fall asleep, and if he did, then I would often do a "Savasana" - relaxation pose with a silk eye covering over my eyes. Even 20 minutes was AWESOME.

In the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book she says that her #1 piece of advice is to get the baby in the habit of napping in a bed without you, especially if you co-sleep. I started doing this at about 3 months, and it was VERY HELPFUL to me. I'd nurse in bed, and lay with him until he was deeply asleep. Then I'd tip-toe away. Sometimes naps were only 45 minutes long, but they allowed me to have some time to meditate, practice yoga, or have some intimate time with DH.

Once our little guy started moving around, and it wasn't safe for him to be in bed by himself, we created a napping spot in the floor with a sleeping bag and blankets, in a child-proofed room.

[Chrysta]

If you want to try having him nap in the bedroom, try swaddling with a light blanket that you've been wearing around your shoulders (the smell will remind baby you're not far away).

[Kobaby]

I didn't wear my baby quite as much as you do, but he was in the carrier a lot. He once took a six hour nap in there!! I didn't think to worry about it, it's just what worked for him and me.

We're a bit different in that I would either put the baby down when he fell asleep at the boob, or nap with him in bed after he fell asleep at the boob. That was how I got sleep during the day!

Just recently (my son is 7 months) he has begun getting a bit more independent. I think this happened in tangent with his weight gain! He is 22lbs now, and from about 20lbs onwards it became easier to try and get him to nap outside the carrier. He also seemed ready for that step. I still let him nap in the carrier if we're out and about, but he only takes 30 minute naps in there now as opposed to those long long naps at the beginning. I feel as though he's trying to tell us that his baby carrier stage is almost over!

Just a wee peek from a possible future for you and your baby!

[Asiago]

Too darn early to worry about it 

I didn't even see a nap pattern evolve naturally until about six months of age, then it gave me something to work off of. Even so, he napped in his carrier (off and on) until he was about 13 months of age. Then he started to nap in our bed, the same bed he sleeps in at night since we are a bed sharing family.

You and your husband sound as if you are doing a wonderful job with your little one, addressing needs so well.

Best wishes and congratulations on the arrival of your wee one.

[Nikitta34]

Very helpful replies! Thanks, everyone. :)

[just_lily]

Everyone I know that was concerned about setting up "bad habits" only caused themselves more stress.  Seriously.  It is way, way too early to worry about any of that - just do whatever you need to do to get through the day!!  Your baby is still adjusting to living in the outside world. 

I started out holding DD for most of the day (she hated the restriction of being worn, but I was lucky she was small enough that my arms didn't get tired!).  For the first few weeks of her life she only slept ON me, including all night long.  Then it was between me and DH, then we transitioned her to a pack and play in our room.  By about six months she started out every night in her crib in her room, and we brought her in with us when she woke up.  By 18 months she started sleeping through the night in her crib.  Now she will be 3 tomorrow (oh my word!), she goes to bed very easily on her own every night in her "big girl bed", and still naps two hours every afternoon with very little fuss. 

I also agree with the PP that naps really don't consolidate until at least six months or so.  DD catnapped for about 45 minutes every two hours or so until she was probably 8 or 9 months.  Then we really got into a pattern of longer naps twice a day. 

Do the people who ask you what time your baby naps have kids?  There is no way I would expect a 5-week-old to have a nap "time" and I find it hard to believe that any parents would think that unless they are schedulers-to-the-extreme.  Babies that little just sleep on and off all day long - one of the best things about newbs, IMHO!!