I really need to end the cosleeping with toddler

[Lisa1970]

I hate to do this, but the cosleeping needs to come to an end. I have finally mostly weaned him. He is not nursing anymore, but sort of asking for it, but now seems to accept no for an answer. The problem is (otherwise, I would keep right on cosleeping and nursing) he is not a restful sleeper. He kicks all night long. He wakes up repeatedly. If I leave the room, he sleeps fine. But he only sleeps fine if in MY bed! I have another baby due in 2.5 months and am worried about her safety if I have such an active toddler in the bed with us. He wakes up repeatedly and seems distressed. So I will cuddle him and love on him but he barely calms down...until I get out of bed and leave! BUT..it is MY bed! HE needs the one to leave if he wants to be alone in the bed. He seems too little to understand any explanation of needing to sleep in his own bed. He is almost 22 months old. I know, some people's children understand at this age, but I don't think mine does. He does not even really talk yet. He has less than 10 words in his vocab. He is not cognitively challenged. My children have all been slow on the verbal end so I am not worried about it. I just do not recall any of them doing gymnastics in bed all night long.

And he is a little more like a dog. When he comes to bed, he sort of circles the bed a while, bunching up and scrunching up the blankets until he is happy how they are. He actually wants the entire king sized quilt to himself. He actually got up and walked to the end of the bed to remove the little tail end that was still on one of my feet and left me with nothing because it bothered him to have any on me. It may be cute, but when the newborn is here and I am trying to nurse her and have her safe in bed, this is not going to be ok. 

I want to make this transition as easy as possible..as gentle as possible. I have already tried, but we clearly need to go to greater lengths. We have 3 places for him to sleep other than our bed and are willing to consider more ideas. There is a trundle in his brothers' room..so he would be very close to the floor. It is a twin and it is comfy. I know this because I have slept there for months. His sister, who is out of town now, is willing to share her queen sized bed with him. I actually do not think her bed is as soft as the trundle, but the big size might be to his liking. And then he has his own toddler bed in our room. I guess we could also maybe pull the trundle out and put it in our room in place of the toddler bed. 

But, there is more to this than which bed. Like..how to get him there. How to get him to stay there. Thank you so much for your help! I hope someone can help!

[insidevoice]

I don't know- I'm struggling with getting two who are like this out of my bed.  It is, at this point, MY need to stop cosleeping with them, but there weren't any answers to that post either. :P  I think it's not popular to discuss this transition here. :/ 

I wish you luck with finding a solution!  

[Lisa1970]

Thank you insidevoice. I hope we both can find solutions soon.

[Mama_of_1]

What if he got to go to the store and pick out HIS new bedding?  You could make the biggest fuss over what a special thing it is and give it a shot.  Maybe do it with whatever bed he already naps in, if it's not your bed?  If it is your bed, maybe start him napping in another bed...

Sorry, I know it's not much but that's all that's coming to me right now...

Good luck!!!

[insidevoice]

Short of duct tape, velcro, or a lot of superglue, I am clueless (yes, I am joking about these!)

 I know that for my kids, picking out bedding wouldn't register at all- particularly when they are largely pre-verbal (I have late talkers here and one who is a VERY late talker with diagnosed delays.)  One thing that may be worth trying would be to have Dad take over all nighttime stuff if that is an option- and if he is mostly attached to sleeping with you, but you'd really need to plan that for a time when everyone could deal with a rough few nights. even then, I don't know how well it would work.  

[ElliesMomma]

you said the sister who would share her queen is out of town right now? perfect time for YOU to start sleeping with the toddler in the queen. for as many nights as you can (ie, until she returns). get him used to sleeping in THAT bed. hopefully she is away for at least a week or more? set it up ALL REAL NICE for him, let him adjust the sheets and blankets however he likes. have a stuffed animal or whatever. whatever he likes and however he likes it. THERE. then you sleep with him, there. 

and when sister returns, you STILL start him off in that bed overnight, then once he's asleep, you and sister make the switch, you leaving and her getting in.

at least that's what i would recommend you try, given the information you have provided.

good luck!

[NiteNicole]

Can you put a toddler bed in your room for him?  Mine would've been satisfied with her own little space nearby.  If you could lie down with him till he gets to sleep and then get in your bed, maybe that would work?

[Lisa1970]

LOL..this might make you laugh but..I tried that last night. He left the bed and went back and slept in mine. My dh has been sleeping with him in our bed for a few months now while we were trying to wean him. While my daughter was here, I was sleeping on the very comfy trundle in the boys' room. But, it is low to the ground and I am very pregnant and it was getting too hard to get up from. So, when my daughter left, I switched to her bed. I think it is my bed my 1 yr old wants, not me. But I want and NEED my own bed back.
 

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma 

you said the sister who would share her queen is out of town right now? perfect time for YOU to start sleeping with the toddler in the queen. for as many nights as you can (ie, until she returns). get him used to sleeping in THAT bed. hopefully she is away for at least a week or more? set it up ALL REAL NICE for him, let him adjust the sheets and blankets however he likes. have a stuffed animal or whatever. whatever he likes and however he likes it. THERE. then you sleep with him, there. 

and when sister returns, you STILL start him off in that bed overnight, then once he's asleep, you and sister make the switch, you leaving and her getting in.

at least that's what i would recommend you try, given the information you have provided.

good luck!

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole 

Can you put a toddler bed in your room for him?  Mine would've been satisfied with her own little space nearby.  If you could lie down with him till he gets to sleep and then get in your bed, maybe that would work?

We have one in our room. He likes the bed for jumping on. But when it comes to sleep, nope. We even have tried moving him after he is asleep and he just wakes up. I was considering taking the trundle from the boys room and moving it to ours, even though that will look very very silly. But the trundle has a very soft mattress on it that even I liked sleeping in. It has the feel of our mattress...sort of. Close enough that I liked it. But it would take up way more space than the toddler bed so it seems like a lot to do if it won't matter. Plus, well, it just seems really odd to have what is basically a twin mattress on the floor (it is the trundle that slides under the twin bed in the boys room).

[crunchy_mommy]

I have no experience with this, but just an idea -- could you take most of the bedding from your bed & put it on the trundle (or whichever bed you choose)? Has he slept in your bed only, since birth? If that's the case, I guess I don't blame him for wanting to stay in the place he's always slept, so if you could somehow make his new bed as similar as possible to his old one, maybe he'd be more comfortable?

[howeberry]

This may sounds a little insane and complex, but what if you remove your bed (store it in the attic/basement/spare room) and replace it with your daughters for a couple days. Removing the bed all together. That would sort of force the issue of him sleeping in a new location/bed. I realize that means no one gets the bed, but if you have the muscle to help and space, it might do the trick.

[WildinTheory]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

I have no experience with this, but just an idea -- could you take most of the bedding from your bed & put it on the trundle (or whichever bed you choose)? Has he slept in your bed only, since birth? If that's the case, I guess I don't blame him for wanting to stay in the place he's always slept, so if you could somehow make his new bed as similar as possible to his old one, maybe he'd be more comfortable?

This is how my son moved out of our bed.  For him, it turns out he was very attached to our bedding rather than the actual room or bed. 

Somehow when DS and DH were playing in our bed the sheet got ripped.  It was my LL Bean flannel and I only had one of those so I ordered another.  When it arrived I was excited.  I told my DS how excited I was about having a new comfy sheet in a new color.  Well he FREAKED out.  He was hysterical at the idea that the original sheet would be gone.  While I was empathetic, I told him that I wasn't willing to sleep on a ripped sheet but that if he wanted I could put it on his double bed.  It was a king size and ridiciously huge but I tucked it on and gave him my king size duvet as well.  It wasn't totally painless but as I type he's in his bed with our blanket (which he is still very attached to).  I've since replaced the ripped sheet with one of the correct size but otherwise exactly the same as the sheet he's attached to.  He didn't notice and I didn't mention it. 

[Lisa1970]

I will try the sheets and blankets. He might actually he attached to the quilt on our bed. He pulls it all around him at night and refuses to share.
 

Originally Posted by WildinTheory 

This is how my son moved out of our bed.  For him, it turns out he was very attached to our bedding rather than the actual room or bed. 

Somehow when DS and DH were playing in our bed the sheet got ripped.  It was my LL Bean flannel and I only had one of those so I ordered another.  When it arrived I was excited.  I told my DS how excited I was about having a new comfy sheet in a new color.  Well he FREAKED out.  He was hysterical at the idea that the original sheet would be gone.  While I was empathetic, I told him that I wasn't willing to sleep on a ripped sheet but that if he wanted I could put it on his double bed.  It was a king size and ridiciously huge but I tucked it on and gave him my king size duvet as well.  It wasn't totally painless but as I type he's in his bed with our blanket (which he is still very attached to).  I've since replaced the ripped sheet with one of the correct size but otherwise exactly the same as the sheet he's attached to.  He didn't notice and I didn't mention it.