26 mo obsessed w/ nursing since new baby - help!

[Comtessa]

My 26 mo DD has become obsessed with nursing since her baby brother arrived.  He is now 9 weeks old, and the constant nursing has me completely exhausted.  We have to do something to make a change, but I can't figure out what to do! 

I nurse DS on demand.  So DD is now demanding to nurse just as frequently (actually, more frequently).  Before he was born, we were down to nursing maybe 2-3 times a day, and we had successfully nightweaned.  Now, she's probably nursing 6-8 times a day, and begging to nurse nearly every half hour.  Every time she sees the baby latch on, she's at my elbow, whining "MY mama milk!  Baby away!"  It has become a real sibling-rivalry thing for her: as she sees it, the baby is replacing her at the breast.  I can't nurse her and the baby at the same time -- I've tried.  She only wants to nurse from the breast where the baby is nursing. 

Everyone I know IRL who has tandem-nursed said it helped with sibling rivalry; in our case, it seems to be the source of it.  So I don't know anyone who has had this problem and can offer any advice. 

This all seems to get worse every day, and positively horrific at night.  Now, she'll nurse for nearly an hour at bedtime -- switching from one breast to the other every ten seconds -- and still not settle down to sleep.  If the baby needs to nurse at any point during this hour (and he usually does), she launches into full-blown jealous hysterics.  Lately, I've had to resort to lying down next to her with the baby, reading a book, trying to keep her from climbing on him to get to the breast, and then ignoring her while she whines and cries herself to sleep. 

She was nightweaned before the baby was born, but now if she wakes at night she always wants to nurse.  She'll scream and whine and make all of our lives miserable until I either give in or she wears herself out.  She'll often cry so loud it wakes up the baby, and then I have to nurse him back to sleep, prompting further hysterics from her.   I've taken to sleeping a separate room most of the night in a separate room with both kids, so her whining doesn't wake up DH too.  We're all miserable and the sleep deprivation is taking a toll on our health and our marriage.   

I don't think I want to wean her altogether, because it seems so clear that she needs that 'mama time.'   I hate having to push her away and say "No mama milk now, it's the baby's turn."  I hate having to take her off the breast and tell her she's done; I never had to do that before.  But lately, she'd hang out there all day if I let her!  No matter how long I nurse her, it's not enough; when I take her off the breast, her little face crumples into tears and she starts in on the whining again.  I am absolutely wrung out from constant nursing and/or battling with her about nursing, and DH is completely fried.  Plus, she seems miserable no matter how often or how long I nurse her.  Nobody is happy, but I don't know what to do. 

Any ideas? 

[Marissamom]

I have a 25 month old girl and a three month old boy, and my DD is a lot like yours. a couple things really helped: they each have an assigned side, if DS nurses on DD's side she gets really jealous, but she's perfectly fine if he just has his side because she knows there will be milk for her when it's her turn. when DD is nursing and DS starts crying, I ask DD if she can finish for I bit so I can take care of him. sometimes she delatches right away, sometimes she needs another minute but it makes her feel much more empowered to be part of the decision. I always nurse the baby right before DD's bedtime, and her bedtime nursing session (on her side only) doesn't get interrupted for anything, at the end she tucks her "baba" in and says night night to it. she sleeps in her room, by herself, and if she wakes DF is the one to go to her. I make her eat solids and drink water, otherwise she would choose to have breastmilk exclusively. and I try to get us out and about or involved in activities so that she gets distracted.