Queer and Pregnant: July, August, and September - Page 3

[MidwifeStephPDX]

Thread crashing to say that I love reading about all your pregnancies, and that I wish I could be your midwife Seraf! It kind of makes me nuts to read what you're going through with the OBs...

Just hate to see a woman clearly expressing choice and not being supported. I'm just glad you take in stride and with a sense of humor! :) So, what do you say? Family road trip to Oregon for a sweet homebirth? 

[seraf]

Midwife, they actually told me about the only cnm in the area. Said, we don't recommend her, but you are more likely to find what you want there. Then said they can't recommend the direct entry midwives at all. Lol. They knew them all. I just had a major personality clash with the cnm (me? I just can't imagine me clashing with anyone. Bwa ha ha). If I was willing to road trip for the birth, I could go to where my kids were born, it's only an hour and a half from here. And I loved my midwives. I may ask one of them still if she can listen to the heart and tell me where my placenta is, I have no reason to believe it is anything but perfect but I figure it's info that can't hurt. Especially since I won't be able to listen with the fetoscope myself.

Mami, thinking of you today. I hope your appointment goes well. I hope you doctor supports whatever decision feels right for you and I hope you find out that you're having a healthy baby and th last 2 weeks of worry was just practice.

Yellow, thinking of you, too. Full term and effacing! You're doing great. We will be in Columbus today, so if you have that baby call me up and we will come say hi. (or if you have a hankering for zoo in a thunderstorm, call then, too).

[AmandaHope]

MidwifeStef: You're sweet.  Hope you're preggo and on this board more often soon.

Escher: I hope it feels good to start getting your home ready for your little one.  I'm down to a very few last things I want to find and do find that comforting.  This morning, I went to a used maternity place and found a cotton dress that I'm going to use to labor in at the hospital (instead of a hospital gown).  I'm really happy about it! 

Crystal: Sleeping bras are awesome.  I have a pink Bravado one that I wear every night (ok, actually two, since I do have to wash them sometimes ;-).  They aren't very supportive but are also good for around the house lounging after the baby is born. 

Seraf: It is really too bad that those direct entry midwives are so far away.  Sigh. Any word on their decision about whether the OBs will take you w/o the ultrasound?  Enjoy the zoo--hope it doesn't rain very much.

Mami: How did the appointment go?  How are you feeling about everything that's going on?

AFM: 36 week m/w appt last night was fabulous.  I finally met the head midwife in the practice, who has a reputation throughout the midwest as a pioneer and a favorite.  Now I see why.  She is so friendly and relaxed and a great communicator.  She spent about 30-40 minutes with us, talking about all sorts of things, but without being scattered.  We talked through the birth planning (ie, when to call, when to head to the hospital, what to bring, what to arrange with the pediatrician ahead of time, etc. etc.) and my own birth preferences, which she read carefully and commented on with support and insight.  Now I'm really hoping she happens to be on call when I'm in labor, but any of the other three midwives in the practice would be fine, too. I'm measuring just a bit small, and given my DD's weight, the midwife is guessing that I'll have a baby in the high 7lbs or low 8lbs.  Sounds perfect to me!  Five more days to go until term....

I wish my DD expressed more enthusiasm about her imminent little sister, though.  She tends not to perform for adults, which I support, but it is somewhat awkward when the midwife asks if she is excited, and she shrugs and goes back to her game on my phone.  She may be 9, but there are still going to be some jealousy issues.  She really wants to sleep in our bed (which we let her do once/week) and is now expressing her desire to nurse (!!!).  I explained firmly that I'm not making milk yet and also not comfortable with her nursing, given her age, but she doesn't seem to fully understand or accept that reasoning.  I might have to try to explain, somehow, that for babies, nursing is about food and comfort, but when older people suckle, it takes on a sexual connotation that is not ok or appropriate between mothers and older children.  This is dicey territory, for sure.  Any thoughts?? 

[LibraryLady]

AHope~ Your midwife visit sounds amazing. It's such a very real moment, isn't it? I'm glad you got to talk about your preferences.  I hope it all goes to plan.  As for DD, I'm sure she's very jealous, but you're good to be firm and clear about the feelings and behavior involved.

Seraf~  Keeping my fingers crossed for you two x

So tired of this heat...

[seraf]

AmandaHope, I think it's just not all that easy to talk about at her age.  I was 10 when my mom was pregnant with my sister and after several months of strangers talking to me about being excited, I was anything but vocal about it.  I don't think you have to go into the sexual-ness of breasts with your DD.  I think it's simple.

1-Babies are born knowing how to nurse, as long as they keep nursing, they keep knowing how to nurse, but when a baby is done nursing, their mouth forgets how to do it, and I can't tell you how it's done because I can't remember either.  If you don't nurse right, you won't get any milk and it will hurt me.  

2-Nursing is only supposed to happen after the baby is born because it can release a hormone that makes my uterus squeeze.  When the baby is out, that's good for my body, but before she comes it could cause trouble by making her come early.  

3-Big sisters have other important jobs (I'm practicing this one for Ari).  Like reading stories and singing songs to their little sisters.  Very important jobs that can't be performed with a mouth full of boobie.  

4-Pizza and ice cream taste better.

Library, 3 months is a hard age to travel with.  I vividly remember a trip when Ari was 4 months old and we drove 14 hours to Arkansas (for a surprise funeral), 14 hours to Florida and then 16 hours home in a week.  It was not a fun trip.

Escher, cribs have the awesome side effect of lots of underbed storage space!  If you wind up getting a car seat, you can keep it under there so your first time needing it isn't, "Dear?  I tripped over the carseat and I heard a snap.  Will you get the carseat and the baby and find us a ride to the hospital?"

AFM, nothing going on.  I won't find out until the August appointment if they're willing to see me or not.  I'm not so worried.  I mean, What's the worst that will happen?  They say find someone else?  When she said they might not be comfortable with me skipping the ultrasound, I said, if you have a hard time with that, you might not like my birth plan, either.  She didn't seem to hear me.

Nothing else, really.  Introducing Sara to the wonders of the Pirates of the caribean.  

Oh, I knit a hat!  From yarn made from an old t shirt!  I'm not a knitter, but I wanted to try out the yarn, so here she is.

[seraf]

Escher, I totally had the weirdest dream, I met you in real life because we were both in a creative writing contest (with a math component). We were about 14 years old and we traveled all over the country by bus writing and staying in the guest rooms of random people. There was a group of 6 or 8 of us, and at the end of the contest you and I each won a baby. They were roly poly babies, about 4 months old and we were walking down a hallway to the ceremony on the beach and someone pointed and said, "you girls, get those babies cleaned up." there were just 2 babies playing together on the floor. So we each grabbed one and took them to the bathroom and changed their diapers and gave them a bath in the sink so we could get to the beach, where we found out they were our prize. I was under the impression yours was a boy, but I only noticed for sure that mine was a girl because her diaper was poopy. I thought it was funny and thought I would share. Of course your name was Escher, not your real name at all.

[mami2mami]

Seraf- Thanks for the thoughts. I did not make it to the appointment yesterday due to the fact that I was having some cramping and discharge. Our doctor is about an hour away so we just went through the emergency department. The baby is fine and we have new us pictures. It has been a very stressful week for us. Our son started summer school a few weeks ago and unfortunately he cannnot speak. He is globally delayed and when he returned home from school this Tuesday it looked like someone whooped his a**. His school had no explanation and kept insisting that nothing happened to him. I escalated the issue and a teacher assistant from his classroom was arrested on Thursday for abuse on a special needs child. Now we look forward to court dates. My son's injuries (which incuded a scratch above his lip, swelling on his cheeks, a scratch on his right eye lid, blood shot eyeball, and to add to it swelling of the right eye) were documented by the police department and pictures were taken as evidence. Very stressful week!

Ahope- we did not make it to the appointment but I can say we are a lot calmer about the prospect of having a down syndrome baby. We are in no rush to get any type of testing for down syndrome, as long as we continue to hear a heartbeat and see a growing baby that is enough of a blessing.

[AmandaHope]

Mami: OMG, how terrible about your DS.  I can only imagine the pain and rage you must be feeling over this. What heartache.  How is your son?  Other than the scrapes, bruises, and swelling, is his behavior very different?  He must be scared.  Poor little guy.  I wish there was more I (we) could do here on this board to support you and your family right now, but please know that you are in my thoughts.  I hope you can take extra good care of yourselves during this extraordinarily stressful time.

[mami2mami]

Ahope-He is as good as can be expected. He has a feeding tube in place but with lots of effort and dedication we were able to get him to eat by mouth and solely by mouth. From what I hear the teacher assistant decided to try to feed him for the first time and she says he frustrated her because he did not want to eat. So, she got physical with him. Since the incident he has been giving us a very hard time when it comes to his feeds. He also has begun to cry a lot more than usual. We are just hoping that he is able to realize that we will not hurt him when we are feeding him because we would really hate to have to depend on his feeding tube once again. He has been eating by mouth now for about 4 months and I am hoping he continues on that path. He will be back to school on Monday and once again I am sure the school will be trying to feed him a snack. We are definitely hesitant about him going back to school period! As far as doing more to support us, trust me the words of support and encouragement have gone a long way with us. Thank you!!

[seraf]

Mami, I hope your son recovers physically and emotionally. I can understand how it would be hard to send him back, was she alone with him? Did no one else see and try to stop her? Hugs to you and your family.

[Mizyellow]

Mami- I am so sorry. I am sure you are livid and I hope that person gets justice. That is just so awful and I am thinking about you and your family.

Ahope: 36 weeks right?! You are so close to term! I agree with Seraf taht you don't have to bring sexuality into it at all. Just a simple explanation that if she tried to nurse A; It would hurt you and B: There wouldn't be enough food for the baby and the baby doesn't have any other options besides nursing. I am not sure how I will handle it if Lennon wants to nurse. I quit nursing at 2 and honestly couldn't imagine him nursing now.

Seraf- How was the zoo? I would have loved to come, it wasn't too hot. Stupid work, isn't it time for my maternity leave yet?! Oh wait, I have to have this stinking baby first! :)

How are things on the Sara front?

Other ladies: How is everyone doing/feeling?

AFM: 38 weeks. Tell me how to get this baby out?! Please? Here are a couple pics from last night. That is our house in the background! Today is Bossie Day (that is what we all call Chels) She got to sleep in until 9! Getting ready to go wake her up with cards and a homemade t-shirt and take her out for breakfast! Yay for Bossie!!

[AmandaHope]

Seraf and MizYellow: Did you see the "single mom and lonely" thread on the main Q&P page?  She lives in Columbus, so I thought of the two of you.

MizYellow: Awesome pics.  I love the attitude in the one in front of your (cute!) house. I feel like our bellies are very similar in size and shape.  I've gotten such random responses from people lately.  One woman said to me yesterday that I didn't look anywhere near 36 weeks, and just now, my neighbor told me I looked "about to pop."  Huh.  I don't feel like I look about to pop, but I know that people see in preggo bellies whatever they want to see...  I feel like I look just about right, honestly!  (On the other hand, I just squatted down to pick up laundry and split my pants--oops).  Are you getting comments on your belly these days?

How is everyone else? 

Here's a QOTD for those who have had the opportunity or foresight to think about it:  Is there anything unusual that you packed or plan to pack for your hospital bag (for those heading to hospitals) or at-home labor stash?  Other than the usual supplies (clothing, snacks, some music, nursing bras, etc.), any suggestions? 

[escher]

Hi Everyone,

QOTD: I haven't thought much yet about what I want to have around for our birth besides the things our midwives require. Lots of food, but I don't know yet what that will look like. I know that I do want to pack a transfer bag even though I don't expect to have to transfer, just because I don't want my wife or I to be trying to think about that if a transfer were necessary. There will certainly be lots of copies of our medical powers of attorney and other legal documents in the transfer bag. I look forward to seeing what other people are planning!

Mizyellow: You look great! I hope your baby comes soon!

Mami: I'm so sorry about the situation with your DS. That sounds awful.

Seraf: I LOVE your dream. What fun! It's great that we won babies--that sounds like a fantastic prize! It's interesting that I had a boy and you had a girl. I've been thinking this baby is going to be a boy, but a few nights ago I had the first dream I've had about this baby, and in that dream the baby was a girl. I know you've been guessing boy for you too, so it's funny that we both just had girl dreams!

AmandaHope: I'm glad that the head midwife was so great. It's exciting that you're getting so close to term! I'm sorry that your daughter isn't expressing great excitement yet about the new babe. I do think it is hard (at least for me) to feel excited about babies before they actually show up. Hopefully that part gets easier once the little one arrives.

Library: Hooray for watermelon! I hope that your next six weeks are delightful and not too fast! Your DP (DW?) will be home with Alice when you go back to work, right?

Crystal: How did the uterus shape checking ultrasound go?

AFM: I have a bit of a cough, which is annoying because my round ligaments (or something down there) hurts every time I cough. But it isn't too bad, and everything else seems to be going just fine. I got to swim in the ocean the other day, and I was surprised that the waves were not very comfortable when they hit me. I seem to be becoming a wimp.

[starling&diesel]

Hi all ... Back from our spectacular island getaway.

Mami ... What a travesty!  I am so sorry to hear what your little guy went through.  How horrible.  I hope that he's getting better?  Thank goodness he has advocates like you to take his experience in this world seriously, despite his delays and non-verbal communication.  You rock! 

Seraf ... Wild dream!  I love crazy preggo dreams.

Escher ... I was surprised to find that I didn't float as easily as I thought I would.  Weird.  When I was diving off of cliffs and docks I often felt like a medicine ball was crashing into my cervix, and it was slightly less than pleasant.  Perhaps I shouldn't have been diving, but damn, it felt great!

AFM:  27 weeks today!  Whoo hoo!  Starting to feel that heaviness that comes with the third trimester, which also technically starts today, I think.  I went to go see about getting my handle bars raised so that I won't be squooshing the baby as I bike-ride, and the lovely person helping me suggested that perhaps it might be time to set the bike aside.  It's true that I get BH when I ride, but nothing alarming.  I think I'll keep riding for a while.  What I wouldn't give for a really cute pink sparkly dutch bike with tall handles.  Instead I have a beat up old mountain bike that got stolen and then found and then needed to be rebuilt and now I feel a sense of duty to the darn thing.  I really want this but who the hell has that kind of money!?!

QOTD:  Super minimalists here.  We were planning for good food for our last homebirth that we ended up being risked out of.  We brought lots of food with us to the hospital, but I didn't eat a singe thing except a cherry popsicle that a friend brought.  My partner recently said, "If we end up at the hospital again this time, we don't need to bring all that food again, do we?" And I said, heck yeah, we do.  Last time I laboured at the hospital for less than six hours after they stripped my membranes, and then I delivered dd.  What if this time it takes 48 hours!?!  Good lord, I'm definitely going to want some yummy homemade gluten-free goodness for sure.  Other than that.  We had a homemade outfit ready (didn't fit, dd was too tiny) and a blanket that my mom knit.  That's about it. 

Would I do anything differently this time?  I'd bring something to wear, for sure.  I hadn't thought of that.  So all my labour and delivery pics and video star me in a not so lovely hospital gown.  Bah.

Oop.  Gotta go. Back later to catch up more. 

Oh, and I meant to add that I while we're not getting anything physical for the baby (beside a new carseat) I am so not prepared when it comes to having two kids.  I still nurse dd to sleep!  How the hell is that going to work when the new one comes.  I have very low supply, and now that I'm making milk again, she's a nursing fiend!  She understands that the baby can only have my milk while she can eat fun things like blueberry smoothies and poutine, but I don't want her to feel shoved to the side when her little brother comes.  And we fill up a king sized bed with the three of us, so where will we put him?  Argh.  Eighty days, give or take, to figure it out. 

Edited by starling&diesel - 7/10/11 at 2:25pm

[seraf]

AmandaHope, I saw the post on the front page. It's sad, I have been trying to think of something meaningful to say. I seem to be drawing a blank so I guess il resort to my usual junk.

AOTD: weird things for the birth, I will make a birth stool. I would use it at home or hospital, I know it's a comfortable position for me and I know the commercial ones aren't so comfy. Camera is huge, of course. Trying to remember the first couple of days. I just sat on the couch and nursed. With Ari I took pain killers around the clock for afterpains, but the hospital will have those. I don't even have weird things planned if the baby comes here. Birth stool and shower for comfort during labor. Blanket, hat, bowl for placenta (tho it could just fall into the bucket at the bottom of the birth stool) string and scissors for cord. Small bowl for potty, diapers and towels to keep the world dry, bucket to empty potty/put wet towels and diapers in. Tape measure and scale (might buy a real baby scale). Going to print out a newborn assessment and make marks on the inside of of the birth stool/ bucket to gauge amniotic fluid and blood loss. If the baby comes at home I will call and set her up a doctor appointment, kids' doc will take her and get her in super fast. If anything seems wrong I will take her to the ER, the 20 mile away one, since the 7 mile away one doesn't touch kids. So what else? Breast pads after the first 2 days, nail clippers, floss, nose sucker. I really don't know what else you need, but I have total brain fog.

Yellow, the zoo was great. We got to see the diver feed the fish and lots of other great stuff before it got really hot. (felt pretty dang hot to me). Yay for bossy!


Escher, what was your baby dream? Bright side, you're not peeing every time you cough!

Starling, we had a queen plus a twin when Ari came along. It was dreamy. But a new baby is only about as wide as a milk filled breast, he won't take up too much room. I always slept on my side with my elbow out in front of my and my hand under my head. There was always plenty of room below my arm for a baby. Every now and then I would flip Ari and my heads down to the foot of the bed to escape the monster toddler kicking.

AFM, we went swimming. Baby didn't seem to mind the flipping or diving. The flipping was great because Ari started trying to flip off the diving board. It was stinking adorable to see her little half flips. The kid is bold. Nothing new on the baby front. Sara had a negative test, and she is bleeding, but not period blood and her cervix is still high. It's weird.
Edited by seraf - 7/10/11 at 3:11pm

[LibraryLady]

Hello wonderful ones~ SO EFFING HOT HERE!!!  110 yesterday! 108 today so far. UGH!!  It only got to 84 overnight! Ok, I'll not just rant but FOR REAL! So hot!

Starling~ I was envious of your getaway before but now that it's a million degrees here I'm even more jealous. I'm sorry the diving hurt you and glad you enjoyed yourself. You're getting so close now!  As for your bed, I dunno...  That does sound tricky.  California King?  And I'm sorry about your nursing decision too, that can't be easy. 

MizY~ Great pix~ your house is adorable and you wear your bump well! You're super duper close-- I check daily for your announcement. 

Mami~ Biggest hugs to you xox It sounds like you're going through so much right now. xo  I hope life eases up on you soon. 

Escher~ Yes, DP will have baby duty during the day and teach/work in the evening/night. I'm not sure she realizes how much work she's in for, truly. I'm going to go do some practice time at work to get her acclimated (and lord knows my library needs it. They left me a huge mess!!!)  Hope your cough clears up. 

Seraf~ Love the hat!  I hope you and your midwife come to agreement. It's so crap to have scuffles over a birth plan. Be strong! 

AHope~ How you doin'?  Won't be long now!

Nothing much going on here except for the blasted heat. The watermelons are GREAT though, and I can't eat enough of them.  I'm reading next year's Sequoyah Book Award nominees aloud to Alice while she nurses.  So far she's not picked a favorite.  

Speaking of good books:  More Of This World or Maybe Another by Barb Johnson, and the forthcoming The Last Nude by Ellis Avery are both lezzie books that are so so totally worth the time and effort.

Stay cool!!

[indigoscot]

mami, omg i am horrified!!!  your poor lil guy...so incredibly awful.  :(  i really do wonder sometimes why people get into child care positions when they are obviously not suited to it at all.  i'm sending you and your ds many hugs.

mizyellow - what a great belly!!!  i'm sure your babe will be here soon! :)

library, omg!  when we visited dp's family in enid, ok 2 years ago it was 110 when we arrived at ok city airport.  i know what a pizza feels like in an oven now.  too hot for a scottish lassie like me.  it's been hot here too - in the 90s.  uck.  of course dp is 1/2 filipino and barely sweats.  ds2 is like that too.  poor ds1 is like me and gets sweaty standing still.  he was so sad at tiny t-ball yesterday..."mum, i am sweaty, can i take my ball cap off now?".  today we went bowling (kids bowl for free program) and ds1 had a BLAST!  and it was air-conditioned.  score.  :)  then we watched the usa women's team play an amazing game against brazil.  wooohooo!  dp and i screamed so loud that ds1 was scared.

dp is still having the awful 5pm onwards nausea incapacitation...and no end in sight.  <sigh>

g

[seraf]

I had another baby dream. I was nannying for an 8 month old girl and I had a 7 month old girl of my own. Carried them around in a pair of slings.

So I'm up to 2 girl dreams and 1 boy dream lately? And I know there is only one baby in there but every dream there has been a pair of babies.

Hoping everyone else is keeping cool.

Indigo,'sorry to hear about the continued nausea.

Library, how are the short separations going? Will you have time and a place to pump once the students are back?

[AmandaHope]

Seraf: Just to play devil's advocate, how exactly is it that are you are sure there is only one baby in there?   Mothering recently posted a lovely story of a super-fast (and therefore unattended) home waterbirth of unexpected twins...for a mom who declined ultrasounds.  Her midwife and family practitioner never heard the second heartbeat.  Just saying.  Hee hee.  Wow--if you had twins, would Sara still get preggo?  How big a family are you going for, exactly?  I know a woman who just had her seventh.  And she isn't even religious. 

MizYellow: How's it going today?  Are you sleeping any better?  If not, you must be getting exhausted.  Can you nap at all during the day?

Mami: How are you today?  I can't get over how much you are dealing with.  I hope everything feels more manageable very soon. 

Starling: Hmm...making room in your bed and life for another kid *is* challenging.  My doula had a good nursing suggestion, which is to create a special basket of toys that the toddler can play with only while you are nursing the baby.  Not that that will help with bedtime, necessarily.  Are you up for nursing two kids to sleep--the baby first and then your daughter?  It might make for a long bedtime routine, though.  You are going to have SO MUCH MILK. 

We had our home visit / birth planning session with our doula and the doula in training, who will be in charge of helping DD if she needs it during the birth.  It was good.  I felt pampered--the doula wanted to know which scents of oils I like, what kinds of massage I prefer, etc.  I'm starting to look forward to the labor!  With less than 2 days to go until term, though, I'm also feeling antsy.  I just want it to be Wednesday already (which may explain how ridiculously late I got out of bed this morning).  We're going back to South Bend, IN, this weekend, to visit the many good friends who we left when we moved to IL two years ago.  Both DP and I really miss them.  I'm getting lots of jokes about my going into labor while I'm there.  Hey, that wouldn't be so bad. It is only 1.5 hours back to the hospital if we really needed to move fast.  Anytime after next weekend will be completely clear, though...  DP is convinced I'll go a week late.  We'll see. 

[CrystalPerez]

Ahope- Glad you like all your midwives! Can't wait to see you announce your in labor! Its definitely awkward about your DD, but I would just say she's too old its only for babies.

Yellow- I love the pics, SO cute! as for getting the baby out, I heard drinking a shot of castor oil works lol

Mami- Such a terrible thing to have to go through! I am so sorry!

Seraf- The dreams sound interesting! You probably keep dreaming about 2 babies because Sara is going to have the second one =] I usually dream I go into labor somewhere weird and the baby comes really fast, I think I watch too much "I didn't know I was pregnant" I always know I'm pregnant in my dreams but no one else does (probably because we haven't told everone yet)

AFM, Uterus is bicornuate, and the pregnancy is in the right horn. The ultrasound tech asked me why I was there before doing it and when I told her she said "thats it?" and that it wasn't a big deal unless the pregnancy was in one of the horns. Now that we know it is I feel extra nervous but I guess I will know more when I go to my mw or ob. I got blood work and urine tested and all that was normal.