Originally Posted by NicaG
Yeah, my mom has been acting really weird since I told her I was pregnant. I am 37, in a stable marriage and financial situation, and this is my third child. Her first reaction was, "why are you doing this?" Since then, she has made a bunch of comments about how she would never have wanted a large family (um, is 3 kids a "large" family?), she complains about what a terrible time she had as one of four children, she makes thinly veiled comments about how we've been lucky to avoid having an autistic child (my brother is autistic) and we probably should have stopped while we were ahead. And sometimes she just doesn't mention the pregnancy at all for weeks, which also seems kind of rude. I've pretty much stopped talking to her on the phone because I need to concentrate on my kids and my health and I don't need the drama or negativity.
OP: Yep, totally getting unsupportive reactions from family members! It sucks, doesn't it? @NicaG, I have the same mom! How very strange- are we related?
I have a little story to share about this...
I'm 25 (but pretty much going on 35 for different reasons). When we were first married, I was "young" for today's standards- 20. We wanted to get pregnant right away. He and I are both from conservative big families and it has always seemed normal to us that as soon as we got married, we'd try to conceive- no brainer, we just both knew that's what we wanted. We had already known eachother for awhile, and we loved kids. Well, when I called my mother 2 months after we were married to announce the pregnancy, I got no congratulations. It made me cry for days...
Still to this day, although she clearly loves her grandsons, thinks that I married too young, throwing my life away for family. She wanted me to be a movie star, I think. I acted in a Gus Van Sant film in highschool after getting discovered by him at a casting call and she half-way tried to send me down to LA to try to persue it. I came back to Oregon. After I met dh on a student filmset (he was the director- a local no body, just a student film for a festival project) I instantly fell in love, and persued him for years before he proposed to me in knight and shining armor. How could I possibly say no to that!?
It's been 5 years now, which isn't much, but we're hoping for 50 more
I help him toward his dream of filmmaking, though he still has a day job doing what he doesn't love-engineering, and I could not be a more fulfilled, happier person. My own mother doesn't see that. She never will. I would much rather be doing what I'm doing than end up a "celebrity" like she so wanted. For what? So people could look at me and feed my then highly narcissistic immature personality? Sure, I technically had a chance to "make it" in acting, but I chose not to.
This is the 3rd pregnancy, and I never even wanted to call my mom at all. DH encouraged me to anyway, so I did, but it was so pointless- she hardly had a reaction at all.
So yes, our choices and the way life turns out can be disappointing to our parents. It hurts like hell. After all, our parents are the ones who raised us and we've spent our lives seeking their approval. I still pray to this day that one day, my mom will apologize for her attitude, but it isn't going to happen.
The best we can do is continue to smile and encourage a good attitude in them, try to get them more involved, even if it doesn't happen. It's THEIR loss for not being supportive. It's THEIR loss for not being congratulatory and happy.
Congrats on your pregnancy, OP