Do you ever get used to missing your kids?

[carriemama]

Hi mamas,

It's been a year since the divorce was finalized and almost two years since we've been separated, so we have the shared custody schedule pretty well worked out. For the most part, it's ok - I am used to the usual routine by now (XH has DD Wed/Thurs and every other Sat/Sun). But I am dreading this weekend, since we're off the schedule for the holiday, and I won't see DD from Sat until next Wed. And, she's going to be spending the majority of that time with my ex-ILs, who I can't stand.

I get teary just thinking about it. This will be the longest I've ever been away from her (she's 3.5) and I know in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal, but I hate it. I know that it is in her best interest to have plenty of time with her dad, and I'm very lucky that he is a good dad, responsible, etc. But I still hate it. I miss her every second she's not with me.

For those that have been in the coparenting trenches longer than me, does it get better? Do you ever stop missing them so stinking much when they're with their other parent?

:(  carriemama

[lilyka]

I have been here for 3 years and still miss them when thy are with their dad and when I am at work.  

[rubelin]

Nope, haven't gotten used to it in 4 years. However, I have stopped missing them as much. Our life is so crazy busy (they homeschool) and I am pretty introverted and get worn out being with people all the time so I look forward to my quiet times when they're gone. It's only when it's been more than 2 days (which happens very rarely) that I really long for them. I try to plan a lot of things that are hard to do with them (like shopping trips, grown up movies, etc) so that I am too busy to notice that they aren't there.

When they were little and I was still married, I longed to have a whole day with an empty house to enjoy all by myself. I try to remember that whenever I'm missing them and then I look for ways to indulge in my momma time =)

[floss&ferd]

My oldest is 13.5 and we've been divorced since before she was two.  I STILL miss her like crazy!

[meemee]

with passing time it has gotten easier.

however i am away from dd for just a night. so i actually enjoy the space. 

anything longer and yes even after 6 years i still miss her a lot. 

in the beginning even that one night was really really hard. 

[bandgeek]

My situation is a little different so that may have changed how I adjusted to the whole thing.  When I left ex, the kids were 3 1/2 and almost 1.  My DD was having a ton of health issues and was in and out of the hospital constantly (her dad cannot handle her health problems and disability and does not keep her at all).  I HAD to give up my time with my DS to take care of her.  So he'd be with his dad most of the time and sometimes it would be a full week in between when I'd see him.  And when I did sometimes I'd only have him for 2 days.  I missed him some but I was so distracted it didn't tear at me in the way it might have if he were my only child and I was sitting at home by myself waiting for him to come back home.

It's been almost 3 years and I (mostly) accept how things are and in a way, appreciate our time apart because I feel like it makes me appreciate our time together more, if that makes any sense.

[tccandlsccmom]

I HATE being away from my kids.  My ex told lies to the court during the temporary custody hearing a couple of months ago, and he has them for the ENTIRE summer.  I am feeling somewhat bereft...trying to fill my days but I ache constantly...

[lac_2233]

I thank GOD every day that my ex is an A$$ and doesnt want that much time with DD.  Oh that sounds awful, but I have seen everyday of her life - every single day for 4.5 years.  He takes her on Sat at 9 am and brings her back on Sun at 8pm every other weekend - that is when he shows up.  At first I cried the whole time until my sister pointed out that I get to see her everyday.  That made it easier for me.  Now I look forward to those weekends, because I get so much done - house cleaned, errands ran, even a little me time!   But at the end of the day she is mine, all mine!  Which is great for me, but not always for her.  She wants to know where her daddy is and why is he isn't coming this time.  She's misses him almost as much as I miss her.  Depending on how close you all live maybe you could see her during those long visits.  I assume this one has already passed, but plan ahead for next time.  If not in person maybe on skype or even phone calls.  Remember though that she is probably having fun and try not to make a big deal out it.  Tell her that you miss her, but that you are glad she is having fun with daddy.  Dont make her feel guilty or sad just because you miss her.  Good luck!

[sadiah]

I don't think I could ever get used to my daughter being away from me. I struggled to stay alive for her from having a stroke after having her then divorce, now she is away from me for the whole month of july..excluding the standard vist weekends. I am doing everything to keep myself busy and it is NEVER enough. She is only 3 have been divorced for almost 2 years. SAD   

And I truly hate when folks say nonchalantly oh you'll get used to it just get into you. Hate that. 

[2xy]

For me, yes, it has gotten easier. Partly because I've gotten used to it, and partly because they've gotten older, and we spend less time together than we used to, so it doesn't feel so wrong when they aren't here.

The first time they went away for a lengthy period of time, it was for two months and their dad was stationed on Guam, so that was a big deal that got me to sobbing in the car at the airport (after they'd boarded the plane). It's been easier and easier since then. But my kids weren't tiny when their dad and I split up....they were 9 and 12, and didn't go for a long visit (more than a couple of days) until they were 11 and 14.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by sadiah 

And I truly hate when folks say nonchalantly oh you'll get used to it just get into you. Hate that. 

mama i am so sorry you are feeling the pain. 

but mark the mama's words here. your baby is only 3. wait till she gets to be 6 or 7 when she'd rather be playing with her friends than playing with you... then you will understand. and yes it will get easier. esp. as they grow older.

for me it was bittersweet in the beginning. while i was so sad i was also so happy all at the same time because dd so looked forward to seeing her dad and having fun times with him. 

however we were extremely flexible too. if she cried for the other parent, no matter whose day it was if they could do it that parent would take her. when your child cries for the other parent, its really sad if you have to keep them. sad. sad. sad.