Bitter Sushi Ladies, July 2011 - Page 3

[LessTraveledBy]

So happy to hear that things are looking better than yesterday, Milk8shake!!!!!!!!!!

Just a quick update here: The social workers visited us this morning for two hours. Very nice ladies and also a nice, interesting visit. We were told at the end of the visit that they see no reason why we could not do this. (Short term fostering of babies, for those new here.) :)  Also, it looks like we might be ready for the first placement in August, which is really very fast. I am very excited! Meanwhile, I learned that these days even babies exposed to drugs and alcohol are sent to foster homes (most after some weeks in a hospital), and that we are very likely to look after such a baby, sooner or later. (Sooner, most likely.) That will be a very new experience for me. I am just feeling very thankful that life is moving on, finally.

Wishig you all peace this week...

[Smilesarefree]

Milk8shake - Glad things are looking up!!!!  What is SCH?

Caly - Done

Isis - It must have been nice to share with people in real life!!!  Like Monkey I try to make myself talk about IF, but like your friend my dh doesn't want to talk about it, so I don't mention it if he is around.  Since deciding to be honest when people ask if I will have another I have found that most people either have had or know of someone who has has IF themselves, makes you see that it is a pretty common thing (unfortunately).  I have a close friend who I know has been trying for #1 for over 2 years and I can't bring myself to ask her about it or tell her that I am struggling too, I feel that because I have dd she may feel that I don't really get what she is going through.  I would love to talk to her about it if she was willing just to lend support. 

LTB - Glad to hear that your visit went well and that you feel like you are moving on!!!

[Calycanth]

Thanks for adding me, Smiles.  

Milkshake, yay!  Keeping you in my thoughts...

[lilmom]

Milkshake- oh, hon, I am so sorry you have been going through all this, but I am glad your beta was good!!! You had SCH with your other pregnancies? That must have been terrifying..I assume you mean subchorionic hematoma? I hope you'll keep us updated again soon. Thinking of you so much and pulling for a sticky baby!

Calycanth- welcome to our group!

LTB- glad to hear about the very positive visit! How exciting!

Isis- so glad you had a little support group kind of a time. I wish I had that! I know one couple who went through primary IF, but only for a yr and a half, and now they are having #2 tomorrow, and they didn't have secondary IF at all. Then I know another couple who tried 2 yrs for a baby and now they have twins. That's it. No other friends have had issues. So, I feel very alone, especially because neither of these couples knows what it is like to desperately want a sibling for your only. I know that many ladies here are trying for #1..so sometimes I feel like I am stepping on toes here as well.

AFM, girls, I have been going NUTS over here. AF is not here yet. Temps are still high(not super high..still way over the coverline though) but I had a bfn yesterday and I have been having slight brown spotting, a little every day since Tues. I kept thinking every day AF would come but she has not. I'm going to test again in the morning. I worry that I might be having a chemical or something. Or maybe I'm not pregnant but having some other problem. I just have never experienced this type of spotting before. It is brown, and sorry, a little tmi but it's very small stringy stuff. This does not seem normal to me. But it's not even enough to hit the pad. So, I don't know. I have had spotting for one day before my period on rare occasions, but always red or pinkish. Any ideas? I think this could be a progesterone thing, right? Also, the high temps are confusing me. That makes me think I'm pregnant. Ugh. Is there any reason my temps would stay high? I always have a 13 day LP. Never more. And I have to be at least 13 dpo as of today, even if I O'ed at the very latest possible date I could have, and still no AF. FF thinks I'm 16dpo. Thoughts anyone?

[Milk8shake]

Originally Posted by lilmom 

AFM, girls, I have been going NUTS over here. AF is not here yet. Temps are still high(not super high..still way over the coverline though) but I had a bfn yesterday and I have been having slight brown spotting, a little every day since Tues. I kept thinking every day AF would come but she has not. I'm going to test again in the morning. I worry that I might be having a chemical or something. Or maybe I'm not pregnant but having some other problem. I just have never experienced this type of spotting before. It is brown, and sorry, a little tmi but it's very small stringy stuff. This does not seem normal to me. But it's not even enough to hit the pad. So, I don't know. I have had spotting for one day before my period on rare occasions, but always red or pinkish. Any ideas? I think this could be a progesterone thing, right? Also, the high temps are confusing me. That makes me think I'm pregnant. Ugh. Is there any reason my temps would stay high? I always have a 13 day LP. Never more. And I have to be at least 13 dpo as of today, even if I O'ed at the very latest possible date I could have, and still no AF. FF thinks I'm 16dpo. Thoughts anyone?

Oh, how anxious must you be?! I don't have too much to offer in terms of theory, because I don't really *get* the charting stuff, but spotting and AF being late seems like great signs to me.  The only thought I have is: what brand of hpt are you using?  Maybe you should try a super sensitive one?  Or maybe the BFN was a dud test, and you should try another??

Oh, and I know I have mentioned my jealousy issues in the past about the ladies here who already have children.  Like everyone, I have my crap days, but I always try to remember that our pain is all relative, and there really is no comparison between us and our situations.  We are all stuck in this big, ugly sucky boat of unfairness together. 

LTB:  sounds like your visit was great. I think it would be wonderful and heartbreaking to foster a baby who has been in such a situation.  But I think that any such baby would be lucky to come to your home.
 

ISIS and Caly: welcome - I'm sorry that I have been way too self involved to say hello before today - I hope you'll forgive me

AFM: things are much less stressful here today Sorry for being such a drama queen the last week! 

Things are looking as good as they can, and on a side note - I resigned from my job, which gives me much relief. 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

[LessTraveledBy]

Congrats on the resignation, Milk8shake! I think I have mentioned this before, but I really think you could find understanding and knowledge from the people on the immunology support yahoogroup. The hematoma stuff sound like something some people there have also had, and I remember someone explaining why it kept happening to her.

I am feeling very happy about yesterday's meeting and about the fast time line. Meanwhile, I am pretty confused within myself. What if we should just foster short-term forever, or at some point, long term... How important is it for me, after all these years, to become pregnant? In the beginning I could not have imagined adding to our family any other way. Then I wanted to adopt, because that baby could still have been "all ours," mostly. Now I have moved on to thinking about babies, who would never be truly ours (even the long-term ones would still belong to their parents, in some way, and could even go back to them). The more I am able to let go of what MY plan had always been, and look at what is and what I could be needed for, the better I feel. Frankly,  for the first time I no longer have a problem with "why are some people given babies they are not able to even take care of" sort of thinking. It is exactly these sort of parents that will be coming into my home to see their children. And I am just fine with all that. No longer bitter. Sometimes still struggling with my life's path, but not so much woth that of others. Afterall, NOT being able to have babies is the not normal thing. The others are living normalcy, in this matter.

I hope we'll have some more positives here, soon! Thinking of you, LILMOM!

[Smilesarefree]

Lilmom - I had brown spotting pretty much daily for my whole first trimester, and I never get brown spotting not even at the start/end of AF so keeping my fingers crossed for you.  I also desperately want a sibling for dd so I know how you feel and I hope your time has come!!!

[monkeyscience]

Milkshake - Glad you are in a better place emotionally! Congrats on the resignation!

lilmom - Praying for you!

[lilmom]

Real quick..BFN again. Temp fell this a.m. but not below the coverline. I am cramping off and on but no spotting or bleeding so far today at all. Some really painful cramping, sometimes no cramping. I guess I should call the doctor? I just don't know what to do. I feel like this has gone on too many days. Oh yeah, and tests were FRER's so they should be accurate, I would think.

[LessTraveledBy]

Ugh, littlemom, about that limbo! I honestly don't know what a doctor would or could do, unless you want a blood pregnancy test. I mean women do have wonky cycles all the time and, unless you have a really great doctor, I bet they are not so keen on charting and think you charted wrong. 

I have been noticing the effects of stress on my body. I cleaned a LOT before the social workers came. Kind of an annual deap clean or something. My cycle is normally very regular, but this stress (and sudden physical activity, lol) has postponed ovulation. I find it very interesting. As far as I know, outside of pregnancy and nursing, I have had an unovulatory cycle once in the past 8 years. It was caused by the stress of moving. Now I am curious to see if I will ovulate late or not at all. I no longer care about each cycle the way I used to. Instead of "can't miss a cycle, maybe this is it," I feel that it is so unlikely anything will happen, that we no longer time anything with the same level of seriousness. It feels good, to be honest. At least I now have other things to think about. If they find something in the tests, great. I still don't really think they will find something they can fix.

[ISISandOSIRIS]

smiles & lilmom ~ as milkshake mentioned, I also feel envious of those who have at least one little one, but when your family feels incomplete, it feels incomplete.  There's no denying that.  Also, I can certainly emphasize with the strong desire to have a sibling for your little ones.  There's something comforting in knowing that your child will always have that extra family member to go through life with.  I would love to have two... even just so my future children would have their own little partners in crime... otherwise they'd be no match for me and dh 

LTB ~ I think it's wonderful that you're willing to open your home and heart to babies who so desperately need a strong foundation during such a critical period of their lives.  You'll make more of an impact than you could ever imagine.  DH, in particular, has begun to think about adoption.  I'm not quite there yet, but I'm very interested in hearing about your future fostering experiences.

[lilmom]

So upset. Temp fell all the way down and I finally started bleeding today. I know in my heart of hearts this had to be a chemical. I just don't see how my temps could stay high for that long and it not be. Plus the brown spotting for 4 days. I just don't think it was a wonky cycle..I've been charting too long..which doesn't mean I could never make a mistake but high temps for that long..and I totally FELT like I did with DS..nauseous, etc. And, my mom called this morning and asked me if I was pregnant, because when I was at her house she "just knew" I must be. She also "just knew" about my DS and called me asking about him too, before I told her.  

I was holding out hope that this would work out ok somehow.

It doesn't help that one of my dear friends just had her 2nd last night, and her 1st is 2 yrs younger than my son, who will be 4 in a couple of weeks. So she has now had 2 babies since I had him. I'm happy for her, sad for me.

Thanks everyone who was praying and hoping and crossing fingers. I really appreciate all of you.

[Milk8shake]

Sorry lilmom.  What a disappointment.

AFM: second beta was 300, so it tripled in 48 hours.    I'll have another tomorrow.  Does anyone know about progesterone though?  Apparently my progesterone was 110 @ 3w6d...

A bit higher than the "normal" range??

[kparker]

Hey ladies, still lurking. Working on small-scale plant selling out of my own little greenhouse these days. Anyone need some aloe vera or tropical water lilies? ;)

Grats to those BFPs I saw last thread and I'll keep my fingers crossed for all of you. Looks like our IUI#4 might be as early as September, which would mark three years from the start of TTC for us. Sigh.

[Calycanth]

Originally Posted by ISISandOSIRIS 

smiles & lilmom ~ as milkshake mentioned, I also feel envious of those who have at least one little one, but when your family feels incomplete, it feels incomplete.  There's no denying that.  Also, I can certainly emphasize with the strong desire to have a sibling for your little ones.  There's something comforting in knowing that your child will always have that extra family member to go through life with.  I would love to have two... even just so my future children would have their own little partners in crime... otherwise they'd be no match for me and dh 

So sorry, Lilmom.    I had a very similar experience a few months ago.  I had about a week of brown spotting, AF was late, and I had strange twinges in my abdomen, just like I did before my miscarriage.  I was convinced I was pregnant.  I still think it might have been a chemical, even though I never got a BFP.

Milkshake,  for tripling betas!  Is high progesterone an issue?  I know that low levels are a problem.  Obviously, I'm not the right person to answer this question!

[ISISandOSIRIS]

lilmom ~ 

milkshake ~  that's such great news!  

kparker ~ that's around the time I plan on doing my next IUI, if a miracle doesn't occur before then 

[Sourire]

Thanks for the warm welcome and the advice everyone. I'll try to ask my doctor about the progesterone suppositories next time I see him (I'm going to make an appointment for the beginning of next cycle). I have tried B-complex already... I actually took it for about 6 months and it lengthened my LP by 1 day but my spotting still started at 7DPO so I was basically just having 1 extra day of spotting before full blown AF which doesn't seem like much of an improvement. I also had a hysterosalpingogram (the one where they inject saline into your uterus and do an ultrasound) and they didn't mention anything about endometriosis which I assume they would have detected with that test.

milkshake - I'm glad to hear things are looking good for you! Congrats on quitting your job, that must feel great! Are you going to find another one or just take a break for a while?

lilmom - Sorry to hear about your disappointment. Its so much worse when you start getting your hopes up, isn't it?

Isis - You're so lucky to be able to talk about this with your friends. When I first started TTC I mentioned it to a few friends and acquaintances who were pregnant/had newborns and they acted like I was crazy to talk about TTC. I've even tried discussing it with friends who had problems TTC but they really don't want to say much. It makes me feel so much more isolated. The only person who will talk to me about this stuff is my SIL (brother's wife) who is currently TTC her first with PCOS. I only see my brother and SIL about once a year since we live far apart, but every once in awhile I exchange some emails with SIL to see how stuff is going for her.

monkeyscience - That's a tough situation about the names. When my SIL (not the one with the TTC issues mentioned above but another SIL) was pregnant with her first we just casually asked them about names and they happened to mention one we really wanted (DH's grandmother's name) so we were like "oh wow we really wanted to use that one" and they ended up picking a different name. Maybe you could just work the name topic into a conversation and try to find out which ones they like... and if they don't mention yours then maybe they haven't even thought of that name and you can avoid having an awkward conversation.

[LessTraveledBy]

About names... Dh had always joked that we would use his grandpa's name if we had a son. I was not crazy about that name, but I think dh was actually serious about it. About a year ago dh's cousin had a son and named the kid that very name. I think it must have made dh sad. Especially, as they have two kids, both years younger than our only. It was as if we were "supposed" to be the ones to have that first son in the extended family, as timewise we could have had two new kids before the one that ended up with the name. Oh well, 4 or 5 little boys later that just does not seem to happen for us at all. So be it, I guess.

Milk8shake, so happy to hear the news. Maybe high progesterone is a really good thing....?

[lilmom]

Milkshake- I never got to tell you congrats on resigning from your job! Also, great news about the beta!

Caly-I'm sorry that happened to you a few months ago. It's quite awful, because you really don't have any concrete "proof" other than just knowing your body. But if you're like me, sometimes you just know your own body and know what is going on. Sigh. I hope it happens for both of us soon!

Sourire- Thanks for being so sweet..I hope your road gets easier too.

Monkey- I wish I had great advice about the name situation too, but I really don't know what I would do. I guess I have never been that attached to a name that I couldn't give it up if someone else used it. If my brother came to me and said, "please don't use xyz name becase we just love that name and we are trying" then I probably would not use it. I have also realized as years have gone by that names I used to love I don't love anymore. So, maybe I am just not a good person for advice here but I would probably say something if it means that much to you.

kparker- I love that you have your own little greenhouse! I will let you know if I need something : )  Also, that is very exciting that IUI might be coming up in Sept! Maybe this will be it!

AFM, I am doing a little better today. DH is having a hard time. Last night he was nearly crying and saying he wants a bunch of little ones running around too and that usually he remains so positive but this time, well, we both thought it was really going to happen. He has been very supportive and sweet. I am very blessed to have him. I just hope he is right that one day we will have more. The past 2 yrs have been really tough, not just because of ttc, but because of all sorts of things in our lives, and we are just so ready for a break! Luckily, we are going to my sister's house for a week on the 18th and I cannot wait! Should be a blast. I was hoping to announce a pregnancy..I had imagined it many times..but no. We will be celebrating DS's 4th birthday there and we are going to have a wonderful little vacation though, and I'm looking forward to it immensely.

[Milk8shake]

Originally Posted by Calycanth 

Milkshake,  for tripling betas!  Is high progesterone an issue?  I know that low levels are a problem.  Obviously, I'm not the right person to answer this question!

Thank you!!  I don't know much about progesterone either, but I know I'd rather be high than low!

Originally Posted by Sourire 

Thanks for the warm welcome and the advice everyone. I'll try to ask my doctor about the progesterone suppositories next time I see him (I'm going to make an appointment for the beginning of next cycle). I have tried B-complex already... I actually took it for about 6 months and it lengthened my LP by 1 day but my spotting still started at 7DPO so I was basically just having 1 extra day of spotting before full blown AF which doesn't seem like much of an improvement. I also had a hysterosalpingogram (the one where they inject saline into your uterus and do an ultrasound) and they didn't mention anything about endometriosis which I assume they would have detected with that test.

Hey Sourire!  Welcome.  I don't think I welcomed you properly either, I'm sorry.    I know next to nothing about luteal phases and progesterone etc (except that the progesterone will be a pessary, and not a suppository!  LOL, different entry points.... )

Anyway, on the endometriosis topic, although they can usually be reasonably certain of a diagnosis by symptoms, etc, the only way to confirm endo is by laparoscopy. 

Also not to be anal, but was the test you had a SHG or HSG?  A saline sonohysterogram is a bit different to a HSG - with a HSG its a radiographic dye, and not saline.  A HSG is superior diagnostically to an SHG, especially in terms of evaluating the tubes.  Additionally, the skill or knowledge of the person interpreting the films is very important.  As in, most doctors, OBs, and even REs are not adequately trained the diagnostics of these tests, so I am always a bit skeptical of doctors who do these sort of things "in office".  I don't mean to say that your doctor is an idiot or anything though. 

LTB: I did join the immunology group, thank you. 
 

AFM: Yes, I resigned, and it felt good.  I am kinda looking for something else, but only probably on a part time basis.  And it will kind of depend how the next few weeks go too.

With my progesterone, apparently the normal range for first trimester is 9 - 47.  My progesterone was drawn 6dpo (unrelated to pregnancy - was feeling unwell) and was 49, and was drawn at 15dpo and was 110.   I've just been wondering what it means, and driving myself mad thinking about multiples....