Need to stop cosleeping but I don't *want* to...

[mambera]

I've been cosleeping happily with DD since she was a couple of months old.  She's now two and we've got another baby coming in October.  Current setup is I sleep with her in a full-size (but low) bed in her room; DH sleeps in the master bedroom. 

Since we nightweaned DD pretty much sleeps through the night (~7 or 8 h, then will have a bottle of milk and go back down for another ~2).  I could very easily just get out of the bed and go sleep with DH.  This is the time.  I really cannot picture cosleeping with a kicky toddler and a newborn.

But I just can't bring myself to do it.  Every night I think about it and then just go in to sleep with DD.  What if she falls out of the bed... what if she kicks off the covers and gets cold (she hates the covers)... what if she wakes up and is scared all alone...

I think I need a kick in the pants to get out of the bed... maybe some horror stories about cosleeping with toddler and newborn?  ...Or else lots of stories about how that is really fine and I can just keep doing what I'm doing??  TIA

[ReinetteRenee]

This one mom had a great way of doing it. she and her DH slept with LO till she night weened then LO would sleep next to dad then on the floor next to dad then finally in their own room. if you are so concerned why cant she sleep on a mattress next to you?

[Kobaby]

I've been reading a lot about Montessori style nurseries lately, and it might be something that would work for you and allay some of your fears.

"In the Montessori educational philosophy, the child sleeps on a mattress directly on the floor in a child-safe room so that once he can crawl, he is free to get up and explore the room."

(From: http://sewliberated.typepad.com/sew_liberated/2009/04/finnians-montessori-room.html )

Your toddler could have complete freedom to come find you in the night if it got too scary being alone. And because the room is completely child-proof you wouldn't have to worry about leaving your daughter on her own.

[texmati]

We have something like this for our 20 month old-- though i daresay, if he would let me, we'd still be cosleeping. If you still *want* to cosleep with your daughter there is no reason it can't still be part time only on the weekends etc. Iknow a family who did 'sleep overs' on friday nights (everyone on the floor together) until well into elementry school!

Originally Posted by Kobaby 

I've been reading a lot about Montessori style nurseries lately, and it might be something that would work for you and allay some of your fears.

"In the Montessori educational philosophy, the child sleeps on a mattress directly on the floor in a child-safe room so that once he can crawl, he is free to get up and explore the room."

(From: http://sewliberated.typepad.com/sew_liberated/2009/04/finnians-montessori-room.html )

Your toddler could have complete freedom to come find you in the night if it got too scary being alone. And because the room is completely child-proof you wouldn't have to worry about leaving your daughter on her own.

[mambera]

if you are so concerned why cant she sleep on a mattress next to you?

I guess it's more about logistics.... part of it is I don't think she'll do well sleeping in the same room as a newborn who may cry and get active a lot at night, part of it is I'm just kind of reluctant to go buy a mattress and put it on the floor in our room when she already has a perfectly acceptable bed yk?  It seems like kind of a lot of money to spend, I feel like it would be annoying to have the mattress taking up all the floor space all the time, and what am I going to do with the mattress when our arrangement changes again?

Your toddler could have complete freedom to come find you in the night if it got too scary being alone. And because the room is completely child-proof you wouldn't have to worry about leaving your daughter on her own.

Yeah my fears are totally unrealistic actually... DD is totally capable of getting in and out of her own bed (it's only about two feet high) and she has no problem coming to find me if she wakes up in bed alone (eg in the morning or after nap).  (It's just never happened at night before because I'm always there when it's dark.)  And our whole house is pretty much childproof (we moved when she was one and basically set the new place up completely childproof - it's much easier if you start with an empty house).

It really is just about me and my own head, not about her safety at all.  I think I just need to bite the bullet and get out of the bed.  I'm being silly. :(

[Kobaby]

Aww hugs!! You can do it! ♥

[swede]

Just a different perspective - It's possible to co-sleep with a newborn and a toddler.  I've done it - the toddlers seem to sleep through newborn noises.  Although if I had a child that was fine sleeping on her own, I would leave well enough alone... 

[mambera]

Originally Posted by swede 

Just a different perspective - It's possible to co-sleep with a newborn and a toddler.  I've done it - the toddlers seem to sleep through newborn noises.  Although if I had a child that was fine sleeping on her own, I would leave well enough alone... 

Were you night-nursing both?  I don't want DD to un-nightwean because she is jealous of the baby.  (My plan was to wean her altogether but she is still having the occasional dry-nurse right now - I have a lot of concerns about tandeming but even if I don't manage to wean totally before the baby is born, I definitely don't want her to backtrack to unlimited nursing just bc she sees the baby do it.)

I don't really know if she is fine sleeping on her own, I have to get out of her bed before I can find out. :)  She does get an occasional pat from me when she whimpers in the night, dunno if it would become a full-blown waking if I weren't there to do that.

I think I need to have DH try to handle bedtime on occasion.  He will have no problem getting out of her bed.  Not to mention I really don't want to set things up so that I am the 'bedtime expert' for *two* little kids.  It made sense when nursing to sleep but it really doesn't anymore.

[swede]

Originally Posted by mambera 

Were you night-nursing both?  I don't want DD to un-nightwean because she is jealous of the baby.  (My plan was to wean her altogether but she is still having the occasional dry-nurse right now - I have a lot of concerns about tandeming but even if I don't manage to wean totally before the baby is born, I definitely don't want her to backtrack to unlimited nursing just bc she sees the baby do it.)

I don't really know if she is fine sleeping on her own, I have to get out of her bed before I can find out. :)  She does get an occasional pat from me when she whimpers in the night, dunno if it would become a full-blown waking if I weren't there to do that.

I think I need to have DH try to handle bedtime on occasion.  He will have no problem getting out of her bed.  Not to mention I really don't want to set things up so that I am the 'bedtime expert' for *two* little kids.  It made sense when nursing to sleep but it really doesn't anymore.

no - not night nursing both.  But my husband did handle the toddler - even in our bed.  We bed share for a long time in our family, though.  It actually makes everything easier - to be honest.  Illness, etc...  I would have your dh take a more active role in bedtime for your toddler, though.  Good luck!

[mommy2two babes]

Originally Posted by mambera 

I guess it's more about logistics.... part of it is I don't think she'll do well sleeping in the same room as a newborn who may cry and get active a lot at night, part of it is I'm just kind of reluctant to go buy a mattress and put it on the floor in our room when she already has a perfectly acceptable bed yk?  It seems like kind of a lot of money to spend, I feel like it would be annoying to have the mattress taking up all the floor space all the time, and what am I going to do with the mattress when our arrangement changes again?

Yeah my fears are totally unrealistic actually... DD is totally capable of getting in and out of her own bed (it's only about two feet high) and she has no problem coming to find me if she wakes up in bed alone (eg in the morning or after nap).  (It's just never happened at night before because I'm always there when it's dark.)  And our whole house is pretty much childproof (we moved when she was one and basically set the new place up completely childproof - it's much easier if you start with an empty house).

It really is just about me and my own head, not about her safety at all.  I think I just need to bite the bullet and get out of the bed.  I'm being silly. :(

Just another one chiming in to say that it is possible to sleep with a toddler and a newborn. Even a 5 year old a toddler and a newborn.

Even if your fears are unrealistic I found for me I couldn't sleep. I was concerned with the older one being ok without me.

As the PP said older kids seem to sleep through baby noise ( I guess thats why they can sleep through smoke alarms) 

I always just had baby on one side of me and older kids on the other.

I also tandem nursed very helpful with engorgment and getting another bit of sleep out of the toddler.

There is no reason to start night nursing again with the older one just because you are co-sleeping.

I found things much easier when you just go with what works and not try to plan.

[Katie T]

If you feel comfortable then by all means do as you wish but I will chime in about cosleeping with a toddler and newborn. : )

Ds was 21 months when DD2 was born. He had coslept since birth and I was not ready (nor was he, he is 4 1/2 and still cosleeps with us lol) to have him out of my bed.

He night weaned the last few weeks of my pg.

When I was pg I was very concerned with how I was going to get both kids parented to bed. DH worked evenings at the time so all parenting to sleep was on me. That first night home I layed with my back to DS and told him that I would cuddle him to sleep when the baby was asleep. He layed there rubbing my hair and DD2 nursed to sleep. DS from the beginning slept through any crying DD2 did. (Although with cosleeping there isn't much, mainly diaper changes in the middle of the night which DD hated) I put a guard up and it was DD on the edge, me, DS and then DH. We never had any issues at all. 

Congrats on your pg and remember you can always try leaving her room when she goes to sleep and reassessing if she has issues. Would a baby monitor make you feel any more at ease?