Child led weaning with limits?

[mrs.t]

I am currently nursing my almost 15 mo DS, probably at most 6-8 times in 24 hours. He still nurses very frequently at night, especially if he is teething, and not so frequently during the day. I still feed him on demand, only refusing if it's really inconvenient for me, and even if I refuse I will offer shortly after when I am able to. He uses baby sign and has since he was about 6 months old, so he's very clear when he asks for "milk". He eats really well in terms of solids, has a great appetite and loves food. I know he is still nursing for various reasons, and it's still a good experience for us both, but he doesn't seem to be decreasing anytime soon. So my question is this: If you are allowing your child to self wean, do you have a limit in your mind of when you will "stop" them if they just decide to continue? I honestly don't know if I would want to be nursing for several more YEARS. Also, I hope to have at least one more LO before I'm 35 (I'm currently a few weeks shy of 32) and I know sometimes pregnancy will cause a child to wean. Has anyone nursed successfully through a pregnancy? My main concern with that is I have lost a ton of weight since nursing my son, to the point of being underweight, and I'm concerned about the implications a nursing toddler would have on a pregnancy, or even worse, tandem nursing when I can barely stay in a healthy weight range as it is! (And yes, I do try to eat tons of healthy fats, protein, etc.)

Finally, I don't know if I want to be back to back pregnant, nursing, pregnant, nursing without any kind of break in between. I would love to feel like I can leave DS overnight with my MIL at some point, and obviously I wouldn't be able to if he's still looking to nurse 2-3 times minimum.

TIA for any replies :)

[crunchy_mommy]

Well you can just take it one day at a time... or set a limit & re-evaluate when you get closer to that point...

In the beginning, my 'bare minimum' goal was 1 year, because I did not want have to use formula for various reasons. I'd say around the time he turned 9mos, I decided I wanted to make it to 18mos minimum, and by the time he turned 1 I wanted to make it to 2 years. I still feel like 2 years is the bare minimum I'd want to nurse (based on personal beliefs/research/etc.) DS is now 2.5 and we are at a tough spot in our nursing relationship and I'm not sure how much longer I can go, though in my mind I'd like to make it to at least 3 and hopefully CLW but I'm not sure how realistic that will be for us.

But my point is, you don't have to decide now that you are going to nurse 'til he's 5. You can set mini-goals or just take each day as it comes. He may cut back a lot on his own or with only slight encouragement, which is kind of what happened with DS when he turned 2, he suddenly was able to get by with much less nursing (he was late on solids too so that was probably related to it!) I feel like I'm babbling on about me & DS and not sure I'm offering much helpful advice about your situation... I guess I'm basically saying, don't over-analyze it, and do what works best for both of you!

[CheriK]

What Crunchy Mama said!

Really, take it one day at a time.  Just as true at this age as with a newborn.  Honestly, the vast majority of the 1-2 year olds I know who nurse are nursing just about as frequently as they did as babies.  It gets easier.  It's not so overwhelming as they get older.  They become more willing to accept other forms of comfort and closeness, and they develop some tiny amount of patience (don't expect too much, though).

Personally, and you'll hear/read other views on these boards, I don't believe that CLW means never setting limits or placing restrictions on nursing.  It's a relationship and it needs to work for both parties.  If certain aspects of nursing are driving you nuts, then change them!  Your child needs to learn healthy limits and boundaries, too.  That doesn't mean it's always easy to make changes, but it is usually easier than fully weaning, and you get to keep all the good parts of extended nursing.

So for an example that might be helpful for the wishes you listed, we night weaned at 2 1/2.  I was just DONE.  Nursing twins who both woke up a minimum of 2 and usually many more times at night, and almost never at the same time, and my insomina came back w/ my menstrual cycles at 20 months pp.  I had to sleep, so we night weaned.  It was easy w/ DD, reallly really miserable for DS.  But we did it and I'm glad we did.  And overall, it didn't seem to lead to early weaning   (DD weaned at 5 1/2, DS at 6 and a few months).  And once they night weaned, they both eventually reached the point where they wanted to spend the night at G'ma's, which thrilled her to no end.

Don't discount being able to leave a nursling overnight or even longer, also.  As your DS gets older, his nursing pattern will change even if you do nothing to reduce nursing sessions.  You'll probably discover that even if he happily nurses when you are together, he's able to sleep without you, go a full day without nursing, perhaps even go a weekend or longer without nursing.  Many moms nursing older toddlers and preschoolers (and older kids) go out of town for various reasons, or the kids go on overnights, and everyone does just fine.  You might find that it's far harder on YOU than on him (true for me, at least!).

As far as back-to-back pregnancies, many moms nurse through pregnancy and tandem nurse, some even triandem nurse, and do okay.  Really depends on what you can and want to tolerate, both physically and mentally.  Some moms just need a break, and that's okay too.  Whenever a mom talks about weaning to get pregnant, I always suggest she consider how she would feel if she weaned and never had another child. . . I think Adventures in Tandem Nursing has a section about that (or some weaning book does. . . ).   I had a really hard time keeping weight on while nursing my twins, ended up underweight also, and didn't get back to "normal" weight for several years, but I was still nursing them.  Once my menstrual cycle returned, it was easier to maintain weight.  I would suggest, however, having a physical and bloodwork done, especially checking your iron levels and thyroid, as these can affect your ability to maintain weight.  I was actually diagnosed as hypothyroid while losing substantial weight and breastfeeding - go figure.

[gitanamama]

Right there with you Mrs. T! My 15 month old nurses around the clock---at least once every hour during the day and every 2-3 hours at night. I've lost quite a bit of weight as well (although I'm not yet underweight) and I often feel like all the nutrients are literally being sucked from my body! I still love our nursing relationship, but like you, I'm a little concerned about how to taper off or cut it off, if that's what it comes down to. We're going to start TTC in another 6 months or so and I want to make sure my body is ready nutritionally. I think the other ladies are right about staying in the moment though. So often I get myself all worked up thinking about what the future is going to look like, but I'm trying to be more mindful about staying with the present. I'd like to think that I'll *know* when it's time to wean or that my son will slowly start to wean himself. I guess we'll see!